

I was told that I should include an earlier reply by date on our RSVP cards to ensure that we would get all our responses a month before our wedding. I knew I would receive late replies - it’s a given. Well, we put a May 10th deadline and it has officially passed.
I knew we would have some people who wouldn’t respond on time, but I never thought so many people in my family would find it hard to mail a postcard, as it was prestamped. We sent out 75 invitations, and 18 of those RSVPs have not yet found their way back to our mailbox - that’s 24% non - rsvpers.

I have to admit, I am far from perfect when it comes to wedding etiquette. As a bride, I try to be good and thoughtful (I wrote my engagement party thank you notes the day after our party), but despite all my efforts, there are times that I no doubt do things that would completely infuriate the ladies Post (Emily, Elizabeth, Peggy and . . . Markie? No wait, that doesn’t sound right.)

These days, with the bridal shower just behind us and less than 2 months to our wedding, gifts are finding their way to our home in all sorts of ways. They found their way to the shower in the most traditional of ways: people brought them, and since I opened them there as part of the festivities, I knew who brought what and why (no question that something was a bridal shower gift).

So writing the thank you note for my lovely glass domed cake plate will be - well, a piece of cake. (By the way, I loved Mrs. Kiwi’s recent post about becoming a grown up! I have to admit that I’m starting to feel like one receiving these gifts. I never thought my cakes/cupcakes needed a glass home before, but now I wonder how I ever left them homeless without it, and walking out of that shower knowing I was the proud owner of things like these did in fact make me feel, for whatever reasons, like more of an adult…).
Here are some upcoming events for you DC brides! Anna Post is signing her new book Emily Post’s Wedding Parties on January 12th.

Over the summer, I received invitations to four weddings. Three out of the four invitations had envelopes that were fed through a home printer with guests’ addresses. Although I have seen many etiquette sources that forbid this practice, it made me wonder: should etiquette rules be revised and adjusted as the times change?
The argument is that printed envelopes are not as personal as hand-written or calligraphered (calligraphed? calligraphied? I have no clue) ones. But realistically, feeding envelopes through a printer after inputting all of the addresses is not exactly effortless or quick; there is still time involved in personalizing things for each guest. And, it can actually look nice (not to mention it’s ideal for budget-conscious brides who have chicken-scratch handwriting, like me). So, where lies the problem? Is there a problem, or are many etiquette rules just outdated and, consequently, ignored?
Are the queens and kings of etiquette just too stubborn to consider updating the “rules” due to technological advancements? What other etiquette rules do you find outdated, or worthy of ignoring?
As crusades go, I admit it’s not “feeding the starving children of the world.” But here’s the deal:
Many of my friends have gotten married in recent years, and I often have a terrible time figuring out whether or not the bride has changed her name. In theory, at the wedding you’ll find out the couple’s official names when they’re first formally introduced. But what if you get caught up in the joy of the moment and forget to mentally file away that key bit of information? And if you miss the wedding, how do you know which name to use in sending a gift?
A few days ago, Mrs. Lollipop posted about a similar dilemma from the bride’s side: How does a bride let everyone know that she plans to keep her name?
My friends, the answer to these dilemmas is an “at home card.”
I stumbled across this article today, written by Miles Stiverson, and thought I’d see what the hive thinks.According to Stiverson, these are the 10 biggest mistakes guests make at weddings:
1. Not sending RSVPs
2. Sending RSVPs with extra guests
3. Bombarding the bride with phone calls and questions
4. Buying a non-registry gift
5. Showing up late
6. Bringing a big, heavy gift
7. Giving unexpected toasts
8. Requesting songs
9. Drinking too much
10. Crashing your wedding
Would I be a horrible Bee if I admitted to committing one or two of these party fouls? Is it my fault I thought my sister needed a pretty set of Vera Wang toasting flutes for her bridal shower? Can I really be held accountable if I thought the reception was sorely lacking a few Barry Manilow tunes? Should I have been more watchful of Mr. Chickadee’s drinks so he didn’t end up like this at the end of the night?
I have mixed feelings about wedding etiquette, to be honest with you. I firmly believe that only brides actually know anything about wediquette, which is why some wedding communities are full of brides complaining about their maid of honors that aren’t throwing amazing bridal showers or parents that aren’t coughing up $30,000 for a wedding. Not to mention the never ending discussions about whether or not it’s acceptable to include registry info in the invitation or, for that matter, whether it’s “two thousand and seven” or “two thousand seven” (because apparently the grammar books and Emily Post wildly disagree). All in all, I think these are things that only the bride thinks about.
That being said, I do know a lot of people who have gotten married, which potentially could mean they are etiquette experts, which potentially could mean they will kick me out of the family for not handwriting each and every outer envelope. Except, you know, they won’t.
I wouldn’t call myself a feminist. I mean, I went to an all-girls school for my formative years (7th - 12th grade) and took quite a few classes on the subject, but regardless, it just isn’t how I see myself. I remember one of my teachers (who DOES consider herself a feminist) made the point that modern women don’t want to call themselves feminists. This struck me as strange. I never thought there was a stigma against it. But many of the women she brought up did things or held ideals that most people would call feminist, yet still the women denied the term. Why women avoid it I do not know, but maybe I’m one of them. I’m in denial of my inner-feminist.
Nonetheless, when I started compiling the addresses for the invitations and STD’s I was faced with a quandary. Now, Emily Post would tell me to address couples as (Man’s First Name) (Last Name Here) eg Mr. & Mrs. John Smith, but somehow that feels sexist. Or what about when you write it to The John Smith Family. I think that’s the most formal and traditional way to address invitations, but it definitely feels a bit male-centric. Should I just nix the first name and write to The Smith Family? But does that make it sound less formal?
How are you addressing your invites to couples (with the same last name) and families?

From the day after we got engaged, one of the first debates we had was about the guest list. Originally, we had settled on having 150 guests. This would have been about perfect, after all, our pie-in-the-sky list we made at the beginning had 170 – and that included anyone we’d even consider inviting. However, when we fell in love with the O’Donnell, we had to accept that the venue can only hold 130 (and it’s not just a matter of chairs – they’d fall off the cliff!).