Old Friends: Who to Invite?

We just passed the four month mark before the big day. It is making me a little nervous, because for some reason, three months until the wedding seems a lot closer than four. Last week I looked at our timeline and realized that our unfinished guest list is staring me in the face. My hesitancy to produce the final list has come as a result of some decision-making issues. Let me explain. Beyond our list of definite invites, there is a group of “indefinites” (for lack of a better word). These are friends we were once close to, yet, we have drifted apart from either physically or emotionally: childhood friends, high school friends, college friends, and friends from old jobs. Well, you get the picture. We are on the fence about inviting many of these people. On the one hand, they have been significant people to us at certain times in our lives. On the other hand, these are not people that we interact with every day. A friendly note via Facebook, an email, or running into them at a social gathering is just about the extent of our communication.

Where do you draw the line as to which friends get an invite and which don’t? We have some room on our guest list. Not a lot, but some. I feel conflicted because several of my future in-laws’ friends will probably get an invite (don’t get me started on this subject), and we barely know a lot of them. So why then, should we fail to consider old friends?

The flip side of this is that maybe some of the indefinites don’t even want to attend our wedding. I’m a realist. I understand that not everyone is banging down the door to get into our wedding, especially those we haven’t seen in a while. I don’t want to put them in an awkward situation where they are like, “Hmmm, if we say “yes”, does that mean we have to dole out money for a gift for these people?” (Okay, I hope no one says that. But you never know…)

Do you have any indefinites on your list? Also, if an old or distant friend has invited you to their wedding, did you find yourself (a) happy and honored to get the invite, or (b) uncomfortable that you were invited and searching for any excuse to get out of it?


Mrs. Glitter

Los Angeles
Wedding Date:
June 2016
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  1. Member
    driftslikesmoke 1224 posts, Bumble bee @ 10:37 pm

    We make a decision based on the very wise advice of my FH’s aunt who had an oversized wedding with an unlimited guest list. She told us that we should choose our list based on who we planned to have in our lives in ten years. If that means forgoing the coworkers we see every day now but aren’t connected to in favor of those who we only see occasionally but plan to keep in touch with for the long term, that’s what we’re going to do. 🙂

  2. Member
    mrspaetz 3812 posts, Honey bee @ 11:54 pm

    we ended up being extremely brutal and now have a guest list of 40 😛

  3. Member
    honeymyheart 764 posts, Busy bee @ 1:42 am

    i was just thinking about my guest list! one of my really close high school friends just got in touch with me, after 4 or so years, and we’re reconnecting. right now my fiance and i have decided we’d stick to inviting people who we talk to on a regular basis. regular meaning once a month.

  4. Guest Icon Guest
    Valerie, Guest @ 1:59 am

    How I feel you on this one! It’s a wedding-related topic that I’ve mulled over more than any other, believe it or not. In the end, I decided to invite them. I am very sentimental and even if we’re not active in eachothers’ lives, they’re part of who I turned out to be, and sentimentality got the best of me. When I asked for a friend’s advice he said “I know they still think of you,” and that, although simple, made me realize that even if they didn’t come, I wanted them to know that I wanted them to. We’re getting married April 4, and while most guests can’t make our out-of-town wedding (an especial point of guest-list contention), most expressed their interest and happiness. In the end, that’s all I really needed.

  5. Member
    Tstew 109 posts, Blushing bee @ 10:35 am

    I understand… We are going through this now. My fiance and I have just set a time as to when we last talk to the person. If they don’t fit the timeline then we move them to the “B” list and if someone can’t come, then they will get an invite.

    If I’m invited to a wedding, I always try to go but if I can’t I will just send a nice gift..

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