The father of one of my BFFs is a Methodist minister, and on top of that, just a wonderful man. You know those people that you meet and just like right away but you can’t really explain why? That’s him. He always has a sense of calm about him and he’s just a genuinely caring, genuinely interested in other people kind of guy. After seeing him officiate the weddings for two of the women in my house party (including his daughter’s), I knew I wanted him to officiate mine.
Mr. K at his daughter’s (House Party Jessica) wedding
|Tim Watson Photography|
Mr. K at House Party Suzanne’s beach wedding
At his daughter’s wedding, Mr. K said, “So Hippo, I guess you’re next!” To which I replied, “Well, that’s because I’m last.” See, at the time he officiated his daughter’s wedding, I was single as can be. Very single. As in, dating no one and not caring single. As in, the only one of all my close friends still single, single. I was basically as far away from being in a relationship as single can be. But, I still knew that someday I wanted to have Mr. K (Rev. K?) officiate at my wedding.
Fast forward 3 years or so. Not only were King Hippo and I engaged, but Mr. and Mrs. K were getting ready to move from Florida to Dallas, which meant they would be living in our wedding city when our nuptials rolled around. Score! So…here’s the sticky part. King Hippo and I aren’t church goers, and we definitely consider ourselves more “spiritual” than religious. Mr. K is a minister. So…yes. There’s that.
I decided to approach Mr. K with this head on, letting him know that I would love to have him officiate, but that we aren’t really religious people. I have to tell you…I was nervous. I don’t know why. It’s not like the man was going to judge me. I mean, not judging people is part of the deal, right? And, OK, so the “approaching it head on” thing may have been a nervously written and many times rewritten email. The moral of the story is… well, there are two morals, really. One: I’m a total wimp. Two: Mr. K let me know that the fact that we’re not affiliated with any particular religion is not an obstacle to him performing our ceremony. Sweet! He did say that it would be helpful for him to know a little more about our spiritual/religious histories and how we view God so that he can avoid content that would cause us to make verbal commitments that are not consistent with our beliefs.
I am beyond thrilled.
Mr. K’s comment really got me thinking about the ceremony. I love the fact that even though he clearly has his own religious viewpoints, he wants to make sure our ceremony fits who we are…not anybody else. I think so many times non-religious couples stick religious elements or readings in their ceremonies ’cause they think they are “supposed to,” but for me, it just doesn’t feel right. I can’t even remember the last time I held a Bible, so quoting from one on our wedding day just doesn’t seem quite appropriate.
King Hippo and I are meeting with our officiant next month, and I’m really excited to discuss how we can shape our ceremony into something that will be meaningful but still representative of the couple we are and hope to become.
Anyone else out there have an uncomfortable talk (or email) with your officiant? How did it turn out?