What We’re Keeping
- The Chuppah ceremony ”“ Pretty much all of it will be staying in the traditional structure, with a few key differences. Our rabbi has encouraged us to have my non-Jewish parents with us under the chuppah, which they have said yes to. Second, we are both exchanging rings, not just him. Lastly, we’re still figuring out the best way to have J’s parents escort him down the aisle, as his parents are divorced.
- Ketubah ”“ We will be keeping the traditional ketubah, but using the Canadian Reform text as seen on Ketubah.com. We’ve actually chosen one that we consider very fitting for us, but you’ll have to wait for that.
- Bedeken ”“ After the Ketubah signing, we are planning on doing a traditional Bedeken, but we’re still hoping to discuss a more egalitarian way we can do this with our rabbi.
- Auf Ruf ”“ This one is not confirmed, but it’s one we’re hoping for. Since we joined our synagogue, we have both felt very connected there, which is why we continue to try and go regularly. Since we can’t afford to invite the entire congregation, we’re hoping to have an Auf Ruf at some point before the wedding to celebrate with them.
- Yichud ”“ This is one of my favourite traditions. I think more religions and cultures should have it. We both love the idea of having a few minutes where we can sneak away from everyone and just enjoy each other.
- Horah ”“ This one is done at every wedding and Bar and Bat Mitzvah in the Gander gaggle. It’s also the part that scares me the most. Despite my fear of open heights, I have promised Gander I will try my best to do this.
What We’re Skipping
- Fasting ”“ There is no way I’m not eating before the wedding. That just seems like all kinds of bad ideas to me.
- Separation ”“ Gander and I live together, and neither one of us should have to leave our home for a week. Also, I know that I’ll be so stressed out during that time that I’ll need him to calm me down.
- Visiting the Mikvah ”“ I had to visit the mikvah as part of my conversion process, and I really would rather not do this again.
As of right now, none of this is confirmed, but this is how we’re hoping the Jewish part of our wedding will play out.
Did anyone else plan to pick and choose their traditions? Is anyone else combining religious with cultural?