On Being Humpty Dumpty

Sorry I’ve been MIA for a bit, y’all. We’ve been knocking things off our wedding to-do list like crazy, I’ve been traveling for consulting and, most of all, I’ve been giving Humpty Dumpty a run for his money—which is equally painful, sucky and horrifically ill-timed.

Illustrations by the source for learning, via teachersandfamilies.com

Let me explain what I mean. I’ve mentioned before how I have a bad foot, and four years after the accident, it continues to be contentious. But I’m not talking about that—in the last few months, I’ve had two other accidents that have had friends and family suggesting we invest in a Bubble Boy suit.

screencap image via imdb

Toward the end of the summer, while visiting flower girl T and her family in Dallas, I tripped over a high curb/my own feet and landed on my face, busting off half of one of my front teeth. Not going to lie, it was awful—I knocked out my two front teeth as a kid and have had teeth anxiety ever since, so it was pretty much a nightmare come true again. Thankfully, T’s mama, who is beyond fab, got me into her dentist the next morning and I was able to get it bonded for a temporary fix.

Then, when I was in New York to have my wedding dress made, I was involved in a total freak accident the second day of my trip. Momma Archer and I had gone for a walk and hadn’t even made it off her block. As we approached a teenager mowing the grassy patch of sidewalk, he mowed over a pipe, causing it to shatter. I was only a few feet away and a chunk of that exploding pipe embedded itself in my ankle. I’ll fast forward through the long, gruesome story, but suffice it to say I was wheeled out of the ER six hours later with 15 stitches, a tetanus shot, a small skin graft and a bone bruise. I was stuck elevating it on the couch for two weeks (thank goodness for the end of Olympic coverage and DVR), and the stitches were in for another week after that. Since they were removed, though, healing has been slow and frustrating and I’m really rather cranky about having a painful open wound and limp five weeks later, and am stressed about healing by the big day.

And about those teeth…the saga continues. Last week, I spent three hours clutching Mr. Archer’s hand as I had my busted tooth and its pair drilled and prepped for veneers. I have HORRIFIC dental anxiety, but found a really patient dentist, Xanax, and blasting Pandora at top volume (Zac Brown Band, in this case) helped some. That being said, my upper lip was so swollen from nine (!!) novocaine shots that I looked like a kitten for a few days, according to Mr. A. I felt like I got punched in the face for most of the week, am still achy, may still need a root canal and paid a fortune for this torture. And frankly? The bonding made my smile crooked, my current set of veneer temporaries resemble yellow chicklets and my formerly-nice smile was just that, so I’m looking forward to having the procedure finished next week.

Mr. Archer has been a champ. He’s in charge of wound care (I’m a ninny, and can barely look at my foot without feeling ill), has been helping me hobble and just in general has been taking gold-star care of his broken girl. We’ve tried to find the humor in it, though…

(No, I don’t remember what he did to make me threaten violence. Like I said, I’m cranky.)

As Groomsman J said to me when he visited us a few weeks ago, “You’re kind of a clumsy person, so this is not all that surprising.” But, like I said, the whole mess is s generally sucky. I’m self-conscious about my smile in pictures from my showers, and we had to reschedule our first dance lessons because I couldn’t walk, much less dance. At this point, I’m running out of healing time, so I’m worried that I’ll need to replace my pretty wedding shoes with something else more supportive and less cute, and I’m worried that I’ll be in pain on our wedding day.

I’m headed out of town again in the morning, and we have tons to do in the next few weeks, so I’m just staying busy and crossing my fingers for quick healing. Is there anyone out there as uncoordinated as I am, or who dealt with a pre-wedding injury? Any suggestions for cut healing, or advice for dealing with situations you can’t control?


Mrs. Archer

Los Angeles/New Orleans
Wedding Date:
October 2012
We Start Today: We Have Arrived!
Inspirational Details: Table Numbers

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  1. Guest Icon Guest
    guest, Guest @ 4:13 pm

    that sucks.

  2. Guest Icon Guest
    Jeanne, Guest @ 4:34 pm

    So sorry about difficult times dear! Hang in there-and it sounds like your man has been quite sweet and helpful!!!

    If it makes you feel any better my fiancé proposed to me on December 22 and two days later on December 24 (Christmas eve) we got in a car accident while on our scooter on a super busy street in Seoul and we spent our Christmas Eve as a very newly engaged couple in the ER of a Korean hospital. In the past year my fiancé and I have had a total of 3 surgeries: one for a broken collar bone, tonsils removed, and one to removed lymph nodes for a cancer biopsy. It’s been a CRAZY year-BUUUUTTTTT, it makes it memorable and makes us a stronger couple in the end!

  3. Member
    alleycat 661 posts, Busy bee @ 6:23 pm

    Oh no, I’m so sorry! 🙁 If it helps, I was in pain on my wedding day, but it was still one of the best days of my life because I got married to the love of my life. I have IBS and can get pretty severe cramping and abdominal pain. Well, I was fine through the ceremony, but about two minutes after we got to the reception I had an “IBS attack” lol. The whole night my stomach was in knots and sometimes the cramping was so bad I had to hobble over to a table. I couldn’t enjoy the dessert bar or the open bar. BUT I sucked it up, danced as much as I could, and smiled because I had just gotten married!! That’s what’s most important. Not that I want you to be in pain on your wedding day! But if you are, remember that at the end of the day you got married and that’s all that matters (and Advil is your friend).

  4. Member
    purpeley 84 posts, Worker bee @ 8:32 pm

    Oh honey! You’re not alone, my front two teeth aren’t real either and yes the temporaries usually look HORRIBLE. I did have to have a root canal on one, but not on the other. That problem didn’t show up until about a year after they were replaced, I’m hoping the same will be true for you! Sending good healing thoughts your way!

  5. Member
    sweetbee29 525 posts, Busy bee @ 12:37 am

    I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this!! I hope you have lots of great wedding planning help. Be careful, ms.archer!!

  6. Member
    jacofblues 1468 posts, Bumble bee @ 5:57 am

    Oooh Miss Archer that sucks! I am ultra clumsy too! I can’t get through a day without scratching myself with my own engagement ring, knocking my knee or bumping my head! You have Mr Archer looking after you which is awesome! I hope you heal entirely and quickly!

  7. Member
    cicijapan 263 posts, Helper bee @ 5:36 pm

    I really really hope you get all better soon!

  8. msfox Bee
    msfox 1635 posts, Bumble bee @ 8:09 am

    Oh girl, you poor thing!! Sending good juju your way.. hopefully there are NO more accidents and you start to heal up more quickly before the wedding!

  9. coyote Bee
    coyote 2051 posts, Buzzing bee @ 9:20 am

    Oh my gosh you poor thing. I just want to give you a huge hug right now. I am so, so sorry! I hope you feel better soon and heal quickly!!

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