In Loving Memory
July 15th, 2008 @ 10:23 am by Miss Pinot Noir
Mr. Pinot Noir and I have been looking for unique ways to remember the people that will not be able to celebrate our wedding with us. We have chosen three ways to honor those who cannot be attendance.
I particularly wanted to honor my grandmothers (one passed away in 2005 and the other is too sick to travel to the wedding) and my uncle who passed away last summer. In their honor I will be adding photo charms to my wedding bouquet. This way they will be with me all day and then I will be able to save the charms as a keepsake (as I do not plan to save the bouquet). I talked to my florist and she thought this was a wonderful idea and doesn’t believe she will have any trouble incorporating them into the bouquet. I will use a photo of each of them from the day of their wedding.
This is an idea of what I am planning:
Opposites Attract?
November 8th, 2007 @ 3:26 pm by Mrs. Canary
Mr. Canary sent me this great Slate article on why people are attracted to each other. (I had also been thinking about this after reading Miss Jasmine’s post on occupations yesterday.) The article talks about a particular study at Columbia University where two psychologists set up speed dating experiments to figure out what attracted people to each other. Is it really based on the traditional stereotype that men focus on looks and women care more about money and success? What really drew my attention was their findings on race…
We found no evidence of the stereotype of a white male preference for East Asian women. However, we also found that East Asian women did not discriminate against white men (only against black and Hispanic men). As a result, the white man-Asian woman pairing was the most common form of interracial dating—but because of the women’s neutrality, not the men’s pronounced preference.
This hits home because Mr. Canary is white and I am Chinese. But it’s not only that… I get asked fairly often why I’m not dating/marrying a man with the same background and ethnicity. To be honest, that question really pisses me off. You don’t choose who you fall in love with - I love Mr. Canary for all the things that make him who he is… intelligence, generosity, humor, looks… the whole package. Yes, there are major cultural differences and we have both learned how to adjust to it, but on the flip side, these differences may just be a matter of different upbringing, in different cities, by different families. A lot of our differences may be dictated by culture, but not all of them.
Dollars and Sense
October 30th, 2007 @ 11:03 am by Mrs. Hummingbird
In light of my last post, I figured I’d write kind of a how-to follow up for people who maybe haven’t had the big money talk with their families yet. It can be a really hard thing to talk about, especially because there’s kind of this general idea floating around that the love and happiness of your big day shouldn’t be tainted with talk of dollars and cents, but really, when it comes down to it, the bottom line can be a really big deal and one of the first things you should deal with when planning so that it doesn’t cost you a huge amount of grief later.
So my tips for “The Talk”.
1. Be united – Before you go in to talking to either set of parents, talk things out with your partner to make sure you’re on the same page. Work out the things you might need help with and then, when you go into the talk, have the person whose parents you are talking to take the lead in terms of navigating the conversation. There is nothing more awkward or unfair than forcing your honey to hit up your parents for cash.
Being A Mother, Being A Wife
October 29th, 2007 @ 1:01 pm by Mrs. Jasmine
image courtesy of amazon.com
In a revealing Salon.com interview, Deborah Merrill, author of the book “Mothers-in-Law and Daughters-in-Law: Understanding the Relationship and What Makes Them Friends or Foe”, acknowledges that mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships can occasionally be fraught with tension and conflict because “while the daughter-in-law is trying to create her own family, her mother-in-law is trying to maintain relationships in her family as they have always been.”
The First Family Conflict
October 25th, 2007 @ 6:07 pm by Mrs. Tulip
So far, Mr. T and I have been blessed to be surrounded with easy-going people during our wedding planning. My divorced parents have been supportive of each other’s roles in the wedding. The bridesmaids gave me free reign to dress them in whatever I want. And our friends have responded with enthusiasm to every decision we’ve made. I’m sure most issues generally arise as a wedding date draws closer, but so far everything has been smooth sailing.
That is, it HAD been smooth sailing…. Yesterday, Mr. T got an email from his mother protesting the limit on the number of people she is allowed to invite to the wedding. He has told his parents that they can invite 10 people – granted, not a huge number, but it’s ¼ of Mr. T’s total invitations. He doesn’t have any extended family in this country. And our venue is small, so every person counts. Also, to be quite frank, we’re paying for everything ourselves, and I believe that means we get to make choices that work for us – in this case, a small venue filled only with the people who mean the most to us.
Down With The Sickness
October 12th, 2007 @ 10:55 am by Mrs. Hummingbird
As an only child (of an Irish Catholic - how this happened I will never know), I have to admit, I’m fairly close to my parents. Unlike Mr. Hummingbird’s parents, mine have been together for almost 30 years and so I grew up in nuclear household, spent a lot of time with my folks (constant family dinners, outings and vacations) and came to see them almost as friends as I aged. Even though I moved out three years ago, I talk to them on the phone every few days and see them as a unit a couple of times a month. Plus, since my dad works not too far from where I live, he and I have dinner dates the second Tuesday of every month.
Anyway, when I called home a couple months ago, my mom answered the phone and sounded upset. She wouldn’t tell me what was wrong right away but after I badgered her for a couple of minutes, she caved and told me my dad was sick, that he had come down with a stress-induced nerve infection and was in a bit of pain. Thankfully, he went to the doctor right away (unlike like most of us in my bonehead family - I had strep throat for almost two months because I was convinced that I would just get better) and it’s under control now, but the incident freaked me and upset me a little because it was the first time since I moved out that I really wanted to be home and couldn’t . . . because it hit me that that wasn’t really where I belonged anymore.
A Lot To Give Thanks For
October 8th, 2007 @ 4:35 pm by Mrs. Hummingbird
Mr. Hummingbird will tease me for my holiday related cheesiness (today is Thanksgiving here in Canada), but considering what has happened these last few days, I can’t help it.
(F)MILs
October 4th, 2007 @ 4:11 pm by Mrs. Peony
Mr. Peony and I had a discussion about mother-in-laws the other day and ended up questioning when exactly it became the norm to not get along with your (future) mother-in-law. Was it always this way? Did cavewomen butt heads with their MILs too?
After spending time with my mother every day for the last 9 months, Mr. Peony now loves her despite the language barrier (she speaks very little English). She in turn loves him back and treats him like the son she never had: cooking for him, cleaning up after him, giving him gifts, and even taking his side when we argue.
I, on the other hand, never really spent too much time with Mr. Peony’s mother because his parents live in Hong Kong. We’re friendly to one another but I wouldn’t call us friends. Whenever I do see her, I turn into a stone version of Miss Peony. I get super nervous, and the thought that I’m the girl who’s taking away her first born son away from her is always at the back of my mind. In addition, she doesn’t speak much English either…trying to converse with your FMIL when you both already speak the same language is hard enough! She’s never been nothing but nice to me, but I’m so bad at small talk and those awkward silences just kill me.
Meet and Greet
October 3rd, 2007 @ 3:36 pm by Mrs. Kiwi
This weekend comes the dreaded “Meet and Greet”. Our parents have met once, at my brother’s U.S. wedding reception, but the siblings have never met my parents or any other member of my family - not counting one run-in at Rocky Cola Cafe.
For some weird reason, I’m nervous. Although my family isn’t made up of circus folk, and we try not to actively embarrass ourselves in public, I still worry that the families won’t get along. More than that, I worry that people won’t have anyone to talk to. For instance, my cousin Ashley is coming, she’s going to be 20 this year. That’s an odd age around us semi-grownups and actual grownups. There won’t be anyone in her age group to hang out with, and I fear her being left-out. Kind of in the same vein, Ashley’s sister Christina is 12 years old, right smack in the middle of the 4/6 year olds and her older sister. There will be no one in HER age group, either. Should I try to stick with them through the day, or just let everyone fend for themselves?
Pity Invites
September 6th, 2007 @ 1:59 pm by Mrs. Kiwi
With all of the invitations out and (mostly) received, we’ve started getting the unwanted phone calls: “Hey, Miss Kiwi? I was just wondering if you guys invited *****?” “Hm. I’m going to have to tell you no. We didn’t invite the girl your mom went to school with 15 years ago.” Now there is a new circumstance about inviting someone who was never on the list.
My FMIL and I worked for hours addressing all the invitations. The guest list was set and run by all important members of the bridal party. Names were tossed about, some were dropped, most were agreed upon. So why did my FMIL call and ask if we’re inviting my FSIL’s husband’s sister and brother in law? After discussing the basic familial guest list for the Save the Dates, their name was mentioned by Mr. Kiwi’s sister (and MOH). We quickly vetoed as we’re already inviting MOH’s MIL/FIL.
Months ago, when we first told my matron of honor that we aren’t inviting her SIL, she was fine with it. Now that the invitations are received, why did we get phone calls asking us to please reconsider inviting the SIL and hubby? When I asked FMIL why she’d like us to invite someone we haven’t seen for literally over a year, instead of say… friends, she said it was so MOH wouldn’t get yelled at by her MIL for us not inviting her daughter.
