Weddingbee

Dear Weddingbee:

Our wedding date is August 11th.  We originally wanted a wedding with only 100 guests and picked our site based on that number.  We thought that we could easily invite 120 guests and expect 20% or so not to show; unfortunately, as things tend to go, my mother added immediate family members from her side of the family that she conveniently did not say we needed to invite but who were obviously offended, my fiance’s mother added a friend, etc. until our guestlist expanded to 148 guests (including ourselves, the photographer, and his assistant).  I am not narcissistic enough to think that everyone is coming because of us–unfortunately, we’re in the SF Bay Area, where people have relatives and like to make a trip of for personal reasons; many of my parents’ friends who we thought would not make it are coming.

I’ve been getting an early start on the headcount because of course, people state they are bringing guests when “& Guest” was NOT even on their invitation and then there are other cousins we didn’t invite trying to invite themselves to our wedding; I’ve told them no but stated that I have a waitlist open.

We are having an intimate 80-90 person wedding in two months. The invitations were mailed last week. Because of our desire to keep the event small-ish and the size of our reception location, we did not include “& guest” invitations, and only invited husbands & wives / extremely long term significant others.

Last night we received a phone call from FI’s uncle, requesting if his 23-year-old daughter’s boyfriend (of six months) could come. See, said uncle is viewing the wedding as a family reunion (as we had previously agreed to toast to FI’s grandparent’s 65th-wedding anniversary at the rehearsal dinner). He said that this would be a good opportunity for the family to meet the new boyfriend and “we should at least invite him to the rehearsal dinner.”

I’m completely torn … angry and feeling very imposed upon, wanting to stand my ground since we’ve had such a hard time with the wedding thus far, but also hesitant to be termed “the bit&#%%”.

HELP! (And, just to give you an idea of how out of control this has gotten … our rehearsal dinner invitation list is already 60 people due to the fact that FI’s mother is inviting everyone to celebrate her parent’s anniversary)

Emily

Dear Weddingbee:

I just got engaged 2 weeks ago.  We told my parents that weekend and they are ecstatic. My mom and I already started planning for a wedding we said would occur late next summer.
 
The FI’s parents are a slightly different story.  As immigrants that aren’t fully assimilated into the American culture, they were never ecstatic that he was dating a girl that wasn’t the same ethnicity as him (even though we are both East Asian.)  The FI has been dropping hints that he’s getting married, as he hasn’t been able to tell them fully yet, but the vibe he got back was “not now.”  After suggesting that he was thinking of getting married next summer, his mother stated that it was too soon and she would prefer that we delay it until 2009 so that she can “get to know me” better; even though there hasn’t been much of an attempt the last few years and she’s grown accustomed to her only son dating someone outside of their ethnicity.

Hey guys…I have something I need help with.

My dress is light champagne with darker champagne accents. Mr. Corn and the male attendants already have their tuxes because they purchased them for his brother’s wedding. Their shirts are white.

My mother has suggested that they should rent shirts in candlelight because if the shirts are white and my dress is champagne, my dress will potentially look dirty.

Has anyone ever heard of this? Is it really THAT big of a deal? It seems silly for them to have to rent shirts since they all already own the tuxes, but I also don’t want to be wishing I had once the photos come back. Your comments and feedback on this are greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Miss Corn

We had engagement pictures done at the beginning of May, and I just received my prints yesterday that I ordered. There were several things that occured during our experience with the photographer that I am becoming increasingly upset about - and I’m wondering if anyone has any advice on whether or not I should say something to her, complain, write a letter, etc.

1. I chose this photographer based on a kiosk in the mall. I really liked what I saw and picked up the brochure that was there. In the brochure, it stated that if you spent between $0-$250 on ordered prints, you could buy the “proofs” for $49. There was a $100 “creation fee”/sitting fee. So, going into this, I figured, okay, we’ll just buy the proofs and this will cost us $150 total. Well, we went in to see our proofs, and told her we were basically just interested in buying those. Well, IN FRONT OF US, she grabbed the brochure and crossed out the $0, then told us we would have to spend $250 in order to even BUY our proofs FOR $49! We were totally thrown for a loop and ended up walking out of there not even ordering anything. After some prodding, she printed out a thumbnail print of each photo that I took home to order from later (even that was like she was going out of her way).

Hi,

My sister and I got married a few months apart but had very different weddings. I got married in a hotel ballroom in New York while she got married in Asia. I planned my whole wedding while she had to rely on others for advice and planning. Recently, she confided in me that she was unhappy with our mother’s lack of interest and participation through her wedding process and on her wedding day. My experience was different because I had complete control of my wedding and I delegated tasks to everyone in the wedding party. My sister, however, felt like she needed guidance because she wasn’t familiar with wedding traditions in Asia and our mother simply did not step up to help her even after she asked.

A good friend of mine got married last year and I noticed that her mother stayed behind the scenes. What are the duties or what kind of expectations do brides have of their mothers? How involved were your mothers? I usually hear stories of brides complaining about their mothers or their in laws getting too involved and not the other way around.

A

Suzi asks:

My father insists on walking me down the aisle, but refuses to have a father-daughter dance. I don’t want him to participate in a tradition I find outdated nor want (him giving me away) but not participate in a tradition that I’ve looked forward to since I’ve gotten engaged.

Would it be wrong of me to ask that he dance with me at my wedding AND walk me down the aisle or ask that he do neither?

Amy asks:

How do I tell a very close friend who expects to be a bridesmaid that she will not be part of my wedding party? Or is it just wrong to ask someone who I’m not as “close” with, but I think will do a much much better job as a bridesmaid instead? The basis of my decision is b/c I work a ridiculous amount of hours and need my entire wedding party to lend a helpful hand.

CNN posted an article a few days ago discussing the drop in divorces (which peaked in 1981; personally, I blame Dallas). Very interesting stuff, as experts are arguing over the possible causes–and whether this is even good news.

From the article:

“Some experts say relationships are as unstable as ever — and divorces are down primarily because more couples live together without marrying.

Other researchers have documented what they call “the divorce divide,” contending that divorce rates are indeed falling substantively among college-educated couples but not among less-affluent, less-educated couples.”

Some statistics from the piece:

“The number of couples who live together without marrying has increased tenfold since 1960; the marriage rate has dropped by nearly 30 percent in past 25 years; and Americans are waiting about five years longer to marry than they did in 1970.”

Our venue requires liability insurance from our vendors. Is this standard for most places? Our event coordinator says it is. If anyone has gone through this process I’d really appreciate some suggestions/advice. Do most vendors carry liability insurance?

WP

Everyone likes a juicy bit of gossip now and then, and I’m no exception. I just usually prefer when it’s someone else’s gossip. But I guess my number is up, because I’ve got a doozy of a drama on my hands.

I have a friend whom I’ve known for a few years. We only became somewhat close in the past year, though we were friendly acquaintances for some time before that. During the past several months though, it became pretty clear pretty quickly that this was the sort of friendship that would require some effort. It was one of those one-sided, very frustrating relationships. She was flaky, inconsiderate, selfish, and generally unavailable. Half the invitations I extended were flat out refused; the other half she cancelled on last minute. Acts of unbelievable rudeness were committed towards myself and some mutual friends, people who made a real effort to include her socially.

When the rest of these mutual friends decided they’d had enough, I stuck around. What can I say? She made me laugh, and when you could finally pin her down, she was a blast to be around. At one point, we had a heart-to-heart in which I told her how frustrating she was, how much everyone enjoyed her company but couldn’t deal with her self-centeredness. She thanked me for my honesty and we embarked on v. 2.0 of our friendship.