Is it proper etiquette that you have to ask someone, who has asked you to be their BM, to be your BM? I’ve been told by a few people that it’s a given. Please advise, and thanks!
Di, Di, Diane,
Not sure which angle you’re coming at from in the whole “will you be my bridesmaid” sitch, but here is my honest take. Asking someone to be a bridesmaid in your wedding is really one of the highest honors you can bestow upon someone. A bride is, essentially, asking someone to stand by her side and join her in one of the most important and meaningful moments in her life. Does she really want her old sorority sister who she used to be BFF’s with but now barely talks to up there just because she was a maid in her wedding?
My guess is no.
Emily Post might disagree with me, but in my opinion, the only people a bride should be asking to take part in their big day are the very most important ones in their life at that moment in time. Relationships change, people change and sometimes friends just grow apart. I wrote full on one page missives in yearbooks to “lifelong” friends I had in high school that I’ve never seen since. Or perhaps someone was a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding who had a large wedding party and they want a very small one. Or maybe a bride is having a destination wedding and decided not to have any bridesmaids. The truth is, one size does not fit all.
While I very much believe in doing the “right thing,” sending a thank you note when warranted, and treating people kindly, I also like to remind brides that this is a day that is all about them and their future husband. I think sometimes people get too wrapped up in the “etiquette” of weddings and what they “should do” versus what they want to. When we get so wrapped up in the “shoulda, coulda, woulda,” we tend to forget about making sure that a bride’s day is, most importantly, about doing whatever it is that she and her fiance really want to!
Hope that helps.
- New York/Palm Desert