Getting Over Myself

With three weeks until the wedding, our numbers are in, we are working on all the fun logistics like seating charts and who will sit where, but there is a deep nagging feeling of disappointment when I look at our list.

Warning: slightly ranty pity party for one ahead.

Now, I knew ahead of time that you typically get 20% declines of all the invitations you send, and that is exactly what we got. We sent out 124 invitations, and we got 25 “declines with regret” or just plain old “no” from those who couldn’t be bothered to mail back the response card that has a self-addressed stamped envelope included, and we had to spend hours tracking them down—seriously rude. How hard is it to check a box and put it in the mail? Or even better the ones who respond yes, and then text that they can’t make it. GRRR. (/rant) Sorry. I really do get that life happens and unexpected things occur, and our wedding isn’t nearly as big a deal to anyone else as it is to us, but it just stings.

Some of them were definitely expected: Mr. Ly’s cousins who live in Arkansas and both just had babies; my parents’ friends who live all over the country and I haven’t seen since I was little (and have never met Mr. Ly). But I did hope, or expect, even, that more of our family would be there. Mostly, MY family. I hate to say this, and I do feel like a brat when I do…but my brother got married not three months before our wedding—and many of the guests that came to his are not coming to our wedding. And it hurts. I know there may be extenuating circumstances, and it’s not really them choosing his wedding over mine—but it doesn’t stop it from feeling that way.

I have classic middle child syndrome, and my family has always taunted me for that. I count and measure and compare everything against my sister and brother, because all I wanted when I was little (and still to this day) was for things to be fair. I didn’t need to have more than anyone, I just needed to know that I wasn’t getting the short end of the stick. My rational side kicks in, and I know for this wedding, I am not. I am very VERY lucky to be having the wedding that we are able to have. My brother may have had more of our family members attend, but he had to seriously limit the number of his friends he could include. We have a higher minimum, so less family for us means we can include people we weren’t able to include from the start (yes, the dreaded B-list!).

The conclusion I have come to is that I need to get over it. Get over the stupid hurt feelings I have that my cousins and family who attended his wedding won’t be at ours, stop taking it all so personally. I’m sure most of these people really do wish they could be at the wedding. I am trying my best to be understanding when people keep canceling (we had four people who were originally yeses text today to say they can’t make it—so maybe that’s why the feeling is so strong right now) and just get over myself.

Thanks for being a listening ear, bees. If anyone will get it, I know it’s the hive. Anyone else go through last-minute pity parties when you got some disappointing responses?


Mrs. Lyre

Wedding Date:
January 2013
Gallery of the Day
A Foxy Fête: The Guestbook
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  1. msarmadillo Bee
    msarmadillo 497 posts, Helper bee @ 7:56 am

    I am seriously concerned that many of Mr. A’s guests will decline and not come to the wedding, and that makes me feel really bad for him. Since we’re having the wedding in my hometown, most of the people on my half of the guest list are local…his people will have to commute from 2 or so hours away. I’m really hoping everyone comes to support him, though–fingers crossed!

  2. Member
    ChicagoDreamer 509 posts, Busy bee @ 11:13 am

    I’m sorry you aren’t having certain guests attend who you expected. I think I would feel hurt too. I’m the kind of person who always tries to see the positive side, so what I can say is that those who are with you on your big day truly want to be with you and they are ecstatic to see you wed the love of your life. That’s something special.

  3. mspony Bee
    mspony 9265 posts, Buzzing Beekeeper @ 11:57 am

    You are more than entitled to have a pity party. This is an important day, one you’ve invested a great deal of time and money into, so when people treat it (and by extension, you and Mr. Ly) in a negative way, it’s bound to hurt. Big hugs, I know you’re going to have a fantastic day when all is said and done, but it’s not always fun getting to it.

  4. Member
    nikstar 246 posts, Helper bee @ 1:40 pm

    my rsvp date is today and i have not had one from my partners side of the family and some of mine. all of my friends rsvp’d. i made it pretty easy email or phone. it gives you the shits!

  5. graywolf Bee
    graywolf 725 posts, Busy bee @ 3:12 pm

    i too have been pretty annoyed with the text or “so and so told me theyre coming” emails. especially after spending so much time and money to send fancy, cool invitations. i totally sympathize, miss L!

  6. Member
    jacofblues 1468 posts, Bumble bee @ 11:02 pm

    Aww Miss Lyre what feelings you have are perfectly normal. At my hens night there were 4 girls who stayed… 4!! The rest went home before a show they had paid to see! So I know how it feels!

  7. coyote Bee
    coyote 2051 posts, Buzzing bee @ 8:24 am

    I totally understand how you are feeling Lyre! We had a 40% decline rate and some of the “no’s” were really disappointing to us. That being said, we were so, so happy with a smaller wedding because it meant being able to spend more quality time with the guests who did make an effort to attend. ((hugs))

  8. Member
    stephk527 987 posts, Busy bee @ 11:16 am

    I don’t even think you need to get over yourself, Miss Lyre! This SUCKS – especially the rude people who can’t send in RSVP’s. I hate when people are inconsiderate and I’m sorry this is affecting you and Mr. Ly. Totally on your side here. There are tons of silver linings, as other commenters & bees have pointed out, but right now it’s just poopy and that’s okay. Tons of hugs and positivity your way! <3

  9. Member
    mariewest 304 posts, Helper bee @ 9:34 pm

    I originally wanted to invite only 100 and hope that maybe 85 people actually show up, but now the list has grown to 125, so i’m looking forward to some “no’s.” But I understand that it can be frustrating. I’ll be very upset if certain people can’t make it. But you know what, they are missing out. Enjoy the people who actually WANT to be there for your big day. Smile and have fun!

  10. painauchocolat Bee
    painauchocolat 2298 posts, Buzzing bee @ 4:27 pm

    Even though it was closer to 2 years ago, I still remember how it felt to get those “no” responses returned to us. *hugs* Maybe there will be a silver lining.

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