Weddingbee Blog

The Seven Principles of a Highly Effective Marriage
By: John Gottman

Well, I have the last recap for our first Weddingbee book club book. For those of you that haven’t read the book or any of the posts so far, you can catch up by reading Part I or Part II.

Chapter 8: Principle 5: Solve Your Solvable Problems

In this chapter, Gottman discusses how to resolve conflict in a loving relationship. There are 5 steps.

1. Soften Your Startup
2. Learn to make and receive repair attempts
3. Soothe yourself and each other
4. Compromise
5. Be tolerant of each other’s faults

Basically this principle comes down to giving your partner the same respect that you give others in your life. If you have the book, Gottman gives examples of exercises you can do to work on each of the steps.
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The Seven Principles of a Highly Effective Marriage
By: John Gottman
Part I

I really loved reading all of your responses and comments on the book so far. There were so many sweet stories from early in your relationships that are so fun to read now. I’m seriously jealous that Bear Cub has stayed in a tree house cabin, and just smiled reading all the romantic stories from the moment you just knew your SO was the one.

Continuing on with the book club, here is the next recap of the next few chapters in the book.

Chapter 5: Principle 3: Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away

This principle is basically about those little moments, subtle acts, and quick exchanges that show so much love and affection. These small moments are part of what Gottman says a happy marriage is made of because the couple is turning towards each other and are connecting. In an unhappy marriage, these moments and exchanges are rare.

Hollywood has dramatically distorted our notions of romance and what makes passion burn. Watching Humphrey Bogart gather teary-eyed Ingrid Bergman into his arms may make your heart pound, but real-life romance is fueled by a far more humdrum approach to staying connected. It is kept alive each time you let your spouse know he or she is valued during the grind of everyday life.

There are many moments where you can choose to turn toward each other or away. These moments add up to create an “emotional bank account” that can serve as a cushion or support when times get rough, you are dealing with conflict and stress, or are feeling distant. It helps to “maintain a positive sense of each other and [your] marriage even during hard times.”
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Alright, who did their reading for the first book of the Weddingbee book club? I did! And if you didn’t, that is okay because I am going to recap the best I can so that you can quickly catch up and join the discussion. I’ll try not to insert my personal opinion and experiences in here and save that for later on in the discussion. Before I get into the recap, I’ll explain what we are going to do.

This week I’ll write a 3-part series recapping various parts of the book. As usual, comment on the post, but also head to the book club discussion board. There, we can talk about things in a little more detail. You can also start your own threads and discuss areas of the book that stood out to you. After all, the best part of a book club is that each person takes away different snippets and ideas based on their own experiences and unique story.

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There are a little under 3 weeks left to participate in the first Weddingbee book club! Check out the details on this month’s book club here, and if you’d like to participate, purchase a copy of this month’s selection, The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work by John Gottman, which is available for purchase on Amazon for $10.17.

To participate in the discussion, please read this month’s selection by May 17th! I’ve been reading my copy and Mr. Penguin has snuck a few chapters, as well! We look forward to discussing the book with you!

Weddingbee focuses on all aspects of the wedding planning process, from the proposal to the honeymoon and everything in between.  But we’ve always wanted to place more emphasis on how to improve and maintain healthy relationships with our significant others, which is far more important than the actual wedding day.  So we’re very excited to announce the first ever Weddingbee Book Club, where we’ll read and discuss books on how to improve our relationships and marriages!

Here’s how it’s going to work: Each month a different Bee will host the book club by writing a synopsis of the chosen selection on the blog.  Then anyone can start threads under the new “Book Club” forums we’ll be creating, where all of us will discuss the book at length.

This month’s selection is The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work by John Gottman, which is available for purchase on Amazon for $10.17.  I’ve already purchased my copy!

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