Saving Our Date

We have been engaged for eight months now. We are getting married in six, and I’ve known our date for six months too.

I have not done save the dates.

I have not done save the dates because I have a complicated train of thought around save the dates (even though Shamrock really wants them) and also because I am a slacker.

We have two couples we are friends with, both engaged after us, and both getting married before. I got one save the date today and the other yesterday. Both were combined Christmas card/save the dates.

Image via Etsy / No longer available

Lest you think my family (virtually none of whom live in Chicago) are going to be caught unaware of our date, I did make a website. Inspired by Mrs. Camel (who in turn was inspired by Mrs. Wallaby), I made a website on In fact, purchasing a custom domain name was one of the very first things Shamrock did (we have really generic names, so this was hard). I passed it on to my parents, who dutifully passed it on to their families (who I think had already been told the date anyhow). Many of my family members have already let us know they are or are not coming, so awareness isn’t an issue there. Shamrock’s family may not be as aware of our date, but it’s definitely out there.

Personal screenshot / Site created on

Hence my stance that we don’t really need them—everyone already knows our date.

Sort of.

My friends know our date. Or they can ask one of the bridesmaids, or me. And of course Friend S knows she’s invited. But A & J? And C? I invite them to our annual Christmas party. I like them. But we’ve don’t hang out one on one. If we have space, I’d love to have them at our wedding. But if we don’t, I’m OK with that—they aren’t must-invites. But all these people know each other. I don’t want them to feel second class if S gets a save the date and they don’t, and then get invited to the wedding. Awkward!

I was talking to my sister about save the dates, and told her BM Mathlete suggested we do them only for family and bridal party. But those are the people in the loop, so they don’t really need the date saved.

MOH Sis is really practical. And yet she said she loves save the dates, ESPECIALLY if she isn’t as close with the couple. Why? She knows if she’ll be invited or not.


I hadn’t even thought of that, but it is really helpful. I already knew both dates for the couples getting married in May, but now I know we’ll be invited (granted, I kind of knew, especially since I introduced one of the couples!), and I won’t schedule anything to conflict.

So now I’m even more torn. I want to make Shamrock happy, but who do I send them to? How do I handle the people I’m pretty sure we’ll have room for, but may not? Did you do save the dates? Who received them?


Mrs. Clover

Wedding Date:
June 2014
Dress Quest: Part 2
Love Potion #12: Boys Just Don't Smile
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  1. msclover Bee
    Mrs. Clover 123 posts, Blushing bee @ 6:43 pm

    @LauraFourEyes: Oh! I didn’t think you were implying that at all! It just always surprises me that people would join just to get married there! I can’t wait for the pictures, especially since Shamrock proposed there too.

  2. msfilly Bee
    Mrs. Filly 85 posts, Worker bee @ 3:36 am

    We only did save the dates because we’re sort of having a destination wedding – it’s not reeeeally a “destination”, but everyone has to travel at least two hours, so we wanted to give everyone as much advance notice re: hotel rooms, etc. as possible. If we were hosting a mostly local crowd, I’d be comfortable skipping save the dates, I think. Hope that helps a little?

  3. Member
    milo22 36 posts, Newbee @ 3:33 pm

    I did our save the dates last minute, probably even to the point were we didn’t need them…the invitation is going out in about 2 months and I read that they need to go out 6 months in advance. In the very beginning, I was really excited about doing that. I thought it was something all the cool modern kids did.

    Then it drew closer to the deadline and we didn’t have engagement photos done and they HAD to be done with an engagement photo. You know? That’s the way things are done…I couldn’t get ahold of our photographer…deadline past. Now they are late. So I debated it. As I was debating it, suddenly friends and family who KNEW the date were questioning it. I freaked out that people wouldn’t know when the wedding was and make other plans. Several already can’t go because they planned a vacation that weekend. I did make a wedding website as soon as we had our date but no one seemed to remember or check it.

    So we rush engagement photos and do it on the coldest day. My face was swollen in most of the photos from the cold so then we were limited.

    Now, I have people upset that they haven’t gotten a save the date…some are still getting an invite but save the dates are like buying invitations twice and it gets costly. (the postage alone adds up!) Some people I don’t want to invite and they invited themselves, so naturally they want a save the date.

    I totally get it – save the dates are like being part of a club. You’re really special to the couple if you get one.

    Am I happy with my save the dates? Yes, they came out great and the people who get them are excited.

    Would I do it again? I don’t know. Can’t we just send out invitations 4 months in advance instead of 4-8 weeks?

  4. msclover Bee
    Mrs. Clover 123 posts, Blushing bee @ 5:41 pm

    @Milo22: That’s basically been my experience :/ We had the e photos (something else Shamrock really wanted), but didn’t make any progress on the save the dates. My sister finally did it with him when she was home for Christmas. Hopefully my guests are as excited as yours to get them!

  5. Member
    milo22 36 posts, Newbee @ 11:26 am

    @Miss Clover: They will be! Guests do love receiving them. It makes them feel special.

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