Weddingbee

Okay Weddingbees! I need your help. Here’s the situation - my parents went away on a weeks vacation and they left the keys to the brand new Porsche - would they mind? Hmmmm well, of course not. Just kidding. Sometimes I need a little Fresh Prince in the morning to get me going.

Okay, *here’s* the situation. We are having a day-after brunch at my parents house on Sunday. Mr. Pumpkin and I talked it over and decided that we were not going to open our gifts in front of everyone so that it is a brunch, not a gift opening. The other night we were talking about it with my SIL and she said something like, “Well, of course you’ll have all of your gifts opened and on display then, right?” And I said, “no” to which she replied, “You have to! It is rude not to! People want to see what you got!”

My personal feelings are that it is nobody else’s business what we “got” for wedding gifts. As I have said before, I think comparisons surrounding gifts and money almost always lead to hurt feelings. When I explained this to my SIL she said, “Well then display the gifts without the cards.” Well, what is the point of that? To me that just seems like we are showing off or something. It is all a bit weird, isn’t it? It never once occurred to me that it might be “rude” to not have our gifts be the focus of the brunch. My intentions surrounding the brunch were just to have a more relaxed setting to visit with our friends and family and to thank them once again for coming to the wedding. Read more…

<from www.lllusa.org>

Yesterday, I finally got around to catching up on our past couple of thank you notes. I went right along efficiently knocking off my notes and checking them off on my list, when I came to one for one of Mr. Bluebell’s friends (everyone before that had been family or mutual friends). I started to write, but then I paused - maybe Mr. Bluebell should write this one? I asked him and he said sure and promptly dropped it beside him on the couch. He’s been a big help on a million other wedding tasks, but this just doesn’t seem like his cup of tea. But then, why should I be writing all of them myself?

Which got me thinking…and you know what that means - poll time!

Our RSVP deadline was yesterday and we have received about 70% of our responses! That is higher than we thought we’d have at this point so I am feeling alright with where we’re sitting at the moment. What I am having trouble with is the wishy washy answers I am getting from some of our guests. Some examples of these are, “Well, I don’t really know my summer schedule yet but I am really hoping to come!” and “I am coming to Regina for another wedding in July so it might be a little hard on the wallet but I am hoping to make it!” and my personal favorite, “Well, our plane home from Thailand gets into Edmonton at 10:00pm on Friday night so we should be able to make it to Regina (9 hours away) in time for the wedding on Saturday!” It is true, it is technically possible for them to make it to Regina for the 5:00pm wedding but c’mon buddy! It ain’t gonna happen! I really love them for wanting to come but that just seems silly to believe that they will make it. Read more…

Everyone likes a juicy bit of gossip now and then, and I’m no exception. I just usually prefer when it’s someone else’s gossip. But I guess my number is up, because I’ve got a doozy of a drama on my hands.

I have a friend whom I’ve known for a few years. We only became somewhat close in the past year, though we were friendly acquaintances for some time before that. During the past several months though, it became pretty clear pretty quickly that this was the sort of friendship that would require some effort. It was one of those one-sided, very frustrating relationships. She was flaky, inconsiderate, selfish, and generally unavailable. Half the invitations I extended were flat out refused; the other half she cancelled on last minute. Acts of unbelievable rudeness were committed towards myself and some mutual friends, people who made a real effort to include her socially.

When the rest of these mutual friends decided they’d had enough, I stuck around. What can I say? She made me laugh, and when you could finally pin her down, she was a blast to be around. At one point, we had a heart-to-heart in which I told her how frustrating she was, how much everyone enjoyed her company but couldn’t deal with her self-centeredness. She thanked me for my honesty and we embarked on v. 2.0 of our friendship. Read more…

Thanks for all the advice on my post yesterday ya’ll (gotta throw in some of my southern charm here )

It’s just difficult knowing how to act / what to do because we were friends for so long and our friends are sort of friends with him - AND he’s been talking about “how fun” our wedding is going to be for over a year or so, assuming that he was invited already!!

He moved to another part of the state around 2 years ago, and we rarely hang out or even talk online anymore unless he needs something and/or is bored.

How do you break the news to someone that they’re not invited, when they already thought they were coming??

Recently Mr. Kiwi put us in a bit of a bind. Out of respect for his brother and sister, we are inviting their in-laws. So it’s his sister’s husband’s parents, and his brother’s in-laws as well (confused yet?). Since we had discussed it previously, I was all set to address a save-the-date to Lena’s (Mr. Kiwi’s sister) sister in law, too. Well, Lena had to call for their address, since we didn’t have it.

As I was telling Mr. Kiwi about how hard it was to get this address, he breaks the news: “We are NOT inviting them.” What?! We had discussed this BEFORE, man. Well, Mr. Kiwi has since remembered a bad experience with that couple (they tried to TIP him for helping out family–the ultimate insult to Mr. Kiwi) and refuses to invite them. They’re also fairly judgmental and will most likely make insulting comments in comparing our wedding to theirs.

Now, thankfully, we rarely have to see that family, but what am I going to do? We’ve already asked for the address, and Mr. Kiwi just freakishly changed his mind. (Thank goodness they are not internet savvy!) We’re in a bind.

In our Weekly Roundup yesterday, we linked to a Miss Manners advice column on whether websites could be included on invitations. Miss Manners said that a couple’s wedding website had no place “on a formal invitation or even in the same envelope,” and suggested that website information should be sent via email instead. Several commenters disagreed with Miss Manners, so we thought we’d get your take:

I’ve seen this question on many boards before, but I never seem to get a good answer.

There was a guest at our wedding who did not send us a gift. Not that we expected gifts from everyone, but this particular guest said that the “gifts are on the way” during the wedding. We have not received anything from this guest. I’ve called the registries and tried to find out if maybe this person sent something and we just never got it. But, it looks like we’ve received everything that was bought. So now I’m trying to figure out maybe this person went off-registry? Or maybe this person sent money?

How do I find out if this person sent something and it got lost, or if they accidentally forgot to send something?

What is the right etiquette? I will thank this person for coming to the wedding, but I would feel horrible if I didn’t thank them for a gift, if there was a gift purchased.

What do I do?

One of my absolute *favorite* sites is Etiquette Hell. I spent (no kidding) three entire days reading all the stories of bad wedding etiquette. Even though it hasn’t been updated for close to two years now, there should be enough reading there to keep you happy for quite a while :).

I’m lucky enough to say I’ve never witnessed any big faux pas at weddings I’ve attended (thus far), but what were some you’ve seen? How did you react?

Is it required to invite the minister to the rehearsal dinner and/or reception dinner? Since I’m having a destination wedding in Hawaii, I probably won’t meet him until the day of my wedding.

Thanks,
ocicats