My Bridesmaid Refuses to Get Her Hair Done with the Rest of the Bridal Party

A few summers ago, before I was dating my current fiancé, I was with my friends literally just about every day. It was the best summer—we were all single, and once we got out of work we would decide whose house to hang out at that night, and head straight there. If it was a weekend, we’d head to a bonfire somewhere. But when summer ended it was time for me to head back to college, meaning I wouldn’t see them nearly as much. About six weeks into the semester, I went home one weekend and ran into my (now) fiancé at a mutual friend’s party. We were inseparable ever since.

Obviously, all of my friends were really happy for me—he’s tall, sweet, good looking, athletic, etc., and I’d never been happier”¦but as the months wore on, one friend in particular started to act different toward me. I could tell she was mad that I was spending a lot of time with him instead of her, but here’s the thing—I was in college out of town, and he happened to work in that town, so it was easy for us to spend time together. It wasn’t as easy for me to see her—she was home, and I didn’t go home much. When I did, it was to see family or for a holiday. Anyway, we ended up getting engaged fairly quickly, and she didn’t act all that excited about it. I asked her to be a bridesmaid and she DID act excited about that, but ever since she got over the bridesmaid excitement she has been very distant and kind of snappy toward me when I try to talk to her. So I decided to just let her get over it on her own—all of my other friends were able to understand that I now had a relationship and was going to college full time, so she needed to understand that too.

I have since finished college and moved on to grad school, which I attend full time. I am also now living with my fiancé and working two jobs, so I have hardly any time to do anything besides work or homework, especially with planning a wedding on top of all that. But now she has a serious boyfriend of her own, whom she lives with. We still don’t see each other much, but I still consider her a friend and I am happy that she’s found someone that she’s happy with.

So here comes the problem—it will seem unrelated at first, but bear with me”¦I booked my hairstylist/makeup artist about a year ahead of time, and recently that has all pretty much fallen apart (double-booking, long story). So instead of dealing what that mess, I started looking into different salons to go with, and I finally found one. I found a hairstylist who is experienced and is willing to come to my house, with a coworker, to do hair for me and my entire bridal party, so I sent out a group message to the bridesmaids letting them know about the change, and that they would need to be at my parents’ house for 8:00 AM on the wedding day if they wanted their hair and/or makeup professionally done. A few hours later, that one particular friend who I mentioned above sent me a text saying that she will not be able to have her hair done with the rest of us and will not be able to be at, or near, my parents’ house at all that day because the hairstylist that I chose is her new boyfriend’s ex”¦

I asked her, “Do you really think she is going to start trouble while she is on the job, at my parents’ house, on a client’s wedding day? That would be extremely unprofessional.” And she replied that, no, she probably won’t start anything, but that she would just feel uncomfortable being around her boyfriend’s ex. I suggested that she get her hair done by the other stylist that will also be coming to my parents’ house so that she won’t have to be around her boyfriend’s ex or have her doing her hair, but, again, she replied that she would still be uncomfortable because the second stylist is “practically besties” with her boyfriend’s ex.

So if she really doesn’t come, she will miss out on pre-wedding photos and the limo ride to the ceremony. She also won’t get her hair and makeup done unless she does it herself or goes elsewhere. I feel like this is a huge part of the day and that it will be really fun for all of us girls, not to mention that it would be some quality time for all of us. So I don’t know what to do. Should I tell her to suck it up and be there? Should I just forget about it and make myself believe that it’s her loss? Should I confront the hairstylist and ask her if it will be an issue? Although, I feel like if I choose to confront the stylist that my friend will still not come.

I have no idea how to approach this, but I feel that she should be able to be an adult and just deal with it. I’m not asking her to be friends with the stylist or even interact with her at all. It’s only a couple of hours, not a whole day. What should I do, or what would you do?



Classifieds: February 14, 2014
Watercooler: February 15, 2014
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  1. Member
    ashylula 25 posts, Newbee @ 7:36 am

    Wow! She really should just suck it up for this one day. It’s not like you are asking her to spend the whole day with these stylists. But like a lot of others suggested just have her come over once the stylists leave. Troublesome BM are never fun to deal with especially ones that aren’t very supportive and then cause needless drama. Good Luck!! You may need to just put your foot down on this.

  2. Member
    lildolly011 18 posts, Newbee @ 12:17 pm

    I’m going to agree with a few of the others and say that as long as you didn’t intentionally book a stylist knowing it was her BF’s x, then here is no fault on your part. The day is not about her or the other gal for that matter, it’s about you! This is truly the one day in your life where it’s 100% about you and your fiance! What about suggesting she goes to get her hair and makeup done early that morning and comes over after so she can still “get ready” with everyone without having to be in direct contact with the x or her “bestie”?

  3. Member
    chandler114 70 posts, Worker bee @ 10:14 pm

    I would give her a couple options.
    1. Suck it up and have the stylist or her partner do her hair/makeup.
    2. Get it done else where but be there for the photos.
    3. Do it herself but be there for the photos.

    And if she didn’t want to do any of those things I would kick her out of the wedding. I wouldn’t be a B* about it but its the brides event and day(s) and being accommodating to guests and the wedding party is great! But they shouldn’t stress the bride out any more than they all ready are. I say give her a few options or kick her out. If she’s acting that childish over something so small what’s going to happen on the wedding day if she doesn’t like or want to do something and throws another tantrum? No.

    Good luck though. I am glad you have other friends who you can celebrate with!!

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