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Virgin or not, the wedding night conjures up all kinds of excitement and nervous energy. This is the night, the one you’ve been anticipating for a long time, so it’s only natural that you want everything to be perfect.
Whether you’ve never slept together before, or you’ve done it a thousand times, everyone wants their wedding night to go smoothly. Remember, even if something doesn’t go 100% perfectly on your wedding night, it doesn’t mean that your marriage or your sex life is doomed. The best way to really get rid of the wedding night jitters is to be open and honest with your spouse and talk about what your expectations and anxieties are. Above all, remember to have fun and try to relax. Sex isn’t the biggest part of marriage, but it’s certainly one that should be enjoyed and savored.
Let’s talk about all the ways to make your wedding night memorable.
It Doesn’t Have to be Outrageous
Despite what you’ve seen in movies and read about in books, your wedding night doesn’t have to be completely over-the-top with rose petals, champagne with candles everywhere. The two of you have just made a commitment to spend your lives together—the romance element takes care of itself.
Of course, making your wedding night a little extra special is a good plan. However, don’t feel like there is a requirement to put on a big production. On the flip side, don’t be disappointed if your new husband or wife hasn’t arranged for all of the bravado you were expecting. Just being together is what matters the most.
Book a Nice, Comfortable Hotel Suite
Even if you’re not going on a honeymoon, you should still enjoy your wedding night in style. If it’s in your budget, book a suite at the fanciest hotel in town, or make arrangements to stay at a bed and breakfast. Ask the receptionist if they have a special deal for honeymooners. They might have a romantic package that includes champagne, rose petals, or something else special for newlyweds.
Above all, make sure the room is private. Put up the Do Not Disturb sign so that no one knocks on the door wanting to change out your towels, killing the mood in the process.
Wear Something Special for the Occasion
You’ll already be wearing your wedding gown when you get to your hotel room, but have something in your suitcase that’s ready to go for the wedding night. Many brides take this opportunity to wear the lingerie that they got from their friends at the bachelorette party.
Wearing sexy lingerie will make you feel more confident, and your new spouse will definitely enjoy it as well. Not into lingerie? Just ditch it for wearing absolutely nothing at all. The response will be overwhelming.
Plan for Protection if It’s Your First Time
For all the virgins out there, it’s important to think about what kind of protection you’ll want to use on the wedding night. If you’re planning on taking birth control, be sure to plan ahead to allow time for it be effective. Generally, it takes about five to seven days after taking the pills to protect you from an unplanned pregnancy. Visit your OBGYN a couple of months ahead of your wedding to talk to them about your contraception options.
If you choose not to take birth control, be sure that you have planned for other forms of protection like condoms. It’s good to have a frank discussion with your future spouse ahead of the wedding night on how you would like to prevent pregnancy, unless you plan on starting a family right away.
Take a Few Minutes to Calm Down
If you’re feeling pretty nervous about the wedding night, do a few de-stressing activities to calm down. Light some candles, have a glass of wine, do some yoga, or snuggle on the couch and watch a movie with your new spouse.
There’s no rush. You don’t have to cross the threshold into your hotel room and immediately pounce on each other—unless you want to! You have all night, so it’s fine to take it slow. You can take your time to get to the main event.
It’s Perfectly Fine to Not Have Sex On Your Wedding Night
Yeah, we said it. Listen, you’re probably going to be tired as a dog on the night of your wedding. You’ve probably been up since the crack of dawn, primping and making last-minute arrangements. You’ve also been working hard to plan this wedding for the last year (or more), so it’s completely understandable if you don’t want to seal the deal on your wedding night.
In fact, according to an article on Women’s Health Magazine, 52 percent of couples said in a survey that they didn’t have sex on their wedding night. Most of them were either too tired, too drunk, or they wanted to keep the party going with their friends.
The great thing about sex is that it has no expiration date. It will be just as good the day after the wedding!
Well, hive, the time has come for me to bid the ‘Bee goodbye. I wanted to put down a few final thoughts as I wrap up my last days as a blogger.
#blessed | Photo by RRG Wedding
Are you changing your name? Yes. Anyone else out there currently have a surname that can also be a FIRST name? Do people with whom you have worked for years sometimes accidentally call you by it?
The Tuesday after our wedding, Ben and I had left the frigid Midwest behind and were more than ready to board our cruise ship in Long Beach, California. Our itinerary was as follows: stop in Ensenada, Mexico on the way out, spend four nights at sea, have a day each in Oahu, Maui, Kauai, and the Big Island, and then head back to California over the next five nights. The height of
overconsumption relaxation! The whole two weeks were glorious, but here’s a quick rundown of particularly notable moments.
ENSENADA: We did a wine tasting excursion in the morning (amazing and cheap), and hit up a local place known for their ceviche in the afternoon. So delicious.
Before we figured out how to turn off Ben’s weird face-tune filter
After our fun exit, we scrambled into a Town Car that we had reserved for the 10-minute drive to the hotel (LOL). We arrived and immediately laid into the champagne in our room, a delightful surprise courtesy of the Drake (and welcome, as we had each had maybe two drinks total at the reception). This was such a nice way to decompress together, and something about which we had been very intentional when we planned not to attend any sort of after-party.
The next morning, we got up, gathered our things, and made it to 8:00 AM mass (!) as it was Sunday and we are crazy Catholics. Then we headed to the Majestic where we were hosting our farewell brunch. My parents and sister helped us set up the delivery from Panera Bread, and we spent the next two hours chatting with our friends and family before everyone headed to the airport. This was a really nice way to thank our out-of-town guests for coming.
Of course, the thanking had really just begun. We had tried to keep up with writing our thank you cards as we received gifts, but even so, we had a pretty substantial list to tackle after the wedding.
I’ve gotten to the point where nothing planning related feels as good as checking something off my list. And I just knocked off a big (at least for me) one—I nailed down my bridal accessories.
If you read my post on accessories from a while back, you know I was seriously waffling about what to get. But at this point, I’ve got it nailed down…and I’m thrilled with the final look.
I ended up deciding to mix gold with pearls on my accessories—and even though the actual rings are silver (remember how pretty they are?!?) I think it’ll work. Of course, I don’t have a picture of my final “bridal look” on me…but as a refresher, here’s what I’m doing.
Hair: I fell in love with a couple of hundred-plus-buck hair combs at BHLDN, but given that my day-to-day look is a ponytail, I couldn’t justify the expense. Enter Etsy, and BridalShopCollection, a local (to me) vendor who does beautiful, affordable combs—and she’s QUICK with custom work, too.
I love the mixture of pearls and rhinestones, and it really pops against my hair color. It’s about five inches long and SO delicate. | Image via BridalShopCollection
I loved a lot in the shop, but I only wanted one longer, asymmetrical comb, so we worked on a custom piece that I’m obsessed with.
All photos by the wonderful Robert Gigliotti, unless otherwise specified!
Action shot of joking about how awkward this is
Good afternoon, hive! Are you ready for some more gorgeous bridal bouquet inspo? Today, we’re sharing all the lovely single-flower bouquets you submitted, featuring peonies and roses. To learn more about this series, you can check out the first post here. And to submit your own bouquet, head here, or scroll to the bottom of this post.
Sometimes a single flowers repeated throughout makes for the loveliest of bouquets—check out these real bridal bouquets from the hive for proof that the simple things in life are sometimes the best.
Single Flower Bridal Bouquets (submit your bouquet here)
ladyvictoria‘s white rose bouquet
Color/Flowers: white roses
DIY or professional? professional
Got a burning question or dilemma that you’d love more opinions/advice on, but maybe don’t want to attach your name to? Whether it’s sex, in-laws, friends, spouse, money, kids, fights, etc., submit your dilemma anonymously. Current and past brides will weigh in with their take on your dilemma, and we’ll leave the comments open so the hive can weigh in as well!
To submit your Anonymous Dilemma, go to this form, fill it out, and hit submit.
I was in a LDR for about a year with my partner. About eight months in, we got engaged. By the time we were at our 11th month together, I relocated and started a new job to be closer to him. First, I moved into his apartment, but within a month, we were in our first house purchased together. All this to say that everything has been going very fast, but it was okay because I wanted all of this and I chose to go ahead with all of this.
We have now been living together for a little over two months, and I have noticed that we have been arguing quite a bit (huge arguments about every two weeks). I feel like most of our arguments stem from insecurities. This happened a few times when we were in an LDR, but I thought it was being apart that was causing his mind to go a bit wild. In fact, that is what he told me. So now that we are living together I am a bit surprised and disappointed that it seems like it will be going on for a while.
All photos by the wonderful Robert Gigliotti!
As our salad course was served, our DJ, Rachel, called for our maid-of-honor and best-man speeches. I knew my sister was nervous as she had never done one of these before, but she nailed it—her speech was a perfect mix of humor and touching sentiment, and just the right length.
Note that it was written on a cocktail napkin. From OUR cocktail hour.
Then the best man spoke. His speech is a memory that will live on, as his “funny anecdote” was an amazing story about Benjamin trying to “reinvent himself” in college freshman year. The two of them went to both high school and university together, and when it came to his attention that Ben had been trying to drop his diminutive nickname and go by something more “manly,” the best man just about died. Naturally, Ben’s attempts were thwarted after that, and he was to remain nicknamed for life. Our guests exploded with (not unkind) laughter upon this reveal and to Ben’s credit, he took it all very graciously.
So we’re having a semi-destination wedding—far from home for me, but someplace comfortable, easy, and familiar. After all, I grew up in Chicago, and I know full well that I can pick up any last-minute extras there.
As my dad always says…you’re not going to Siberia.*
But I’m always one to be hyper-prepared, because it helps keep my anxiety in check. And a big part of being prepared is keeping lists. I’ve got two different packing lists (one for Chicago, one for the honeymoon), a list of stuff to take care of on our trip to Chicago next weekend (where hopefully I meet the lovely Mrs. Sixpence for a beer), and then there’s the big list: things to do before leaving.
With a month until I fly to Chicago, there’s a lot to get done. Here’s what I’m looking at: