Let’s Talk about Perfection

There was a time in my life when I was preoccupied with perfection. For many, the idea of attaining perfection inspires. We’re driven to succeed or work harder or be more resilient. Unfortunately, perfection can become a dangerous taskmaster for some.

In reality, being obsessed with perfection was crippling at some points in my life. If I didn’t think I could do something flawlessly, I didn’t even try. If I didn’t think I looked or felt absolutely perfect, I stayed in and worked on something at which I knew I’d be successful. I could put on a happy face even if I felt sad or upset about something. I considered this to be a tremendous asset at the time, but it probably cut me off from some great experiences and creating bonds with some people.

I started using the mantra “perfect is boring.” I gave myself permission to mess up and take risks. As I became a little more laid back, my life got much more interesting and I probably was a lot more fun to be around.

When wedding planning came up, the need for perfection started to creep back into my life.


From Grey Likes Weddings / Photo by Gina Meola / via Lover.ly

I made list after list of projects I had to execute, of things I needed to buy, and of people I had to wrangle. All the while, I was worrying about looking old in photos, about having enough time to juggle all of my commitments, about not being a burden on my bridal party, and about a mother who couldn’t be present during the planning process. Mr. Mink was a calming force at those times when I was especially worried. He was the picture of consistency as I jumped around from one project or idea to the next.

On top of Mr. Mink’s support, I was getting positive feedback from all around. Friends, bloggers from my design-blog days, and members of the hive would say nice things about my projects or about some aspect of our wedding plans. Instead of simply accepting those positive words, I worried about making our wedding “worthy” of them.


From Snippet & Ink / Photo by Ozzy Garcia / via Lover.ly

Though I love blogging, I have to say that some blogs probably fueled my preoccupation with perfection a little bit. I spent hours gobbling up all the eye candy on wedding blogs. I still love them, but I realized that I have to keep my distance and not spend too, too much time on them. Perfection was everywhere on some of those blogs.


From Snippet & Ink / Photo by Angela Higgins / via Lover.ly

In a way, I should be thankful for the dust-ups that have happened in the last week. (I already told you about the problem with printing programs, but there’s more to come.) When I told my sister-in-law about what was happening, she told me that the two weeks before the wedding are full of speed bumps and missteps, but at the end of the wedding day, those won’t matter.

That drive for perfection that’s inside me wants our wedding to look like one of those styled shoots on the wedding blogs, but I know I need to be at peace with the idea that something might not go according to plan.

Are you a perfectionist or a recovered perfectionist? Did wedding planning make you obsess about being perfect? How did you handle that?


Mrs. Mink

Charlottesville, Virginia
Wedding Date:
June 2012
Displaying Old Wedding Photos
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  1. msfairy Bee
    msfairy 976 posts, Busy bee @ 2:48 pm

    I can completely relate! It’s amazing how caught up in the little details you become, and at the end of the day, all that matters is you are marrying your love. But with all the blogs, magazines and pinterest inspiration out there, you want to incorporate every detail!! Good luck in the next month, and I hope you don’t get too stressed trying to perfect everything – I know your wedding will turn out stunning 🙂

  2. Guest Icon Guest
    Eileen, Guest @ 3:15 pm

    You know what’s important on your wedding day? The look on Mr. Mink’s face when he sees you come down the aisle and when you say your vows to each other. The rest is nice but not really so important. Feeling the love of family and friends is important. The day is about declaring your love and commitment to each other, and having the support of your loved ones as you start this new chapter in your life. When I think back on the best weddings I attended, what they had in common was a feeling of joy among all present. Both were modest affairs (VFW hall, church basement).

    On my own wedding day, I went to the hospital with my Godmother and totally missed the post reception “at home” party. Neil held down the fort at home until I could return. We talk about it as our real life wedding and his easy going attitude of rolling with the punches is one of my more
    endearing memories of that day. So, focus on what the day is all about and let the rest just happen. Let your guard down and feel the love around you.

  3. Member
    lisaelanna 531 posts, Busy bee @ 7:27 pm

    I had the most trouble when I got my photos back from my photographer. My wedding and the pictures from it didn’t even come close to some of the weddings on this site and on stylemepretty (my other obsession) and I was REALLY disappointed. But honestly, although there are things I might change if I knew what I know now, when I got our album back it really put things into perspective and helped me deal with all those feelings. My wedding was perfect and unique in all its own ways… Honestly, every wedding I’ve been to since my wedding has been totally different and infused with the personality of the brides planning them. None of them has been even close to perfect, but all of them have been beautiful.

  4. Member
    Missido 813 posts, Busy bee @ 11:00 am

    Yes, yes and yes. I am a recovering perfectionist. So I know what you’re talking about.

  5. coyote Bee
    coyote 2051 posts, Buzzing bee @ 7:36 pm

    Oh Mink, thank you for this post. I always have and always will be a perfectionist. I am trying hard to not let it creep up into wedding planning! My latest motto is to just get through the day with the least amount of things going wrong as possible. 😉 I agree though.. Perfect is boring! Embrace the imperfections!

  6. Member
    Future Army Wife 2213 posts, Buzzing bee @ 7:56 am

    Everything you’ve done has been fantastic! Your wedding will be perfect without you trying.

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