Last week I said I’d recap Mr. Sword’s bachelor/stag party, but it’s going to be a bit difficult because HE FORGOT TO TAKE PICTURES. Clearly, he’s not meant to be a blogger like myself.
Mr. Sword had quite the weekend though! I guess they drank at their rented home away from home, drank at the local bars, went on a whiskey tour, sang karaoke, and the cops only showed up once. Success!! 
I did manage to steal one photo from Facebook, and luckily, it’s a tame one. This was taken at a Whiskey distillery in Keith, Scotland. The story goes that not everyone was feeling well enough to go on the tour the next morning. Hehe.
Mr. Sword and friends/ photo by Best Man Doc
And keeping with my theme, here are some Stag Do(s) and Don’ts!
STAG DO
DO rent a chalet (house) in the middle of nowhere to ensure one rockin’ good time.
In lieu of a photo, I have this quote from one of our groomsmen: “Turns out a stag in the middle of nowhere with little planned is absolute carnage. Ruined.”
Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, there was a running joke that the men of the wedding party would be heading to Vegas the day before the wedding, and they would return the day of. In the process, they would lose one member of their crew (amongst other hijinks), but ultimately make it back looking like hot messes for the wedding.
That’s right—they basically planned to live out the plot of The Hangover. Now…I wasn’t against the whole Vegas trip in theory. The problem was twofold: one, how can Mr. Otter get that much vacation (he can’t!) and two: we are helping pay for this wedding, so spending that much money on a trip was probably not the best idea. But OK, whatever, I went along with it (mostly).
Then one day, the groom made a grave error.
OK, so I have a confession to make: I am most certainly, without a doubt one of the most easily stressed people out there. One thing that makes the top of the “things that stress me out” (and therefore should be avoided) list is not having control over my situations and surroundings. Yes, in my opinion, it is a general character flaw; no, I’m sorry, I cannot control it. Those close to me are used to it, and it only creeps up and bites me in the butt every so often. But jeez, I’m planning a wedding here!! And since there are not 72 hours in a day, and I can’t magically create things (although, my fellow brides will agree, that would make things SO.MUCH.EASIER.), I am finding myself having to relinquish control over more and more things as the planning progresses.
Sadly, this post is not about the fact that I have to relinquish venue-cleaning control to my mother in exchange for leaving for our honeymoon (yes, this stresses me out to a near-crazy extent). This post is instead about something that, while there are varying viewpoints on, I feel that sometimes the viewpoint I have is criticized, and I think it is important to address.
And the topic at hand, my friends, is bachelor parties.
By the Thursday afternoon in our three-day pre-wedding crunch, things in Funnel Cake land were starting to pick up. Though we both had Polterabends with our Swiss friends at home, we had reserved some time in Columbus for casual mini bachelor/bachelorette dinners. I would be going out to dinner with my two sisters, sisters-in-law, and BFF MOH, while Mr. Funnel Cake was going out with his brother/BM, some of my brothers, and some of my local guy friends.
We got ready for our respective outings and, before you know it, my brother and Mr. Funnel Cake were off to pick BIL FC up from the airport. I was so excited to spend time with my sisters and endeared that my brothers and male friends were going to spend some time getting to know Mr. Funnel Cake and his brother.
(Brush by Sephora, Cream by Skincode, Swiss bag by Skincode, Beauty set from Benefit, and canvas bag designed by me and printed by Vistaprint)
Before heading out for the evening, I had quickly put together some makeup and skincare goodies in these custom (KH)² bags for my bridesmaids (free with a Vistaprint coupon!). I also couldn’t help putting together something in the Skincode bags for my SIL and sister who were helping out in the service at church. I brought half of the gifts with me from Switzerland and the other half I had ordered from Sephora, so it took a bit of time to mix and match everything properly before meeting the girls for dinner.
At Barcelona we enjoyed some delicious tapas and sangria, and after a long dinner each girl shared a story or anecdote about how they knew me. It was incredibly sweet and I was so happy to have spent time with my ladies!
Mr. Kettle always wanted a joint bachelor/bachelorette party, so our maids of honor and best men made it happen. I will tell you now that there were no photos taken by me. I know our friends like to party, and I didn’t want any evidence of anything left around afterward.
The men’s night started with all the guys meeting at my apartment and getting whisked away in a stretch SUV to a strip club of the best man’s choosing. From what I heard, they had a lot of fun. Hardly anyone did anything that they’re ladies would resent. And the ones that did had ladies that set the limits a little too strictly. ‘Nuff said, moving on.
The women’s night started with all the gals meeting downtown at what was supposed to be a male revue. But the club owners sold the club a couple days before the event and so there was no revue. We thanked our lucky stars we didn’t purchase advance tickets and went to a bar down the street. We danced and laughed and had a good time. I played beer pong for the first time with a very handsome man who did an amazing job of walking the line of appropriate behavior toward the bride at a bachelorette party.
We were all supposed to meet up at Sound Bar. I’ll skip the drama that ensued and focus on those of us inside the party. The maids of honor/best men got bottle service. My mother also got bottle service, so we ended up with several bottles for everyone to share.
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At one point I wrote a pity-party post about not getting a bachelorette, even though I didn’t want to walk around town at night wearing a penis necklace.
Well, that all changed! My girls treated me to a lovely day just a few days before the wedding that was just right for me. It was the Wednesday before our Saturday wedding, and the day started with all of us driving to my coworker R’s house so I could try on my dress after the alterations! When I ordered the dress I was exactly between waist sizes (the only measurement that would affect my dress—the hips were free and even the smallest bust size available would need taking in), and I went with the larger size because it’s easier to take in than let out. It meant that the whole dress ended up being pretty big on me. Could I have gone with one size smaller? Probably, but I’m glad I didn’t risk it, especially when I have many friends who sew for a living. 
The dress was perfect, apart from the bust still being a little big. R said she’d sew a different pair of cups in to the top and drop it off at my house later that day. Awesome!
Mr. High Wire sent me this link the other day. If you don’t feel like clicking over to read, or want to read it later, here is my (biased) review:
A bride e-mails the best man to provide guidelines and rules for her soon-to-be husband’s bachelor party. One rule is that the party may only be a one night/day event. She suggests he plans nothing out of town because she doesn’t want her fiancé traveling without her. She says it makes her sad when he gets to explore a new place and she doesn’t get to go. She proposes that instead of spending a bunch of money on a bachelor party, they buy the couple some Kate Spade dinner plates since they are her fiancé’s favorite (yeah, sure they are) and the couple feels guilty registering for something so expensive. She would rather her fiancé’s friends pick up the tab for the plates instead of their other guests.
Maybe these are the Kate Spade Plates he loves?
(from Bed, Bath, and Beyond)
When it came time to plan Mr. Starfish’s bachelor party, he wanted it to be a fun weekend with the guys. He doesn’t get a lot of time off from work, so when it came time to plan a bachelor party, he asked his Best Man, BIL Starfish, to turn their annual Saco trip into his bachelor party.
So, what is the annual Saco Trip? Well, a while back, Brother Starfish and his friends planned a weekend trip on the Saco River in New Hampshire. They went canoeing and camping and did outdoorsy things. Every year they repeat the trip—with just guys only. When Sister Starfish started dating BIL Starfish, he was included in the trip, so Mr. Starfish started going as well. It’s become an annual weekend for the guys, and Mr. Starfish didn’t want to miss it, so he combined his bachelor party with the annual Saco Trip.
Here are a few images from the weekend:
BIL Starfish is quite the planner. Every year they have some odd boat that someone goes on, and this year he got Mr. Starfish a giant rubber ducky.
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Everyone’s seen it…almost every movie involving a bachelor party also involves a stripper. But honestly, how many real life bachelor parties do you know of that involve strippers? I can’t think of any.
That leads to the question: How many bachelors actually want a stripper at their bachelor parties? I know Mr. Plaid doesn’t. And he’s not just saying that. Most of my other guy friends feel the same way. They’d rather spend their “last free night as a single man” hanging out with their buddies, drinking, gaming, and shooting the shit. They definitely don’t want to spend it getting lap dances.
That’s not to say that there aren’t guys out there that would very much enjoy a lap dance or ten at their bachelor parties. I guess I just don’t understand it. What’s the point? What’s the thrill? I’m just at a loss.
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A few months before the wedding I had the best bachelorette party I could have ever asked for. So when Mr. Cloud’s Best Man started making plans for his bachelor party I was really excited for him to have a great experience, too! I did lay down some rules though when it came to their planning. No, no, it’s not what you are thinking! I trust Mr. Cloud to use good judgment if he were to end up in any compromising situations (such as those that might include ladies being paid to take their clothes off). I did not, however, trust him or his boys to not bring me home a very drunken groom! I also wanted to be sure my cousins, who grew up more like brothers to me, were also able to attend. So my “rules” were simple: the party was NOT to be held the night before the wedding, but it must be held at a time that would make it possible for ALL the guys in our life to attend if they wanted. Not too bad, right?
The Thursday before the wedding the boys were set for some fun. I never expected to see pictures, but Facebook came through and I present you with a small glimpse into Mr. Cloud’s last night of freedom!
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I’m putting this out for the world: I’m uncomfortable with the concept of bachelor parties.
The tendency toward debauchery as a final send-off before marriage signals one thing to me: that marriage is a dead-end for sex and fun. If someone has to “live it up” before he gets married, why the f is he getting married?
Here’s a particularly salient quote from theplunge.com on the bachelor party:
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You read that right. No bachelor party for Mr. Fro Yo. Now, before you think I’m some psycho bride that isn’t allowing him this right of passage, hear me out. It’s not because of me. In fact, I’ve encouraged him to put something together with his friends and even offered to leave for the weekend so they could all get together at our house. I’ve also suggested that he go to Dallas and meet up with his friends. I even reminded him that bachelor parties don’t have to be full of debauchery, they can simply be a time for some male bonding.
I suggested baseball games, golf, and video games. It doesn’t matter.
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I obviously can’t speak for couples worldwide, only the couples I know. But I’ve noticed this peculiar difference between men’s and women’s bachelorette parties and I’m wondering if you all have noticed the same.
Mr. Penguin and I had similar, yet very different bachelor/bachelorette parties. While we went on two different weekends, we both went to Las Vegas. Vegas is a natural choice for Californians; transportation from the airport is easy (and if you use the shuttles, very cheap), people from LA can drive, and flights from Nor Cal are pretty reasonable. This is exactly why I personally chose Vegas. For Mr. Peng, and his many friends that hold their bachelor parties in Vegas, this is not the case. They choose Vegas because it is an adult male playground, with anything they’d want at their fingertips… luxurious suites, great steak houses, and strip clubs.
I was talking to Mr. Peng last night about how peculiar it is that there is this huge disparity in the attitudes of brides in our social circle about their bachelorette parties vs. the attitudes of the men and their parties.
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Everyone knows about the stereotype of the crazy, controlling bride who dictates what her husband-to-be and best buds can and can’t do for his bachelor party. Apparently, even though our groomsmen know nothing else about wedding planning or traditions, even they know about this stereotype (either that, or they just think I’m nuts, which is also possible).
As it turns out, Mr. Star’s guys have been planning his bachelor party for some time now and Mr. Star told me the other day how humorous he found it that they were all taking such pains to keep any and every detail from my knowledge.
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***Warning: If you are offended by photos of dead fish, please proceed no further***
‘Now wait a gosh darn minute,’ you may be thinking to yourself. ‘We’ve talked all about what the girls were doing the morning of the wedding. Where on earth were the guys?’ Well, wonder no more my friends, because pictures have surfaced of the elusive boys’ time on the morning of the wedding. And I am here to share them all with you. So where were the boys? On a boat. Fishing, smoking cigars, and drinking scotch. Yep, nothing says “it’s 8:30 in the morning” like scotch and cigars. Let me explain. My dad, ever the host, felt the need to arrange some sort of entertainment for interested peeps on the morning of the wedding. So, he chartered a boat and took Mr. Powder Puff, two groomsmen, my brother, and Sister Powder Puff’s boyfriend out on a fishing adventure.
A beautiful Michigan morning.
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