Wedding Stuff We’re NOT Doing

There are SO many possibilities for any wedding, and while that freedom can be really liberating—it can also be overwhelming. I feel like, especially at the beginning, a lot of our planning consisted of “planning by omission.” Here’s a sampling, and why:

Engagement Pictures
This is mainly because we couldn’t think of what we’d do with them. This might seem silly—of course you get engagement pictures done!—but beyond making a Facebook album and sending some to our folks, I was afraid they’d be sort of wasted. I knew early on I didn’t want to incorporate them into any of our paper products, and we chose a photographer largely based on her flexibility in exchanging an engagement shoot for extra wedding coverage. No regrets here.

Bouquet Toss/Garter Toss/Big Reception Entrance
We’re really trying to minimize the amount of time that 1) people’s eyes are on us and 2) is taken away from the party. I also get really nervous about logistics. What if my toss is not long enough? What if the garter gets stuck? Things like that. This just saves me some of that.

Flower Girl/Ring Bearer
Neither of us knows any little kids as most of our family members are grown. We could probably think of someone if we really put our minds to it, but I didn’t want to incorporate a child I wasn’t already close to into our ceremony.

Wedding Cake/Cake Cutting
Neither of us is big on dessert, and the cake cutting is yet another small moment that takes away from the party. Plus, cakes are so expensive! I know there’s symbolism in the cutting”¦but I honestly cannot tell you what it means. Plus, the donut thing sounds awesome.

What about you? Anything you’re NOT doing? Did anyone else “plan by omission” in the beginning?


Mrs. Gray Wolf

Washington DC
Wedding Date:
February 2013
Putting My Best Face Forward
Honeymoon in My Hometown: Charlottesville, Virginia
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  1. Guest Icon Guest
    Mel, Guest @ 8:15 pm

    We are eloping and then planning a reception/party a month or two afterward, so we get to skip a whole lot of wedding crap. I have never been one of those gals who dreams about her perfect day and perfect dress etc. We’re having a ceremony just for us and then a celebration with our friends and family. Cause that’s just us!

  2. Member
    lynnecedwards 3 posts, Wannabee @ 2:07 am

    This thread makes me so happy! I have had so much grief from people expecting us to have the wedding THEY want, I have no idea why people think they are entitled to judge every aspect of a day that is supposed to represent the love shared by two people. Of course if following traditions makes other people happy that’s great for them and I would never judge anyone else’s wedding plans, but for me and HTB traditions just don’t represent us.

    We are having a flower girl and page boy just because one of my bridesmaids has a little girl and the best man has a little boy and we wanted to include them. Other than that we’re ditching lots of traditions:

    1 – I love my dad so much but didn’t feel being “given away” was right for me, I am marrying my man, it’s a decision just for us, he’s not being “given away” so why should I!

    2 – No bouquet/garter toss, we have lots of single friends but I just don’t like the idea of it, implying that just because you’re single you must be desperate to get married and fight for a bouquet, marriage isn’t right for everyone.

    3 – No receiving line – it takes forever and is just plain awkward, we want to spend the night dancing not shaking hands, so we’re having some fun Scottish dances to include everyone instead of a stuffy formal receiving line.

    4 – The issue that has offended so many people is that I’m keeping my maiden name, the fact that nobody else understands this apart from my man just reinforces we are truly meant to be together!

  3. Guest Icon Guest
    cookecutter51, Guest @ 4:58 am

    Tradition has always been a part of my younger daughter’s “little-girl dreams”, so when the time actually came for her to be married, there were only a few things she changed or omitted. No flower girl or ring bearer–the guest list went back as far as first-cousins of the bride and groom, but not their children. Some children attended the ceremony with their parents, then stayed with a sitter for the reception. No real engagement photos because time just slipped away with only 8 months to plan the wedding. The week before, they had a friend do some outdoor shots so there was a nice one to put in the photo-frame cover of the guestbook. The ceremony was basically a compilation of meaningful Scriptures, vows, and songs that “redefined” the familiar, traditional wording. The unity-candle-lighting was a significant part of the wedding because we had a large pillar candle to represent God as the source of all life and light and love in our lives. The mother of the groom and myself lit the parents’ candles from “God’s Candle” at the beginning of the service and the bride and groom lit the centre unity candle while the pastor explained the meaning of it all. Very beautiful! My husband walked his “baby girl” down the aisle and escorted her up the stairs to the platform after she presented the two mothers with roses from her bouquet to be placed in vases in memory of dear grandparents. We did have a receiving line because the reception was fairly short with little time for personal visiting. (Photos were taken afterward.) The cake cutting was traditional as well, but no messy faces. The dance was later at a hall, but was not really well attended. The no-alcohol stipulation made by the bride and groom when they had the invitations printed was meant to make more of their guests feel welcome at the dance, but probably kept the “partiers” away. The bouquet and garter toss was done at the dance, although I had been hoping they would do it after the reception when there were more people to be involved and to watch. All in all, we had lots of comments on what a great time everyone had, so I’d say it was a success!

  4. Guest Icon Guest
    Christine, Guest @ 6:22 am

    We did engagement photos and loved it. It was a great way to get comfortable with our photographer and we plan to use the pics for our save the dates and guest book. Also as decor at the bridal shower. The garter/bouquet toss we dropped as we don’t have many single friends/family and didn’t want to single out all 3-5 of them. I’m not having kids at my wedding either so no ring bearer or flower girl…my niece is too little and I don’t want people to have to worry about where their kids are and not enjoying themselves to the fullest. Not to mention videographers use this as an excuse to take hours of footage of children dancing on the dance floor. Cute but not happening.

  5. Member
    latascha 11 posts, Newbee @ 7:54 am

    I like this posting because there are many ‘traditional’ things that I am not incorporating in my wedding. Didn’t have an engagement party, we partied every weekend so that was enough for us. Didn’t have a bridal shower, had a bachelorette party but that was enough. We are having a destination wedding, Im walking down the aisle by myself since my dad wont be able to make the trip, Im very understandable with that. Our wedding party is small, everyone is already married so the garter toss is out of the question. We are just having a small cake and champagne, no reception, we are going to the one of the restaurants at the resort afterwards and then off to the nightclub to party that’s also on the resort. I didn’t get a chance to do Boudoir Pics…just didn’t have any time. Plus I send my fiancé pics on his phone from time to time, so…well…you know, lol! I didn’t send out invitations, we did the STD that was Boarder Pass style. We are not having an at home reception but instead having a New Years party for family and friends. No kids are allowed at the resort, so no ring bearer, flower girl, junior brides, etc, no rehearsal dinner. This is my first wedding, my fiancé’s second, he kept asking me if I wanted to do all of the things that are traditional, but Im not a traditional person, so it really didn’t make much sense to incorporate things in our wedding that didn’t symbolize us.

    Your wedding is all what you make it to be. You have to happy because basically, it’s a celebration for you and your husband, I’m so glad to see other Brides out here are doing things their way and not what society expects them to do. Less stress, congrats to all the brides and brides to be!

  6. Member
    pinkglittergirl 313 posts, Helper bee @ 12:49 pm

    we arent doing a garter toss or bouquet toss. We also didn’t do engagement pictures.

  7. Member
    lmeenol 19 posts, Newbee @ 12:53 pm

    i’m considering not doing a flower girl or boy so that i can keep it an “adults only” reception. also, is it really necessary to do the bouquet toss and cake cutting? i just want to have a good time with the guests..

  8. Guest Icon Guest
    mrsrubio, Guest @ 3:20 pm

    We would have skipped the engagement photos too, but they are free with our wedding photography package. Our photographer said they are a good idea so he knows what to expect from us the day of the wedding. For example, one of us may be a ‘blinker’. 🙂

    We are skipping the guest book (can’t see myself ever looking at it), programs, save the date cards and the couples gifts to each other.

  9. Member
    margaritaville 768 posts, Busy bee @ 10:23 am

    no seating chart. not doing it. we’re all adults, and frankly you’re blending two families together so get up and mingle people! i’m not going to rip my hair out on who’s going to sit where. I’ll have enough tables for everyone, a kids arts and crafts table, the end.

    probably no cake – hello cupcakes!

    no father/daughter dance. i would like to do an anniversary dance where all couples get on the dance floor with us and we call off years people have been together until only the longest couple and us are dancing.

    no ceremony programs – we’re getting married, duh?

    only engaged 2 days, i’m sure much more will be nixed.

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