Flowers bore me. They really do. They all look the same to me, and I have no interest in learning the names of all the different breeds/species of flower. I can’t think of anything more boring than horticulture, can you? The only flower-related knowledge I’ve gained in my years of trolling wedding blogs is that I don’t know the names of 99.99% (repeating, of course) of flowers. Did you know this is called “ranunculus”?
Image via Dandelions Flowers & Gifts
I’m gonna start using that word in my everyday life. Like, “You’re being ranunculus! What are you thinking?”
And these are called billy balls. (I can’t make this stuff up, people.)
“That guy’s got a lot of billy balls, I tell ya.”
These flowers are actually my favorites, and I knew about them long before I began mentally planning my wedding:
“Gerbera” just sounds like a baby making bubble noises. Or a man motor boating someone. Poor taste?
Anyway, these flowers are all pretty and everything, but show me a picture of any flower and I’ll tell you it’s pretty.
Image via parasiticplants.siu.edu / Photo by Photograph by Harry Wiriadinata
Except this one. That flower is so ugly it makes that man’s mustache look downright sexy.
If you know anything about me by now (besides my distaste for flower decisions) it should be my extreme cheapness. I’m not what you’d call frugal, because then Mr. Unicycle would like me a lot better. Rather, I like to spend a lot of money on a lot of cheap things. And from what I can tell, buying flowers for your wedding entails spending a LOT of money on a few expensive things. That doesn’t work for me. Why do you think I choose Old Navy over the Gap every. single. time?
I honestly don’t know how much a single centerpiece would cost for my wedding. I know it has to do with what type of flowers you pick, what time of year your wedding is, what florist you book, and what type of flower receptacle you use. But whether the centerpiece is $40 or $200, it’s too much for me. We’re having about 20 tables (plus or minus a few), so if you know basic math, even $20 a table is going to be…well, money we could have spent elsewhere, to put it less mathematically. So what am I going to do instead of hiring a florist?
Paper flowers!!! Exciting stuff. I’m going to make all the bouquets and probably the boutonnieres out of paper (BTW, why is that word so hard to spell? What gives, wedding people?), and the centerpieces will all be made of crepe paper. Other than that, there will be no flowers. I already made a prototype or three for the centerpieces. Ready for some crappy pics?
Not sure which looks worse, the bright one or the dark one. So you get both.
I was too cheap to buy those foam spheres from the craft store, so I wadded up newspaper instead. Here’s a tip: Don’t do that. I’m going to copy Mrs. Penguin’s idea for the rest and use paper lanterns instead.
Artsy closeup shot
The yellow paper-ball things are similar to what I’m going to actually end up using, but I didn’t like how that paper looked so just ignore it for now. I’ll do another post about centerpieces later.
I haven’t started crafting the bouquets yet because I know they’ll get smashed/ripped/ruined or even lost in the next eight months, so I’m going to wait until we get closer to the wedding. I haven’t even decided what paper-flower tutorial I’m going to use yet, but these lovely paper blooms have made their way onto my pinboard so far:
Yes, these are ranunculus. And ridonkulus. Tutorial here!
Image via Martha Stewart
Image via A Field Journal
Image via Martha Stewart
Image via Aunt Peaches
Do you think anyone will miss real flowers? I don’t think so. These bad boys look so realistic in the photos. Plus, I kind of think the whole “smelling flowers” thing is a conspiracy. Maybe my nose isn’t sensitive enough or something, but they always just smell like plants to me. I’m sure my guests won’t mind smelling crepe paper and dried glue during dinner.
Do you have any other paper-flower tutorials? I’m collecting them, so show me your links!