I’ve heard a lot of ladies complaining about their fiances putting their foot down on certain wedding-related details. Some have even gone so far as to accuse their significant others of being groomzillas. Now, I think the “-zilla” title can be a little unfair, whether it’s thrown at a man or a woman—but I think that opens up an interesting discussion into the role of both parties in planning a wedding.


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I’ve read that, traditionally, the bride-to-be would take her mother to appointments with vendors. Now, the role of mothers is often replaced by the grooms. I admit, Mama Wallaby lives 3,000 miles away, and I was more than happy to have Mr. Wallaby by my side each time we met with a vendor. Of course, it depends entirely on your circumstances: since Mr. W and I live in the same city and our work schedules are very similar, it was easy for us to pencil in vendor appointments in the evenings after work.

Aside from attending more wedding-related events and appointments, a lot of grooms are also raising their voices about their own wedding visions. It’s not unheard of anymore to hear of a groom who was particular about the flowers or the ceremony chair arrangement. Some guys do care about cake flavors—and some guys want a little bling on their own rings! It’s interesting what you learn about your man when you’re discussing the details. Mr. W was insistent on having purple uplighting at our wedding, he kept careful notes of must-play songs for our DJ, and he was adamant about all of the groomsmen matching from head to toe—the guys even rented matching shoes. He researched wedding videos and worked closely with the videographer to ensure that he captured footage of specific moments of the wedding day in a particular style.

We’re lucky: Mr. W and I didn’t have any major disagreements over the wedding. Our relationship functions as a democracy, and we had an informal vote before making any major decision or signing a contract. But I don’t think either of us stepped on the other’s toes with our ideas, and we both got excited about each other’s new visions. We made the most out of every situation, and we tried to turn anything we could into a fun little date. (Case in point: our rehearsal dinner tasting.)

Of course, everyone has their limits. Mr. W got a little upset one night when I kept asking him which picture of us we should print out onto a canvas to display at the rehearsal dinner. (I couldn’t decide between three pictures, and I probably asked him for his opinion 10–15 times…sorry, Mr. W!) And he also didn’t take much interest in helping assemble our DIY invitations–although he kept me company while I worked away at those, which is very noble nonetheless. When I reflect on the times we’ve clashed during wedding planning, or the times when I’ve gotten frustrated that Mr. W couldn’t be more helpful with something, I remember that I married him in part for our differences. If he were just like me, our household appliances would never get fixed, our cars would never be washed, the computer would be bogged down by viruses, and our monthly spending at Target would be through the roof. I married Mr. W for his bottomless love for me, for his unending patience, his forgiveness, and his compassion for people and the environment. I married him for his lighthearted demeanor, his intellect, and his big bear hugs—not for his skills as a party planner.

So here’s to you, Mr. Wallaby, and to all of the husbands-to-be out there who are supportive and lend a hand however they can. Thank you for your patience and support, and for all of your great ideas. And sorry for that glue gun that burned your hand.

How have you and your significant other divided (or shared) the work in planning your wedding?


Mrs. Wallaby

Wedding Date:
November 2012
Gallery of the Day
Lives Intertwined: Pictures of the Bride

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  1. Member
    mrs_brownie 847 posts, Busy bee @ 8:42 am

    every decision i made for the wedding, i included my fiance. i think that that’s the way it should be! it’s not just the brides wedding, it’s the bride and the grooms 🙂

  2. mstreasure Bee
    mstreasure 1655 posts, Bumble bee @ 8:49 am

    Because I had a more flexible schedule, I did the majority of the work, but Mr. T was very involved. Anything I asked him to do, he did enthusiastically. The wedding is about two people, so it’s only appropriate to include your partner in the planning.

  3. mstoadstool Bee
    mstoadstool 2485 posts, Buzzing bee @ 8:54 am

    I was surprised about some of Mr. Toadstool’s opinions, but for the most part he gave me free reign in wedding planning, more than once I know he just let me win the battle in order to maintain peace.
    I tried to include him in everything, I asked his opinion about everything even if it didn’t concern him or if he didn’t care, but due to his work schedule he did miss a lot.

  4. gloves Bee
    gloves 190 posts, Blushing bee @ 9:08 am

    I love this post! Doing all of the wedding plan with the help of McGlovin kind of just seemed natural- I mean, it’s OUR wedding and we both have jobs, so it’s not like one or the other us had more time to do anything. I guess it never occurred to me that it would usually be my mom helping make plans, rather than my fiance 🙂

  5. Member
    fronkinzankinsbride 46 posts, Newbee @ 9:48 am

    I’m thankful I’m marrying a lady…for about a million reasons.

  6. Member
    brooklyn55 743 posts, Busy bee @ 10:47 am

    I am making 95% of the decisions myself and that is exactly how I like it. My fiance and I discussed from the beginning the role he would have in planning. He lives about 45 minutes away and teaches/coaches working between 10 and 12 hours a day on top of being a full time graduate student.I am a full time graduate student but currently not working so I have plenty of time. We knew it would be easier for me to meet with vendors (there is no way he can get up here during the week before 7pm). He also is just not the kind of guy who cares about details. At first I tried to ask him “which of these flavor cakes do you prefer” and his answer was whichever makes you happy. I still include him in the decisions I make.. He knows what our colors are, what our buffet entrees are, what flavors I choose for the cake, etc. but he has not made a single decision. In fact, with his busy schedule, I went with 2 of his groomsmen by myself to look at tuxes. He just didn’t have the time and I don’t mind doing it. After all, the reason he took on a 2nd coaching job was so that we could go on MY dream honeymoon, something I would have never asked him to do! Love him!!

  7. mspony Bee
    mspony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 11:46 am

    Mr. P helped with a lot of work during our planning because I worked full time while he didn’t, but once he had a job I just started making decisions because he was miles away and couldn’t care about every detail.

  8. Member
    cosmo_gmr 488 posts, Helper bee @ 1:02 pm

    Awww this is such a cute post! It made me tear up a bit when you describe why you married him :3

  9. Member
    krislynn_sd 72 posts, Worker bee @ 1:34 pm

    Thanks for the reminder! I found myself getting very frustrated with my fiance for being so particular about many things – and its different when I’m the one who wants to just give up and elope and he wants to plan a big wedding.
    But you’re very right – it is OUR wedding and not just his or not just mine. We just need to calmly talk about it. 🙂 You’re right, I wouldn’t want to have it any other way than have him in the plans too.

  10. msfox Bee
    msfox 1635 posts, Bumble bee @ 1:57 pm

    Wonderful post, Wallaby! Foxy was mostly hands off, but he definitely surprised me at times with what he *did* want to be involved with. He was very precise with having all the guys matching as much as possible, and music was a huge deal to him. I think planning a wedding with your groom-to-be is such an interesting – but fun! – experience.

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