The moment has hit! I am a few weeks away from my “big day” and it is causing me nothing but stress. I want to warn you now that this post is just me venting to the world.
I am exhausted: mentally, physically, emotionally. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but what started out as a great idea has taken a drastic turn for the worst. I am emotionally unavailable for anyone’s shenanigans, and I feel like that is all I am being met with. From in-laws inflating the guest count to feeling like I am in this alone.
So I am going to take this time to just get a few things off of my chest and I will hopefully be able to move past it. When my mother passed, I reluctantly decided to seek therapy to help me deal with my feelings. I was really looking for validation that I was not losing my mind and that my feelings were real. The therapist taught me a great exercise where I write down what I am not pleased about. Make a small box outside of each item (since I love lists, I was all over this). For each item that I could control or change the outcome of, I had to check the box. Afterward, I needed to make a plan to address the issue. Next, I needed to make a list of things that I am thankful for or excited about. When my environment seems to be going haywire, I meditate on the positive things. When she first described this, I told her that I was paying her too much money for this kindergarten activity (yeah, I was in a bad place—I am not normally that rude). Eventually, when I was honest with myself and wrote done true issues, I found it very helpful. The title of my lists are, “Ain’t Nobody Got Time for This” and “Life Is But a Dream.” Here goes my lists”¦
Ain’t Nobody Got Time for This:
- Bridesmaids’ dress shop ordering my dresses three weeks later than what they promised
- My in-laws adding an additional 30 people to their list (in addition to the 42 people they already invited)
- All the stupid errands
- My brother still not getting measured for his tux
- Finding a morally righteous DJ
- Getting NO CREDIT for juggling a new job, a new apartment, and planning a wedding
- FMIL trying to revamp my vision for MY day
Life Is But a Dream:
- I am going to marry my best friend.
- In a few weeks, all of this temporary stress will be off of my plate.
- Some of this wedding stress will be laughable in a few weeks.
- If these are “problems” then I am very very blessed.
You see, after really looking at the list of things that are causing me stress, there are only two or three that I can really change. For example, I cannot control that our original DJ wants to bring his mistress to our wedding as his date, when his wife will be in attendance. (Yes, I laughed at the suggestion too.) Nor can I control people’s ability to instinctively want to add their opinion/thought/advice for our day. All I can do it say “thank you” and keep it moving. Some suggestions may be incorporated and others will not.
What I can control is my schedule and to make good use of my time and run the errands efficiently. I can also treat myself to some breaks and recognize that there is only so much that I can do. So now, I will get a mani and pedi when I feel the need. I will also sit on the couch with a glass of wine filled to the brim and ingest alllllllll of those empty calories and no one will tell me no!
The one thing that I had to keep in mind is that we as women we instinctively “line things up and knock them out.” What I am saying is that we have a great ability to multitask, and we can handle a LOT! Right now, it is unfair of me to expect Mr. Scooter’s sole focus to be our wedding. He has the same things on his plate (juggling a new job, helping with the wedding, etc.), so what makes me so special? So I am going to offload some of that pressure to the wedding planner (after all, that is why we are paying her) and handle what I can”¦no more, no less. At the end of the day, I am going to marry my best friend. I don’t want him to hate me as a result of the process.
Am I the only one who has gotten to the point of being OVER it all? How did you cope with it? Is this normal? How many more times will I feel this way?