Mrs. Cheese, KnoxvilleAge and Occupation: 29, Engineering ManagerFiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD DesignerEngagement Date: July 31, 2008Wedding Date: May, 2009Blogging Since: October 16, 2008Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits onAbout Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
Crazy title, isn’t it? It’s (fortunately or not) true. Because we’re having our wedding at home (a decision that both excites me and gives me moments of panic), our home renovations are taking on an additional level of pressure.
Soon (I promise) I’ll take you on a photo tour of our slightly creepy and incredibly outdated home, but right now I want to do a little happy dance about a project that we just completed: updating the main bathroom! *happy dance, happy dance*
Mrs. Cheese, KnoxvilleAge and Occupation: 29, Engineering ManagerFiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD DesignerEngagement Date: July 31, 2008Wedding Date: May, 2009Blogging Since: October 16, 2008Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits onAbout Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
I loved Miss Powder Puff’s post on inexpensive wedding gifts, and it got me thinking about other gifts that I’ve loved to receive that weren’t terribly expensive: magazine subscriptions! This year for Christmas, each member of my family is getting a magazine subscription - less pressure than picking out a book, less expensive than clothing they won’t wear anyway, and they’ll get a little gift every month all year long! So, here are my contributions to the list of inexpensive gifts…
As an engagement gift, give bridal magazines: Martha Stewart Weddings, InStyle Weddings, Brides… or all three! For $24, you get 6 issues of Brides, 6 issues of Modern Bride, AND 4 issues of Elegant Bride. Throw in the other two ($16 for four issues of Martha Stewart, $5.99 per issue for In Style Weddings) and you’re still under 50 bucks. This would also make a fabulous holiday gift for an engaged friend. Read more…
Mrs. Cheese, KnoxvilleAge and Occupation: 29, Engineering ManagerFiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD DesignerEngagement Date: July 31, 2008Wedding Date: May, 2009Blogging Since: October 16, 2008Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits onAbout Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
Saving the holiday decorating, that is. After Miss Powder Puff’s post about giving Christmas decorations as wedding gifts (fabulous idea, PP!), and my post mentioning “pre-nesting” as a downside of living together, I decided that we’ll save at least a few traditions for our year as newlyweds. The mister agreed! (I’m guessing that part of his ready agreement has to do with suddenly realizing how much time and effort goes into getting a tree, not to mention the decisions — fake or real, cut or live, themes or not, star or angel, breakable ornaments or not, etc, etc!) Read more…
Mrs. Cheese, KnoxvilleAge and Occupation: 29, Engineering ManagerFiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD DesignerEngagement Date: July 31, 2008Wedding Date: May, 2009Blogging Since: October 16, 2008Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits onAbout Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
I thought I knew, long ago when I was planning my first wedding, why people got divorced. My parents were divorced. Many of my relatives were divorced. I didn’t have any friends that were divorced, but that’s just because I was young, too young for anyone to have been married yet, much less divorced.
I thought that people got divorced because they weren’t right for each other. I thought that people got divorced because they grew apart, or because they wanted different things out of life. I thought that people weren’t good companions, or had different ideas of what was fun, or just didn’t like each other very much. I thought that people got divorced because they weren’t realistic about marriage — that they didn’t think about divorce when they decided to get married, didn’t think it would happen to them, didn’t imagine that it could happen to them.
And so, I thought about it, a lot. I considered whether he was the right man for me, tested our ability to stick it out once the masks came off, was comforted that we knew each other really well and had the same goals and dreams. Most of the reasons that I thought people got divorced had to do with the beginning of their relationship (reread the paragraph above and you’ll see that it’s true). Did you pick the right person? Did you consider the alternatives? Do you know where you want to go (and does he, and are they the same place)?
Mrs. Cheese, KnoxvilleAge and Occupation: 29, Engineering ManagerFiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD DesignerEngagement Date: July 31, 2008Wedding Date: May, 2009Blogging Since: October 16, 2008Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits onAbout Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
Okay, I realize that this is a controversial topic, and I’m bringing it up not to judge anyone who’s already made the decision, but because once upon a time I was faced with that decision, and I Googled the heck out of it to get some perspective. This post is an attempt to offer my experience to anyone in that position, Googling “living together” or “engaged before living together” or “cohabitation.” I’m going to leave out any reasons that aren’t specific to living together before marriage (like “waking up next to the one you love is awesome” — it is, but marriage isn’t necessarily a factor there).
Five reasons I wish we didn’t live together:
I worry that we get into habits that I don’t want us to continue after marriage, simply because we let them happen by default. Let me explain: before we were engaged, we still sometimes danced around uncomfortable topics because we didn’t want to “jinx it” (yea, yea, that’s my explanation, anyway). It feels like before I knew it, I was always the one cleaning up the kitchen. I wonder if, had we waited to cohabitate, we might have discussed those kinds of things first.
Pre-nesting happens. We are fixing up our house while trying to plan a wedding and it can get overwhelming. Also, we are holding off on buying things that we registered for, but sometimes you have to break down and buy a rolling pin, you know? I think it might have been more fun to move in together after our wedding and then start nesting.
Mrs. Cheese, KnoxvilleAge and Occupation: 29, Engineering ManagerFiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD DesignerEngagement Date: July 31, 2008Wedding Date: May, 2009Blogging Since: October 16, 2008Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits onAbout Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
I was working on a sewing project last night (I know, I still haven’t told you about it, but it’s because I’m not finished yet!) and I noticed how much I enjoyed pinning fabric, which I usually hate, because I liked the way my engagement ring sparkled when I spread my left hand to hold the pieces in place. It got me thinking about other things that are better since we’ve been engaged.
Meals with the future in-laws. My fiance’s family is very small and very close, so I tended to feel like an intruder when I joined them for meals, especially for special occasions. Since we’ve been engaged, I’ve felt less like an interloper. Mr. Cheese and I have noticed that we’ve had more fun with them lately, and I wonder if this is why?
Home improvement. Rather than working on projects for the sake of temporary aesthetics (I was a happy renter before we bought this house), we’re now “building a home together.” Every decision has more meaning, from paint (is it washable?) to bathroom tiles (will children slip on them?), so I’m enjoying the decision-making much more than before.
Mrs. Cheese, KnoxvilleAge and Occupation: 29, Engineering ManagerFiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD DesignerEngagement Date: July 31, 2008Wedding Date: May, 2009Blogging Since: October 16, 2008Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits onAbout Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
I’ve always done an okay job of flying by the seat of my pants when it comes to money. I make a pretty good salary (can’t complain), have increased my income pretty steadily through my 20’s, and got through college on scholarships and tuition reimbursement. I wouldn’t say that I was in control of my finances, though. More than once (okay, pretty often) I paid utility bills when I received a shut-off notice. My retirement account was funded, but I didn’t have much cash in savings. I generally paid my credit cards off every month, but every so often they would get away from me. And I spent entirely too much money on… well, who knows. I just spent it, and *poof* it was gone. I figured that as long as I could pay my bills, have some fun, and get myself out of a jam if I needed to (break a lease to move, handle car repairs, hop a flight home to New Mexico if something happened), I was fine. For those of you who may be wondering how this worked in my first marriage, I’ll just say that he was just like me. We flew by the seat of our pants together. You can imagine the messes we made and cleaned up along the way.
Mrs. Cheese, KnoxvilleAge and Occupation: 29, Engineering ManagerFiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD DesignerEngagement Date: July 31, 2008Wedding Date: May, 2009Blogging Since: October 16, 2008Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits onAbout Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
I’ve been trying to write a post about “stuff” for a while but I haven’t managed to get it finished.
What do you do with the artifacts from your previous relationships as you start a new family in marriage? I have wedding pictures from my first wedding, mementos from vacations taken with my ex-husband, photos of people that aren’t in my life anymore, not to mention the saucepans that were a wedding gift (the last wedding gift that I still have). I don’t want to keep them, but I can’t manage to get rid of them.
I realized today that it’s a metaphor for a bigger issue, so as hard and painful as writing this will be, it’s important enough that I will find a way. Read more…
Mrs. Cheese, KnoxvilleAge and Occupation: 29, Engineering ManagerFiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD DesignerEngagement Date: July 31, 2008Wedding Date: May, 2009Blogging Since: October 16, 2008Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits onAbout Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
I just got this blog post in my reader, from the nerdy folks at the Freakonomics blog, titled “Assessing Your Divorce Risk.”
What are the odds of your marriage ending in divorce?
This is a risk with some pretty important consequences, but chances are, you don’t have the foggiest idea on how to quantify it. Until now.
My favorite economist (and my significant other), Betsey Stevenson, has put together a neat online widget for the folks at Divorce360.com. The widget crunches recent marital history data to assess your chances of getting divorced, and it does this by taking account of some very simple demographics. Learn your divorce risk here.
Mrs. Cheese, KnoxvilleAge and Occupation: 29, Engineering ManagerFiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD DesignerEngagement Date: July 31, 2008Wedding Date: May, 2009Blogging Since: October 16, 2008Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits onAbout Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
I’ve been thinking a lot about our wedding party, having read and considered every one of your comments. The theme seemed to be to surround yourself with people who support you, to include family if at all possible, and to choose bridesmaids and groomsmen to honor each phase of your lives. I hear ya.
Your comments plus the Thanksgiving holiday (and a chat with my little brother) got me thinking that there are really two strategies for choosing a wedding party: inclusive or exclusive. I didn’t know which way to go. As I told my brother, the “point” of a wedding party is to surround yourselves with the people who will support you and your marriage going forward, not necessarily just to honor childhood friends or family. He then reminded me that many wedding traditions are also about honoring the people in your life, regardless of your current feelings. Hmmmm.
Because I always want to limit drama, I’d leaned toward keeping our wedding party small. More people = more input = more coordination = more drama… right? Yea, except that the more I think about it, the more it seems that leaving people out is what creates drama. Read more…
Mrs. Cheese, KnoxvilleAge and Occupation: 29, Engineering ManagerFiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD DesignerEngagement Date: July 31, 2008Wedding Date: May, 2009Blogging Since: October 16, 2008Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits onAbout Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
We bought my wedding ring today… and I may or may not be wearing mine while I type this (ssssh, the mister’s in the other room)!
I mean, I HAVE TO in order to blog about it, right? How else will I describe it to you with the accuracy and detail that you expect of me? I’M DOING IT FOR YOU. {That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.}
We took a break from renovating our bathroom (more on that later) to play hooky. We took a dance lesson (more on that later, too), stuffed ourselves with food, hit Best Buy and Sears… and while we wandering the mall to avoid coming home to more work, we stumbled into a jewelry store that was going out of business.
Take a moment to understand the significance here. Jewelry. Store. Clearance. 80%. Discount. Y’all know I’m thrifty (fine, fine, cheap) from the fact that I didn’t even want to pay David’s Bridal prices for a dress, so you have an inkling of the joy that filled my heart. Read more…
Mrs. Cheese, KnoxvilleAge and Occupation: 29, Engineering ManagerFiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD DesignerEngagement Date: July 31, 2008Wedding Date: May, 2009Blogging Since: October 16, 2008Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits onAbout Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
We’re a mere six months away from our wedding and we haven’t decided on a wedding party yet. *gulp* Wait, wait! Before you slap my hand for my procrastination, I assure you that this is different than all of the other things we haven’t done yet. Really, I swear!
I’m having a hard time making the whole idea of a bridal party make sense for us (well, me). Tradition for the sake of tradition doesn’t work for me. Things have to make sense to me, in my head and in my heart, before I can move on, so I’m stuck. (Yes, yes, I was that kid that drove everyone nuts asking, “Why?” all the time.) Read more…
Mrs. Cheese, KnoxvilleAge and Occupation: 29, Engineering ManagerFiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD DesignerEngagement Date: July 31, 2008Wedding Date: May, 2009Blogging Since: October 16, 2008Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits onAbout Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
I never really considered gender roles in my first marriage. Okay, that’s a lie. I did, but only briefly as I patted myself on the back for escaping the limits of traditional roles. My ex-husband cooked, cleaned, and took care of the pets. He made sure that our house was stocked with the necessities, that the lawn was presentable, and that our guests didn’t die of starvation. We had a rolling pin, a fancy schmancy silicone one in a masculine blue that he picked out and used.
I supervised (and paid the bills). I secretly believed that I was incapable of doing what he did, so I didn’t even try, but it didn’t matter. In this day and age, it was something to be proud of, that my husband was such a fabulous “wife.”*
Mrs. Cheese, KnoxvilleAge and Occupation: 29, Engineering ManagerFiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD DesignerEngagement Date: July 31, 2008Wedding Date: May, 2009Blogging Since: October 16, 2008Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits onAbout Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
I’ve mentioned before that we don’t really have a formal budget for our wedding. Owing to the bazillion home improvement projects we’ve taken on (and have to complete before the wedding), we’re planning to spend as much (or as little) as we can afford as we go. Projects for our home will take precedent over wedding expenses. I know, I know, not the best budgeting strategy, but that’s our plan.
For giggles this morning, I plugged my guesstimates into a wedding budget spreadsheet (it’s this one).
Mrs. Cheese, KnoxvilleAge and Occupation: 29, Engineering ManagerFiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD DesignerEngagement Date: July 31, 2008Wedding Date: May, 2009Blogging Since: October 16, 2008Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits onAbout Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
Unique Wedding Favors
