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After BM Cuz’s wedding, it was time for me to take off my MOH hat and put it away. It was also my time to sit down and try to process all the things that I learned from her wedding day (before I forgot).
Image via Wiksten / Ring by elephantine on Etsy
Here are some lessons I took with me:
I spent the entire week before the wedding in Johnstown, trying to take care of all sorts of loose ends while Mr. Snow Cone stayed behind in Pittsburgh. More accurately, though, I wrung my hands, wondered how my to-do list would ever get accomplished, and took turns with Mr. Snow Cone having spaz attacks over the phone. To say that I was stressed would be a mild understatement; I was wide awake by 5:00 AM each and every morning, regardless of what time I went to bed the previous night. I was irritable, scatterbrained, and frazzled. It seemed like for every small task I checked off the to-do list, there would two newer, bigger, and badder tasks waiting for me, in addition to a list of questions I needed to answer for family and friends. And, on top of all of that, I was trying my darnedest to take every moment in, enjoy these special last days leading up to the wedding, and reflect on the gravity of the upcoming event.
Despite this unattractive state of affairs, though, I decided that I would work my tush off until my bridesmaids started to roll into town. At that point, all work of the glue stick variety would be done, and I would redirect my attention to work of the social variety. I’m proud to report that I finished my very last small project a whopping 90 seconds before BM E showed up on my front porch. Her arrival in many ways kicked off the wedding festivities; it seemed like after she made her way to Johnstown, our house was welcoming new faces every few minutes, with the anticipation and excitement continually mounting.
Unsurprisingly, the arrival I was most impatiently waiting for was Mr. Snow Cone’s (and, yes, I consider him a vital member of Team Bride). The entire week leading up to the wedding, when I had been doing my best to act like a lunatic, my mom’s calming mantra was always that I would feel better once Mr. Snow Cone arrived. And, boy, was she right. Once he got to Johnstown and we were there together on our wedding weekend, everything had reached a very pleasant status quo. He was there for me and I was there for him, even if neither of us needed or asked for any support. Having him there was all I could ever need.
I wanted to chat a little bit about the bridesmaids’-dress hunt with you, but then I realized that I never properly introduced you to my ladies or even told you how I asked them! You caught a glimpse of some of them way back in this post, but I figured it’s time we chat about them a little more. My bridal-party breakdown goes a little like this: two maids of honor (friends from high school) and four bridesmaids (two friends from college, two family members). Because we were having a long engagement, many people advised me to wait awhile before asking our bridal party. But the thing is, I’ve pretty much known since day one who I was going to ask. And now, with five months to go, I don’t regret asking any of them! With six bridesmaids I will admit that our party leans on the larger side. Having a large party makes me a little busier, but honestly I just feel lucky to have six wonderful ladies in my life who are always there for me. So how did I ask them? Well, I didn’t ask them all in the same way.
1.) First up was Mr. Coyote’s younger sister. Because we only live 10 minutes apart, I asked her in person. Easy peasy, right? Honestly, I was kind of nervous asking her. Even though the dude and I had been together for five years, she and I just aren’t that close. What if she said no?? Even though we get along great and have a lot in common, we just never got to that point where I would call her up on a Saturday night to grab drinks. But…the truth is, I’ve always wanted a sister and I am really excited that (26 years later) I’m finally getting one! And so, I plucked up the courage and asked her to be my bridesmaid. And whaddyaknow? She was just as excited as me and happily accepted!
(Personal photo) / Sis-to be, Mom-to-be, and me at our engagement party
I’ve talked before about being somewhat nontraditional in our wedding decisions, but I haven’t talked in depth about our most nontraditional decision.
We decided early on to not have bridesmaids or groomsmen. The decision was made after discussing a variety of issues that really made it difficult to have a wedding party. Instead we each picked a maid of honor and a best man, respectively, and left it at that.
Image via Teaser Trailer / Hilarious movie. Seriously. Even Mr. O was doubled over.
One of the major reasons that we went this route is because of another wedding. Mr. O’s oldest brother is getting married a month after us, and all of the brothers will be standing up with him. We thought that it might be too much to ask of the guys to do that twice in one month. When we broke the news to them, we got relieved responses. Less to buy, less to think about, and less to stress about for four guys who really don’t like the spotlight to begin with. One of Jon’s brothers said that he was excited that he would get to sit back and just enjoy the party. At the end of the day, that is what Mr. O and I really want for our guests…a chance to spend time with us and celebrate our marriage!
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Choosing our wedding party was a really easy decision for us. We both have one same-sex younger sibling and have decided to only have them standing next to us on our wedding day. Although we love our friends, our siblings are closest to us and have had the most opportunity to share with us as a couple. FBIL Boa will be his best man while Lil Boa will be my maid of honor.
This decision left me yearning for color-coordinated bridal-party pictures and the awesome wedding-party jumping photos I would miss out on.
Image via Mrs. Hyena on Weddingbee / Photo Danny Boy Photography
Based on my desire for these kinds of pictures and wanting to include our guests (which are 90% close family) more, we decided to do something a little unconventional. We will implement a wacky dress code; all guests will be asked to wear our wedding colors, shades of purple, green, and gray.
The prolific “black tie” weddings that we all see in movies like Wedding Crashers and Sex and the City 2, and on websites like WedLuxe have made me believe that black-tie weddings are pretty standard.
Sex and the City 2 / Image via IMDB
Then, I grew up and started going to actual real-life weddings. I’ve never been to a black-tie wedding. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding where the groom even wore a tuxedo. Now that I think of it, I’ve never been to a wedding where someone wasn’t wearing jeans. Yes: jeans at a wedding. In some places like NYC, black-tie weddings are the standard, and no one would bat an eye at someone placing those words on their reception card. Here: cowboys would read “black tie” and think, “Oh, I can wear my black jeans, black hat, and my black bolo tie.” Not exactly what I was thinking.
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I am absolutely in love with all things letterpress. Cards, gift tags, posters, save the dates, wedding invitations…I love it all. As I told you all previously, I wanted to purchase letterpress STDs, but my wallet just couldn’t take the hit. I had been doing a lot of research about letterpress, and even found a professor at the university I go to who taught me the basics of hand-setting type and showed me how to use a letterpress machine.
But alas, his press wasn’t set up to work with photopolymer plates and would cost me around $500 to outfit it with the necessary parts. So, I moved on to at-home DIY-style letterpress. Specifically, the L-Letterpress Tool by Lifestyle Crafts. I was really, really nervous that this wouldn’t work out. It seemed like all the reviews were either extremely positive or extremely negative. So…I took a chance and caved to the paper-lover’s voice inside of my head saying “Just do it…”
I purchased the kit from Amazon for a lot less than was advertised on the Lifestyle website. I also picked up some extra square cards and envelopes, and an extra six-inch Speedball brayer. I found this review of the L-letterpress by Boxcar Press awhile back, so I knew that I would need the extra supplies to make sure I used this tool to its full potential. The Amazon shipment took a little longer than I hoped, around 20 business days, but this is normal for shipments to Canada.
I really wanted to try this thing out before I spent another $200 on photopolymer plates and expensive cotton paper to make our invitations (and before I took a huge risk ruining the invitations). So I decided I would make a smaller photopolymer plate through the Boxcar Press platemaking service, and use this opportunity to make my “Will you be my bridesmaid?” crafts.
So all the bridesmaids had accepted…now what?
I was starting to think about bridesmaids’ dresses, but with all the inspiration and options out there, it was impossible to narrow down. I decided who better to ask for feedback than my bridesmaids themselves!
To get (honest, open) feedback, I decided to prepare an anonymous questionnaire via Survey Monkey. Judge away, but Survey Monkey was an amazing resource to me during business school—to choose team leads for projects, resolve team issues, and, most importantly, collect data.
Image via Survey Monkey
My goal was simple: see if there was any sort of consensus on color or style for the bridal-party attire (dress, shoes, accessories). Let’s face it, it’s rare for a bridesmaid to rewear a dress, no matter how thoughtful or stylish a bride is. By asking these women, my hope was that this was a step in the right direction in minimizing the chances of simply contributing a dress hanger to their spare closet.
So, here are the details of the survey. (If you’re nice and read to the end, you can even see the results.)
In the The Bees are Thankful For… post, I admitted to being thankful that tights are in style (among other things). I thank da lawd daily that tights are in style, because I like to wear dresses every day, whether it’s cold or not. That got me thinking about other things I’m glad to hop on the bandwagon for. Jeans tucked into boots—sooo practical when it’s wet out. Scarves—they keep me warm in the office on the daily. Headbands—my bangs can’t be trusted to behave very often. Sure, I could wear these things even if they weren’t in style, but would I? Would I even think to wear a scarf indoors if hipsters hadn’t proclaimed it cool? Probably not—you don’t see me wearing snowpantz to work, no matter how cold my legs get under that desk.
Image via Style Me Pretty / Photo by Arrow and Apple
I want these tights! All of them! At the same time!
Then I realized there were a number of wedding-related trends that are making my life easier as well. Paper flowers, for example. OK, they might not be making my life easier per se, but making my own flowers will save me a bundle. And I don’t have to worry too much about how weird it is to have paper flowers because, well, it’s not that weird anymore. In fact, they’re downright prolific in the wedding blogosphere.
I put off thinking about our bridal party for quite some time. Wedding blogs and the boards here have plenty stories of bridal-party drama, and while I didn’t expect any from the people I had in mind, I didn’t want to worry about that aspect of wedding planning at first.
Originally, I wrote down the names of people I felt obligated to ask along with the names of people I really wanted to be in my party. I wound up with seven or eight names…which felt way, way too large to me. I started to envision all of those people throughout different parts of the wedding day and realized that I didn’t want a cast of thousands. I wanted three people, from three different “parts” of my life.
One. Two. Three. / Photo by Miss Mink
I wanted my closest Charlottesville friend, who jokes that we are work spouses, as my matron of honor. I couldn’t imagine not having my sister-in-law with me. We’ve seen each other through so many different phases of life. I also wanted a good friend who I made through my biggest passion: music. We love seeing live music. We especially love seeing live music with her and her husband.
I look back at the first time I was a bridesmaid fondly. However, I cringe when I think about how much money I spent. I was just a graduate student, but spent as if I were comfortably installed in a lucrative career. (I was always headed toward a job in academia, so that was especially silly of me.)
I wasn’t really convinced that I would wear any of the bridesmaids’ dresses I’ve bought again. I held on to a couple, but they sat in my closet for years. I finally donated them to the Cinderella Project a few years ago.
When I started to think about my bridesmaids, I wondered whether they might have the cost of the role in mind. I came across this graphic from Mint a while back and posted it in the Weddingbee forums, but it’s so comprehensive that it’s worth posting again.
Check out the original on Mint.com’s blog.
…my bridesmaid?
There are a number of wonderful women in my life, both family and friends, who I wanted to be part of our wedding. However, with them spread up and down the East Coast, I didn’t want to simply make a phone call or wait until our next visit. Being a bridesmaid isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, so I wanted to illustrate how much I appreciated everything they would be doing as members of our wedding party…and show them how special they were to me!
I started by practicing my calligraphy on the shiny envelopes.
It looks better when you can see the full name!
Inside each card, I wrote a special note to each of them, outlining why our friendship was so special.
If you’re a dog person, you probably understand why some couples have their dogs in their weddings. The relationship between a dog and owner is about unconditional love, companionship, and dependability.
From Snippet & Ink / Photo by Joe Mikos Photographers
There was a time when I didn’t understand why people were so crazy for dogs. I thought the idea of having a dog in a wedding was downright strange. When Junior Mink came into my life four years ago, everything changed. Part of me wanted him in our wedding, but part of me worried about having him there.
I knew from the start that I wanted to ask my girls to be my bridesmaids in a special kind of way, and what better way than to propose to them!! So I ran out and bought cute rings from Kohl’s, and then found these inexpensive ring boxes from Amazon.com.
Image via Amazon.com
But I wanted to spice these babies up a little bit, so I bought ribbon and decided I would make a cute little bow for the front of the boxes. (Note: remaining pictures are personal photos.)
I love love love the bright pink bridesmaids’ dresses that my girls will be wearing, but I thought they could use a little something to add a touch more vintage flair to their style.
After a bit of the usual online browsing, I decided that gloves would be the perfect little something! Look at how cute and charming they are:
Image via PrettyChicky.com / Photo by Jonathan Canlas Photography
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