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Unfortunately, not all of our guests had arrived at that point, so a handful of people ended up getting there about five minutes into the ceremony. You can see some of them standing in the picture below.

When I found out that some of our friends had missed the beginning of our ceremony, I was crushed. And it all could have been avoided if I had just swallowed my pride, and waited until everyone had arrived.

So, I encourage each of you to put aside any quest you might have to be the-bride-who-will-start-on-time and be a bit more laid back about your start time. I’m not talking hours here, or even anything more than 10 minutes. But at least give all of your guests a fighting chance of getting to see the whole ceremony; because in the end, that’s what really matters.
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*Previously in this series…

I’m so glad I did this:
renting a full length mirror
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Once we’d finally settled on readings and such, we had to make sure that we had people to read them. Rather than obligating someone to make a trip they might not be able to afford, we waited until most of the RSVP’s were in to ask both our attending guests if they would do us the honor of being readers or ushers. Thankfully, they all happily agreed.

The what and the who taken care of, the next project was to tackle was the format. A Catholic ceremony is a pretty interactive service. Because many of our guests are not religious and many more are not Catholic, we felt that we needed to include as much as we could of the service in the program. For us that meant entire readings and prayers. Being relatively new to anything computer other than the internet, I now bow down before those of you (and I am sure that there are many) who have mastered all the little nifty little tricks of Word. I have not and so as punishment for being slow to catch up on the 21st century I spent four hours today doing numerous revisions of something that had already taken me a really long time to do. Ah, such is life.

In the end I figured it out. Mostly. I think. I have to say that I am rather proud. I hope that we’ve managed to infuse our service with our couple-ality. We’ve endeavored to keep it reverent and hopeful, both a prayer for our new life together as well as a prayer for something beyond us.

Do you have a theme in mind for your ceremony?
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I love words. When I was a little girl, my mother volunteered at my school library and worked part-time at a bookstore, so there were always books in our house. She would bring them home for me and I would hide out in my room and devour title after title. Whether it was Steinbeck or Sweet Valley High, my parents encouraged me to read it, because they felt that no matter the subject, it was good to be absorbing and learning things. So as I grew up, my love of literature continued to grow and expand. After high school, I went on to take a journalism/creative writing program in college and now, as a working adult, I can rarely leave a bookstore without a bag under my arm (recently we had to buy three new bookcases to accommodate my ever growing collection of titles.)

Anyway, when we started working on our ceremony with our officiant, we decided we wanted to include a couple of readings. We have found one that we like and have plans to include another, but so far I’ve been having trouble finding a second one that works for us.

So in light of our lack of words, I figured I would turn to one of the greatest wedding resources a girl could have - the lovely Weddingbee readership - and get ideas for something that might work to fill the gap in our ceremony.

What readings did you use or are you using for your wedding? Share your knowledge and help a girl out!
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Second, we wish for you the kind of home
that will be a sanctuary for you both,
A place of peace, freedom, vitality, growth, and humor.
And within this home,
we hope that you are blessed
with a healthy and happy family.

Finally, we wish that at the end of your lives
you will be able to look back
and smile upon the life that you have shared together,
pleased, satisfied, and fulfilled beyond your wildest dreams.

And now, by the power vested in me by the State of California
and the Universal Life Church,
it is my great pleasure to pronounce you husband and wife.

Mr. and Mrs. Hyphenated Cream Puff,
you may now kiss as husband and wife for the first time.
Mazel Tov!”

Snot! Cry!
I love it.

The prospect of writing our entire ceremony from scratch has been a serious stress factor for me. It stressed me out so much that I completely avoided it, other than buying the book. I haven’t even found ceremony musicians yet (um, yikes!).

Then the other day, my friend Amanda sent me an example of a ceremony online, and suddenly I got kind of excited. It was knottie goteamgo614’s bio, where she lists her entire ceremony wording. Part of her ceremony is a reading from the children’s book “I Like You,” by Sandol Stoddard Warburg. I have a copy of this little book, and as soon as I saw her wording, I knew we should read from the book, too. It’s totally silly, and it really fits our personalities. So thanks, goteamgo614! You inspired me to actually get cracking and write our ceremony!

We are almost done with it…I just need to add one more Jewish part to it (probably the seven blessings), and then I think we’ll be done. Here are the parts:

Welcome
Declaration of Support and explanation of the chuppah
Marriage Address
Reading (”I Like You,” read by the bride and groom)
Vows and Exchange of Rings (we’ll be writing these)
Final Blessings
Breaking of the Glass & First Kiss

YAY! For the first time, I actually feel like things are coming together.
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We can either seat guests on the deck or in front of the deck. I like the idea of having them on the deck because it gets them closer to the amazing view. However, the shape is funky. And where is the aisle? On the left? But then we have to snake around to get to the front. Or on the right? I suppose that could work if we have everyone seated on the left. The asymmetry is not making me happy.

The other option is having the guests sit in front of the deck. Then we can put an aisle where ever we want. It just feels like we are wasting the deck in that case.

What do you think?

Bonus question: Is anyone else planning to walk down the aisle with their future spouse?
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I purchased metal easels from a craft store to display this on the table. The table also helps block people from making their way into the reception area by accident. At my firm’s holiday party this past year, a caricature artist asked us what we’d like him to draw us doing, and ta - dah - getting married of course!

Now through the restaurant and to the ceremony, where do I go? Well I have some reserved seats labelled front and center for us. I prepared it so that it’d be an easy job for our friends helping us set up to wrap the labels around the seats.

Zots to secure the card to the ribbon, then zots on the back side with the paper stuck on it, so they can be easily removed and attached. I only reserved seats for immediate family, attendants that are part of the ceremony, and our flower girls’ parents because I didn’t want it to seem like there was assigned seating and be unfair to others that arrived early to get seats.

My programs are another heart and soul project. Again, my friend recreated these graphics for me and I just plopped them in powerpoint to print. I gotta say, proofread, proofread, uh, PROOFREAD. I wasted tons of ink and paper (which will shoot up our costs) because I’d do a large batch and realize I had a typo and it drove me bonkers bc I’m anal like that, and I’d have to redo it. But here they are …

I’m hamming out more details and will have more templates to share! You just wait.
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Five brides tell their long time boyfriends that they have won a free makeover weekend in Vegas. The true story? The makeover includes a gown and a whole heck of a lot of hairspray. When the grooms arrive at the “free Vegas show” included in the weekend they are taken to the stage where their girlfriends are in gowns and propose. The grooms have time to decide what they are going to do while they put on their tuxes. Dressed and back on stage either the groom gets hitched or faces the end of his relationship with an embarrassed bride. The show is way over the top, the bride proposes multiple times in every way the producers can imagine. Then the ceremony is two minutes before the next groom decides his fate.

Mr. Pineapple and I went to Las Vegas two months after he proposed. He was going for work (mostly) and I was going for fun. We tossed around the idea of eloping and we both seriously thought it was a good idea. When Mr. P thought it was a good idea, I didn’t. When I finally convinced myself it would be fantastic, he changed his mind. Our main motivation for considering elopement was to save money - down payment on a house, honeymoon in Ireland.

In the end we decided that in the future, when we actually had savings, we may regret not throwing a big party. Now that I am neck deep in wedding planning and completely obsessed with Weddingbee, I am so glad we decided to wait. Regardless, I definitely would not have asked Mr. P to elope before he even proposed.

What do you ladies think? Would you surprise your boyfriend with a wedding? Anyone planning to elope?

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For those of you who have never seen one or heard the word before, the chuppah (sometimes spelled as huppah) is a canopy traditionally used in Jewish weddings. It is made of a cloth or sheet - sometimes a tallit or “prayer shawl” - which is stretched over four poles to form a little house like structure, symbolizing the home the couple will build together. Usually, this structure is placed under an open sky and is carried to the ceremony site by attendants who may or may not hold the poles during the ceremony.

While there is further religious meaning to the chuppah in the Jewish faith, I was touched by the essential sweetness of the symbolism and sentiment behind it and wanted to incorporate something similar into our day.

So with Mr. Hum and his brother being expert craftsmen, they’ve begun working out plans to build our own little chuppah type structure out of bamboo, while a lovely clothing designer friend of ours, Ashley, has offered to help us screen-print some nice fabric that we can use as the canopy drape.

By doing things this way, while the structure can be broken down after the wedding is over, we can take the fabric home with us to keep as a keepsake, hang as a wallhanging or maybe even someday in the far distant future, turn into a blanket for our first child.

It’s probably a little bit unconventional of us to borrow this idea, but since weddings are all about uniting and sharing as one, we figured it would be a nice way to tip our hats to that.

What about you ladies? Are you doing anything unconventional when it comes to your wedding ceremony? What kind of ceremony ideas have you borrowed?

(Ceremony picture also courtesy of www.chuppah.com

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Premise: we’re having a secular ceremony, but I love the idea of performing a personally meaningful ritual - something to add an element of the sacred to our wedding, but that will still resonate specifically with both of us.

When we explained this to our officiant, she told us about a couple who built a ritual around the blending of chocolate and peanut butter. Seriously. We were incredulous, too, but she explained that it was a way for that particular couple to express the bond they were forming. She said something like that won’t work for people who find it silly and are only half-heartedly into it - but a couple with sincere intentions can inject meaning and gravity into any ritual they design. It’s a matter of being genuine about it.

Well, we were sold. And while it isn’t for everyone, I love the idea of bringing a slightly sensual element into the ceremony. Our officiant suggested another version - the chocolate and wine ritual. Chocolate would represent the sweetness of life, and wine, the bitter. An expression of a couple’s acceptance of the good and bad of marriage.

We loved it. Only, we switched it around, making it bitter, dark chocolate and a sweet red wine (both things we love). Enough background. Here’s the goods:

There will come in your life days of great sweetness, and days of bitter sorrow. There will be celebrations, and there will be tears. There will be triumphs, and there will be tragedies.Life holds indescribable happiness in store for you both - and unavoidable pain, as well.And so to symbolize your acceptance of this reality, today you will share the bitter and the sweet, just as you will share them in the years to come.Both of you, take and eat this bitter, dark chocolate. Taste in it the dark days which will rock your marriage and test its strength. It represents disappointment, illness, grief. Know that these hard times will come, and with them, the opportunity to deepen your bond as husband and wife.

Now, take and drink this sweet red wine.

Taste in it the sweetness and light that will fill your marriage with joy. Savor the fruits of this wine, just as you will savor every happiness that your beloved brings you. It represents shared laughter, your child’s first steps, your golden anniversary. Delight in it, as you will delight in your husband, your wife.

I know there are strong echos of the sacrament in there - it’s kind of unavoidable, when you’re taking and eating something while its symbolism is being described. But I really don’t think it’s in a bad way, like it’s some pagan perversion of … whatever.

Anyway, that’s how I managed to get candy and alcohol into our wedding ceremony. I also managed to get the phrase “lustral fire” into it…but that’s another story altogether.

Anyone else inventing a ritual for their ceremony?
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This is how our ceremony was structured:

- Gathering Words
- Charge for the Couple
- Reading 1
- Declaration of Support
- Reading 2
- Vows
- Prelude to Ring Exchange
- Ring Exchange
- Reading 3
- Reading 4
- Final Blessing

(The first reading was a selection from Ernest Hemingway’s A Farewell to Arms. A bit of an odd choice, I’ll admit, since the man has a rep for being a misogynist, but what can I say? I’m an English professor and I have a soft spot for Papa. Then my sister read Rafael Alberti’s poem “Sabes tanto de mi,” in Spanish. We also asked Mr. P’s stepfather to recite the Seven Blessings, and finally, my brother and his wife read the text of our ketubah. Only the Seven Blessing reading came from the book: I should clarify that we did have to look elsewhere for the other ones).

The book lists other possible readings though, and lots of other options to incorporate, such as opening prayers, remembrances, friendship circles, ways to involve children and many more. It really is invaluable.

I’d love to give away my copy to a happy bride. I made a couple of pencil marks in it, but I have erased them as dutifully as possible (I hope I didn’t miss one!), and the book is asking for a nice home where it can be of help. If you’re interested, just comment below and at the end of the day, I’ll ask Mr. Petunia to randomly pick the winning number!

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