Miss Boa Constrictor, Isabela, Puerto RicoAge and Occupation: 22, Undergraduate StudentFiance's Age and Occupation: 23, Soon-to-be Civil EngineerEngagement Date: May 19, 2011Wedding Date: May 2012Venue: El Faro Convention CenterAbout Me: I’m a Caribbean gal, born and bred on the beautiful island of Puerto Rico, finishing her last year as an undergrad. I describe myself as a “closet nerd” as I secretly enjoy reading research papers, playing video games, and geeking out on Lord of the Rings movie marathons. I will marry my college sweetheart, a soon-to-be civil engineer, who loves Legos and old-school Puerto Rican cooking. This is sure to be a fast-paced year with our wedding, honeymoon, college graduation, new jobs, and a cross-country move all within less than 30 days of each other!
Along with the invite design, Lil’ Boa worked on a card that would inform our guests about the dress code, the reception, the website and gifts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know what you’re thinking. Putting registry information on the invitation is rude and just plain wrong.
It wasn’t until I entered the wedding blogosphere that I learned this was an etiquette no-no. Even more of a no-no is asking for money on the invitation, which is exactly what we will be doing. I should explain that in my 22+ years of attending weddings (more than 30 so far) I have never NOT seen a request for money on a wedding invitation. Most of them had a message stating that gifts were not necessary but if the guest insists, the couple prefers to receive money.
Imagine my surprise when I learned some people could be offended by such a statement, to the extent of not attending the wedding! Further Internet research revealed that the “Don’t ask for money” rule is mainly part of American wedding etiquette. Wedding gifts in some European and Asian countries are expected to be monetary and in those cultures it is perfectly acceptable to state it on the invite. I guess you can add Puerto Rico to that list, since as far as I know, asking for money on the invitation is the norm.
On the other hand, if a bride ask for gifts from a registry, all hell will be upon her. Read more…
Miss Turkey, PhiladelphiaAge and Occupation: 29, Brand ManagementFiance's Age and Occupation: 28, ConsultantEngagement Date: February 2011Wedding Date: May 2012Venue: The Rittenhouse HotelAbout Me: I'm a marketer who loves a good glass of wine, anything pumpkin-flavored, every crime drama on TV and, of course, Mr. Turkey. It's funny to say out loud, but we're former coworkers turned betrothed---now planning a wedding in the city of Brotherly Love. For three years, we've been eating our way through Philadelphia, playing tourist at home, and cheering for every sports team in the 215. Although we've hit some unplanned snags along the way, we're determined to have a rocking party this spring with our loud, fun families and friends.
I don’t know about you all, but the guest list was probably the hardest part of planning our wedding thus far. Honestly, aside from that (well, and the venue change), wedding planning has been pretty fun. I couldn’t really understand why people found themselves so stressed.
Ha. And then HA again when I think about how I’ll probably feel in 3ish months.
Anyhow, back to the guest list. Today I’m going to talk about one particular issue we debated when making our list and checking it twice. That is, the issue of inviting people to your wedding after they’ve invited you to theirs.
I’ve mentioned we’ve attended a lot of weddings together. You might vaguely remember that I once posted about that and think, hmm…was it really that many?
A snapshot of some of the weddings we’ve attended together
Only 4 of these dresses featured have been re-worn (I have a problem)
In three years together, Mr. Turkey and I have attended 32 weddings. That means, if we invited each and every one of these couples, they would account for 64 of our 200ish guests. Read more…
Mrs. Mole, Los Angeles/Las VegasAge and Occupation: 29, Test Prep InstructorFiance's Age and Occupation: 31, User Experience ArchitectEngagement Date: April 2011Wedding Date: January 2012Venue: Wynn Las Vegas/Bouchon BistroAbout Me: I’m a Wisconsinite-turned-Angeleno who is planning a destination wedding in Las Vegas. I am passionate about education: I spent 23 (!) consecutive years in school, and now I work to help other people get into graduate programs. I love running on the treadmill, buying bath products from Lush, learning new moves in step aerobics, and exploring my neighborhood on foot. I am sometimes snobby about food, but I am rarely snobby about books. I read everything from Geoffrey Chaucer to Iris Murdoch to Chuck Klosterman to Candace Bushnell. My fiance and I are getting married on our third anniversary!
Mr. Mole and I are so excited about our upcoming wedding! It’s coming up pretty quickly now. We are also excited about the possibility of celebrating it with you. We really hope that you will be able to make it to our event. So, please, let us know if you can by sending in your RSVP.
I know that we probably made a mistake in having our celebration in Milwaukee the day before the Super Bowl - especially considering the fact that the Green Bay Packers are still in the playoffs. (GO PACK GO!) I imagine that some of you are thinking about attending the big game in person or, at the very least, going to a party where you can watch it on a huge television while eating nachos and seven-layer dip. However, I know that many of you don’t care about football at all. You don’t even care about the Packers. So, please, you guys, send in your RSVP.
You could probably send it in today! If you look at the upper right-hand side of the postcard, you will see that there’s already a 29 cent stamp there. You can just drop it in one of the blue USPS boxes on the street or leave it in your mailbox for the mailman! I just mailed a letter today, and I found it was a pretty fulfilling task. Read more…
Mrs. High Wire, DallasAge and Occupation: 23, Legal AssistantFiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Director of CommunicationsEngagement Date: October 9, 2010Wedding Date: September 2011Venue: Clark GardensAbout Me: My loves include yoga, anything spicy, our eccentric cat, our rambunctious dog, and Mr. High Wire, of course! Like the steadiness act of the tightrope walker, this gal is busy balancing life while planning a wedding to the man of her dreams. We’re hosting a laid-back, vintage-inspired, bird themed wedding with heavy doses of love, good eats (did someone say tacos and margaritas?), and endless Texas charm. Mr. High Wire and I are so happy to have you along for the walk across the tight rope.
Please pardon the pause in our wedding day recaps.
Hive, I’ve got to get this out in the open. I have been less than stellar in terms of our thank you notes lately.
Writing thank you notes was of utmost importance to me. If someone is going to go out of their way to spend money and give us a gift, they deserve our most sincere thanks. Bottom line. I can’t even express how disappointed I am in myself considering how poorly this situation has turned out.
We ordered a massive amount of thank you cards right at the beginning of planning, to make sure we always had some on hand for any gifts we received.
Things started off strong. For the gifts we got at our engagement party, I made sure that every single person got a thank you note immediately after the party. It was so exciting to get our first few wedding-related gifts, and it was so easy to get those few cards into the mail in no time. Done and done
Our Dallas area shower went off famously. My mom helped me make a really neatly detailed list of gifts, and again, thank you notes were out in the mail less than a week later. Read more…
Miss Hawk, Richmond, VAAge and Occupation: 26, FinanceFiance's Age and Occupation: 30, District SupervisorEngagement Date: March 13, 2011Wedding Date: May 2012Venue: The Chapel of the Sir Christopher Wren Building, 2007 Legacy HallAbout Me: I’m an Arizona-born girl who has spent the majority of my life living below the Mason-Dixon line. The South has definitely earned a special place in my heart (alongside my Virginia born and bred fiance, of course!). We are planning a traditional Christian ceremony at my alma mater in historic Williamsburg, Virginia, followed by a rocking reception filled with Southern cooking and vintage/shabby chic details. When we’re not wedding planning, we enjoy spending time with our three dogs, going for runs together, watching plenty of football (or baseball depending on the season), and sampling new wine.
Some people might say that having your family across the country is a “blessing in disguise,” but those people must not feel the same way I do about my parents because I think it S.U.C.K.S. Momma Hawk and I are extremely close and we talk nearly every day on the phone, but when you need your closest confidant to accompany you to venues, tastings, and general planning sessions, the phone doesn’t quite cut it. The same applies for arranging very important parties, like say your engagement party…
In the several years it has been since my parents and sister moved to California, they had never been able to make it out this way to visit. (So it was not like having them around was a regular occurrence.) I knew the exact week in August that Momma and Sis Hawk would be making the trek to Virginia, so we did the unthinkable. Mr. Hawk and I, along with Momma Hawk’s assistance, hosted our own engagement party…at our own home. (Gasp! The horror!) I know, I know. It’s frowned upon to host any get-together in your own honor, clap for yourself as you receive an award, or take a drink after someone is toasting you (I’ve paid attention, Mrs. Post), but planning our own party was what worked best for us.
Miss Dalmatian, Nashville, TNAge and Occupation: 23, Pediatric NurseFiance's Age and Occupation: 23, Computer Engineer and Entrepreneur Engagement Date: April 13, 2011Wedding Date: May 2012Venue: Historic CedarwoodAbout Me: I am a Northern girl from Chicago who is planning a wedding filled with Southern charm in Nashville, Tennessee. I love dogs, the White Sox, Full House reruns, and anything with ruffles on it. Mr. Dalmatian is my computer-genius problem-solving fiance who is constantly teaching me new things and making me a better person. We live with our adopted pup Echo, who is very excited that his parents are getting married!
A few weeks ago I emailed our photographer with a quick question about our engagement photos. This was not an urgent question (we are not taking our engagement pictures until March, mind you). I purposely sent the email in October, however, because I knew that our super adorable preggo photographer was due to have her twins in November, and I figured I would get my question out of the way before her life became exponentially more crazy (and cute!).
So, I sent my email at 3:13 p.m. She wrote me back at 11:04 the next morning. I read the first line of her response, which read “I’m so sorry for the delay in response.” I thought that this was very nice, although not necessary (read: it had literally not even been 24 hours). Then I continued to read her explanation and learned that she had had her babies and was still in the hospital! I immediately wrote back, expressing my congratulations and telling her not to worry about responding back to me.
Mrs. Raccoon, IndianapolisAge and Occupation: 22, StudentFiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Graduate StudentEngagement Date: Christmas 2010Wedding Date: January 2012Venue: Catholic Church, Chateau Thomas WineryAbout Me: I'm a wholesome Midwestern girl, TV series junkie, professional shower singer, and Anglophile. I love my fiance, crock pot cooking, my cat Heepo, going for the gusto, and all things wedding. Mr. Raccoon is pretty sweet, too! He’s a mad scientist that loves to travel. We met my first night on campus and have been inseparable since.
I thought this was a problem for us because many of our friends and acquaintances have not been around weddings much and therefore don’t know the rules. RULES! (Don’t you just feel like you’re going to get your knuckles smacked when something wedding related isn’t just right sometimes? ) More and more I see on the boards and blogs that this is an across-the board-problem.
As frustrating as the question can be, I guess I’m a little flattered that so many people either really like us or think our wedding is going to be a good enough time to want in on. I’m alright with both of those. But what do you say back when someone asks if they can come to your wedding? Sometimes I just want to smile awkwardly and then get angry with myself for not locating the nearest emergency exits when I entered the building. Read more…
Miss Doe, Northern CaliforniaAge and Occupation: 24, Real Estate AssistantFiance's Age and Occupation: 23, Recycling ManagerEngagement Date: December 25, 2010Wedding Date: May 2012Venue: Monte Verde InnAbout Me: I’m a Rat Pack fan and a Christmas nut that loves to read, good wine, cheesy ’80s movies and ’90s sitcoms. My wiener dog with an attitude problem and lazy basset hound are my constant source of entertainment. He's a hunter and I like cooking so it's not rare to see wild game on our dinner menu. Both of us were born and raised in a small historic farming town where our feet are still firmly planted. We have been together for nearly a decade and have shared many life experiences together, including birthdays that are only one day apart. We are two old souls that are creating our long-awaited wedding with loads of tradition that blends our two styles into rustic elegance in the foothills of Northern California.
Every wedding I have ever been to, there has been a money dance. For those of you who aren’t aware of what this is, basically your guests slip you some cash in order to dance with you until the next person comes along. While the idea is great because the couple can use the cash on their honeymoon, I have always secretly balked at this idea.
At the last wedding we were at, Mr. Buck and I completely forgot about the money dance. Neither of us had any cash on us. We only had our ATM cards, which of course did us no good. We awkwardly stood around while others were lining up to dance with the bride. Quite frankly, we felt really bad that we forgot to grab cash. (In our defense though, we did bring a pretty sweet gift.)
I made a bold proclamation to Mr. Buck that there will be NO money dance at our wedding. I had good reasoning to back this up, too. People already will be taking time to come to our wedding, possibly with a gift, and I do not want them to feel like they need to give us money to dance with me. I assumed Mr. Buck was on the same page as me…but apparently not. He completely disagreed with me and said that our guests will want to participate in the money dance.
Why do I feel like I am being pimped out by my fiance? Read more…
Miss Petit Four, San Antonio/Isla MujeresAge and Occupation: 25, Technology teacherFiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Math Teacher and Football CoachEngagement Date: Feb 13, 2010Wedding Date: March 2012Venue: Zama Beach Club, Isla Mujeres, MexicoAbout Me: I am a polka-dot obsessed, destination wedding diva living and loving in the great state of Texas. I am an island girl at heart and I visit the beach as often as I can. I am a wannabe DIY goddess, but that doesn’t mean I won’t give it my best shot. I love pearl earrings, the color pink, and ruffles are a part of my everyday wardrobe. My wonderful fiance and I are planning a destination wedding with our closest family and friends and we’re leaving a trail of glitter in our path!
One of the best things about this time in our lives is that more than likely, some of our friends are getting married, too. I had the pleasure of going to a friend’s wedding last weekend and had to struggle through the age old question of what to wear.
Miss Fox, Washington DC/Havre de Grace, MDAge and Occupation: 26, Massage TherapistFiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Field Support EngineerEngagement Date: April 18, 2010Wedding Date: June 2012Venue: Vandiver InnAbout Me: I’m a dancer turned massage therapist who was born and raised in New York. Alas, true love has brought me “south” where I still maintain my penchants for pretty shoes, wine, crossword puzzles, cherry blossoms, and the Mets. I own more sunglasses than a normal person should and don’t eat red meat (though I make up for it by eating my weight in sushi). I tend to be a big planner who likes to get things started early, but generally end up being indecisive and procrastinating when it comes down to it. I have a (not so) secret crush on Chris Carrabba, but my loyalty and love ultimately goes to the future hubs, of course! Together, my Foxy man and I love to discuss (read: debate) politics and current events, have Mario Kart and Scrabble duels, and just laugh. A lot. We’re hoping and planning for a laid back, fun, summery, rustic vibe to our June wedding that will be genuinely “us” – that is, if we finally make some decisions. Huzzah!
See, Foxy Mama has taken the initiative to email my bridesladies, namely my two maids of honor (more on that later) about starting to think about my bridal shower. Part of the reason for the advance thinking is simple: I have friends and family spread up and down the East Coast. Close friends and family. In my bridal party alone, one is on Long Island, two are in Philly, and two are in DC. Lord knows if they will ever actually all be together in one place before the wedding itself.
Miss Fox, Washington DC/Havre de Grace, MDAge and Occupation: 26, Massage TherapistFiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Field Support EngineerEngagement Date: April 18, 2010Wedding Date: June 2012Venue: Vandiver InnAbout Me: I’m a dancer turned massage therapist who was born and raised in New York. Alas, true love has brought me “south” where I still maintain my penchants for pretty shoes, wine, crossword puzzles, cherry blossoms, and the Mets. I own more sunglasses than a normal person should and don’t eat red meat (though I make up for it by eating my weight in sushi). I tend to be a big planner who likes to get things started early, but generally end up being indecisive and procrastinating when it comes down to it. I have a (not so) secret crush on Chris Carrabba, but my loyalty and love ultimately goes to the future hubs, of course! Together, my Foxy man and I love to discuss (read: debate) politics and current events, have Mario Kart and Scrabble duels, and just laugh. A lot. We’re hoping and planning for a laid back, fun, summery, rustic vibe to our June wedding that will be genuinely “us” – that is, if we finally make some decisions. Huzzah!
I kept writing and rewriting this post, and it kept saying something different every time.
What I really want to touch on is how this will be mine and Mr. Foxy’s wedding, nobody else’s. Not our parents’, not our friends’, not the critics on all those wedding resources out there’s.
Ours. And we’ll do what we want. And I will not care what other people think. (Must repeat this over and over.)
The problem is that all too often, I do care about what other people think. I want other people to love our wedding as much as I love it. However (and this has been a long time coming for me to accept), that is basically impossible. What I love, someone else will inevitably find “tacky.” What I think is cute and quaint (and budget friendly), someone else will find “cheap.” Different people have different opinions, and that’s that. My recent realization and kick-butt attitude is now “Foxy and I will do what we want to do, not what your etiquette book or magazine or online forum tells us to.”
Booya.
A little background so you get a feel for where I’m coming from:
Mrs. Parasol, San Ramon, CaliforniaAge and Occupation: 25, Non-profit writer, editor, and bloggerFiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Law school studentEngagement Date: December 19th, 2010Wedding Date: September 2011Venue: Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California) About Me: I am a California girl at heart. I love the outdoors, sunny days at the beach, and hiking in the woods and mountains. I also love good books and am fresh from completing my Master's degree in English and Comparative Literature in New York City. Living in NYC was an amazing experience, and while I'm glad to be back on the West Coast, I'm also thankful that my two years back East gave me an opportunity to explore new places, make new friends, and indulge my passion for Broadway shows. Oh, and I received a pretty awesome proposal from Mr. Parasol in Central Park. Above all else, Mr. Parasol is my biggest cheerleader and my best friend. But even though I'm thrilled to be marrying him, I wasn't always totally on board with this whole wedding thing and at first, I wanted to run off and elope. I've finally been convinced to throw the wedding I never thought I wanted, and so now I'm busy planning an intimate September wedding filled with DIY details. Along the way, I'm slowly learning to appreciate, perhaps even love the wedding planning process.
Now that wedding planning is in full swing for the Parasols, I have become aware of a plethora of wedding-etiquette rules that I never even knew existed. Of course I had a general idea of some of the more “common sense” ones (like don’t wear white to a wedding), but there are a lot of rules I didn’t know about, and quite a few of them don’t seem to make much sense to me. While I could elaborate on a variety of wedding-related etiquette rules, right now I want to focus on one in particular: registry information.
Mrs. Biscuit, Morgantown, WVAge and Occupation: 24, Dental StudentFiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Chemist at a pharmaceutical companyEngagement Date: April 2010Wedding Date: July 2011Venue: Catholic Church, Lakeview Golf Resort and SpaAbout Me: I'm an engineer who decided to trek back to my hometown three years ago to become skilled in the arts of drilling and filling. I'm engaged to a pretty awesome guy who tests your assorted benzodiazepines by day and home brews by night. Together we have two fur children, Tsali and Tobias N. Fünkat. I'm a lazy perfectionist and eternal sorority girl who enjoys running, crafting, string cheese, good beer, and bad reality TV. We are planning a Big Fat Italian/Sicilian/Polish wedding filled with DIY details and are expecting 300 +/- 50 guests. Our whimsical summer affair is themed "Alice attends the Mad Hatter Vintage Garden Tea Party in a Ballroom. She Thinks That The Venue is Odd for a Vintage Garden Party, but is Tripping on LSD, so She Doesn't Really Care." Yes, I am the Dickens of themes.
I’ll be the first to admit it: I’m not that great at thank you notes. As a child, we had a special Hallmark program to make cards on our computer and the most commonly used one had a turtle on it:
It’s not that I wasn’t grateful for my gifts. I guess I’m kind of a procrastinator. OK, that’s a lie. I’m the Procrastinator. I’ll formally claim my title—someday.
But I know wedding thank you’s are something I cannot put off. Read more…
Mrs. French Toast, Pleasanton, CAAge and Occupation: 29, Marketing & PRFiance's Age and Occupation: IT geek by day, self-proclaimed handyman by nightEngagement Date: October 2009Wedding Date: March 2011Venue: Palm Event CenterAbout Me: I’m a city girl at heart who moved to the suburbs a year ago. Now I’m adjusting to life with a front lawn, nosy neighbors, cooking attempts, and making sure the garbage pail is pulled out on time every week! When I’m not traveling, Mr. FT and I enjoy marathon sessions of Law & Order: SVU, snowboarding, photography, spoiling our 3-year old yorkie-poodle Mokka and disagreeing over what music to listen to in the car. We’re planning a small winery wedding while incorporating some cultural elements into the day as a nod to our Chinese backgrounds.
Mrs. French Toast reporting for duty while waiting for pro pics! Hope everyone has been well!
On Sunday, the French Toasts attended our very first wedding as a married couple. I was very excited to get all dolled up again and attend the wedding as a guest.
Justin wanted to come, but we were limited to two seats
It felt wonderful to be on the other side and witness the marriage as someone who recently tied the knot, because I’d get warm fuzzies when thinking about my own special day. During moments of the ceremony, Mr. French Toast would squeeze my hand as if to say, “That was us 3 months ago.”
Mrs. Seal, San FranciscoAge and Occupation: 25, Personal AssistantFiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Sales and Support SpecialistEngagement Date: December 12, 2009Wedding Date: November 2011Venue: Sts Peter and Paul Church/The Bently ReserveAbout Me: I am a goofy, wannabe crafty, well-intentioned Renaissance Woman (OK, perhaps "aimless wanderer" is a more aptly suited term for me, but hopefully you get the point)—basically I dabble in just about everything and pride myself in such. Without warning, I occasionally breakout into soulful improvised songs and interpretive dances and there's just no stopping me! As so many others before me, planning our wedding has unearthed a deep, intense passion for all things bridal and I secretly fear the day it will come to an end. Mr. Seal and I are quite the pair and life with him by my side is extremely rewarding—I am so thankful to have found him. Together we are planning a black-tie San Francisco affair for 250—light on the stuffiness and with lots of extra Seal-y flair.
I am a people-pleaser by nature. Knowing I’ve hurt someone’s feelings or let someone down are thoughts that way heavily on my conscience—it’s a bit of a curse. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that I value others’ feelings, but at the same time it’s pretty frustrating to have to regularly force myself to consider my feelings, too.
Planning a wedding has really encouraged me to reckon with my inherent need to please because, duh, it’s absolutely impossible to please everyone…particularly when planning a wedding. And here is a word of caution to all of my fellow wedding plannin’, people pleasin’ frenz:
