Miss Scone, Napa/Kansas CityAge and Occupation: 31, RecruiterFiancee's Age and Occupation: 33, Motorcycle MechanicEngagement Date: April 15, 2010Wedding Date: July 2012Venue: Boulevard BreweryAbout Me: I am a West Coast girl that fell for a Midwestern girl. I can’t get enough of baking, projecting, family and our fluffy dog child Darby. I bake by smell, haven’t used a timer in years and years. Having a major project on the horizon and a busy schedule keep me sane. I love beer even though I live in Napa (but I like wine too, just not as much as beer). We are planning a family friendly convivial affair in Kansas City and can’t wait to share the adventures.
Just over a year ago the State of California processed our domestic partnership paperwork and officially made us “domesticated in the eyes of the state.” Would you like to see what it looks like?
Miss Scone, Napa/Kansas CityAge and Occupation: 31, RecruiterFiancee's Age and Occupation: 33, Motorcycle MechanicEngagement Date: April 15, 2010Wedding Date: July 2012Venue: Boulevard BreweryAbout Me: I am a West Coast girl that fell for a Midwestern girl. I can’t get enough of baking, projecting, family and our fluffy dog child Darby. I bake by smell, haven’t used a timer in years and years. Having a major project on the horizon and a busy schedule keep me sane. I love beer even though I live in Napa (but I like wine too, just not as much as beer). We are planning a family friendly convivial affair in Kansas City and can’t wait to share the adventures.
Did I mention we met in February 2009, got unengaged in August 2009, got officially engaged in April 2010, and chose to wait until July 2012 to get hitched? Unengagement to wedding = 35 months. Official engagement to wedding = 27 months…
Just a bit of a heads up—we willingly made that decision. I started a full-time grad program in September 2009 while working full time, and we had no desire to make life hard and plan the whole shindig while I was getting edumacated.
There was the heart-wrenching Prop 8 passage that happened months before we met, but there is still hope. Prop 8 has been in legal limbo and is moving (albeit at a snail’s pace) toward the US Supreme Court, where it might be repealed and set precedence to change marriage laws nationwide. We were hopeful that this case would be decided on before July 2012. We are getting a skosh less hopeful that things will change before we get hitched…but we have some backup plans that I will talk about later.
Miss Mink, Charlottesville, VirginiaAge and Occupation: 34, College AdministratorFiance's Age and Occupation: 40, Craft Beer ConsultantEngagement Date: November 26, 2010Wedding Date: June 2012Venue: Pippin Hill Farm & VineyardsAbout Me: I left a pre-war brownstone in Boston six years ago to live in a funky, Southern city where Thomas Jefferson, Dave Matthews, and urban chicken keepers enjoy equal social standing. I still love my Patriots and Red Sox, but have fallen in love with Virginia. I work in education and specialize in integrating technology into my work to improve the student experience. I’m a diehard blogger, animal lover, jamband follower, and DIYer. I paint to relax and have transferred by energy from home projects to wedding projects in recent months. When Mr. Mink and I started talking about marriage, we knew our wedding would be outdoors, that my golden retriever would be part of the day, and that the music would be fantastic. We’ve taken a few risks during our planning process and we’ve been enjoying the process immensely!
Thus far, our planning process has been pretty smooth. We’ve signed contracts with almost all of our vendors. It almost feels like we’re in the home stretch. We’re at the point that we’re getting back in touch with the different businesses we’re using to solidify details. I’m dreading the fact that one vendor might need to be reminded about the contents of our contract.
I take the concept of honor pretty seriously. The idea of not following through on a promise is unfathomable. Before I signed contracts, I scoured review websites, both general ones like Yelp and wedding-specific ones like WeddingWire, in hopes of finding like-minded vendors. I combed through blogs to read the opinions of people who had used my vendors in the past. I think I have a pretty impressive team assembled.
Ms. Ferris Wheel, San FranciscoAge and Occupation: 29, PsychologistFiance's Age and Occupation: 27, PsychologistEngagement Date: May 23 and 28, 2010 (one for each of us!)Wedding Date: November 2011Venue: Parc55 Hotel (city lights ceremony, ballroom reception)About Me: Born in the Southeast, educated in the Northeast, and over-educated on the West Coast, I finally earned my city-girl credentials and have put down roots in gorgeous San Francisco. I’m a raging perfectionist with a lightning quick wit and a terrible sense of both time and direction. Our wedding task list is endlessly growing because of my predilection to think that DIY projects I can make = DIY projects I should make (so not true!). I always go to bed wishing there were more hours in the day to enjoy all the things I adore, whether that be hobbies, friends, my career, our two dogs, or Mr. Ferris Wheel. Ours is a story of a non-traditional couple living an oddly traditional life planning a not-so-traditional wedding in this city we adore. Together we are bustin’ out all of our best skills (and some of our worst ones) to plan a laid-back-chic DIY-craftastic love-alicious affair!
Let me start out by saying this—I was never going to change my name. Never. Ever. I wasn’t going to, and I didn’t. So there’s that spoiler out of the way.
Of course, we all know that life is a little more complicated than “I’ll just make up my mind and stick to it no matter what.” Even though I may have known all of my adult life that I would never change my name, it certainly doesn’t mean that I haven’t had many, many thoughts and feelings about that decision. In fact, I often tell people that if I were writing a dissertation all over again I would want to do qualitative research on this topic. Not only am I fascinated by how and why people make this decision, but I’m also interested in whether there are ways to make this process easier and more equitable for all parties involved. Because, until the day comes when men get married and then are asked, “So, what’s your new name?” then I think we (all of us, regardless of gender) have more work to do on this issue.
Side note, and I hope this is obvious but I’m saying it anyway—I’m writing only about my own experience, thoughts, and feelings here. Of course I support, without judgment, whatever choice people want to make about their own name. That said, I do wish it were more common for men to change their names, women to keep their names, and any and all parties to create new names (hyphenated, made up, or otherwise). I have a hunch that would create so much more freedom and permission for everyone, to replace many of the judgments, assumptions and expectations that currently exist.
Certainly those gendered assumptions about names definitely affected how I felt about the name change issue in my relationship with Mr. FW. As you no doubt recall, Mr. FW was not always a mister and it’s been interesting for me to notice how his gender transition has impacted the way I was navigating my own thoughts and feelings about our names and our future family. Read more…
Mrs. Mole, Los Angeles/Las VegasAge and Occupation: 29, Test Prep InstructorFiance's Age and Occupation: 31, User Experience ArchitectEngagement Date: April 2011Wedding Date: January 2012Venue: Wynn Las Vegas/Bouchon BistroAbout Me: I’m a Wisconsinite-turned-Angeleno who is planning a destination wedding in Las Vegas. I am passionate about education: I spent 23 (!) consecutive years in school, and now I work to help other people get into graduate programs. I love running on the treadmill, buying bath products from Lush, learning new moves in step aerobics, and exploring my neighborhood on foot. I am sometimes snobby about food, but I am rarely snobby about books. I read everything from Geoffrey Chaucer to Iris Murdoch to Chuck Klosterman to Candace Bushnell. My fiance and I are getting married on our third anniversary!
Or, an alternate title: Why Mr. Mole and I Almost Got Married Before Our Wedding
Mr. Mole and I moved to Los Angeles in July. He had found a great job with a higher salary and benefits; in fact, that job was the reason we decided to move in the first place. I, on the other hand, would be unemployed. I had a couple of good leads on some jobs — including an available teaching position in the Los Angeles Unified School District — but nothing concrete.
Good news: I ended up finding a job in my field within a week or two of moving. Bad news: the job offered no benefits. I still took it, and I immediately started the process of finding insurance. Going without some form of medical insurance was not an option for Mr. Mole and me. Want to see one very convincing reason why? Read more…
Mrs. Mole, Los Angeles/Las VegasAge and Occupation: 29, Test Prep InstructorFiance's Age and Occupation: 31, User Experience ArchitectEngagement Date: April 2011Wedding Date: January 2012Venue: Wynn Las Vegas/Bouchon BistroAbout Me: I’m a Wisconsinite-turned-Angeleno who is planning a destination wedding in Las Vegas. I am passionate about education: I spent 23 (!) consecutive years in school, and now I work to help other people get into graduate programs. I love running on the treadmill, buying bath products from Lush, learning new moves in step aerobics, and exploring my neighborhood on foot. I am sometimes snobby about food, but I am rarely snobby about books. I read everything from Geoffrey Chaucer to Iris Murdoch to Chuck Klosterman to Candace Bushnell. My fiance and I are getting married on our third anniversary!
Hi. I’m Miss Mole. I’m a white girl from small -Wisconsin. In two short months, I will be Mrs. Mole, where “Mole” is a stand-in for an incredibly common Chinese last name. It’s so common that it has its own entry on Wikipedia. According to that website, there are over 16 million living people who share that last name.
So what does this mean? On a superficial level, it means that I have no chance in hell to get my preferred Gmail address: first-initial-last-name. My last name, in contrast to Mr. Mole’s, is so uncommon that I have never had any problem getting an easy email address. (In fact, I’ve never even met anyone else outside of my relatives who shares my surname.) I probably spent about 40 minutes playing around with different combinations of my first and new last name before giving up and just throwing my maiden name in the address.
Mrs. D'orsay, Baltimore/Lancaster UKAge and Occupation: 24, nonprofit communications Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Web site developer and designer; co-owner of men's skincare shopEngagement Date: August 10, 2008Wedding Date: August, 2009Venue: Oakland ManorAbout Me: I'm a Maryland raised environmental policy wonk/activist/organizer and communications aficionado. In the past year I've lived in Baltimore, MD, Tucson, AZ, Miami, FL and Lancaster, England. In my not so spare time I enjoy planning trips with Mr. D' Orsay, visiting friends and family and crafting like a mo-fo. I also enjoy modern dance classes, rugby and soccer but have been banned by my mother, MOHs, and Mr. D' Orsay from playing till after the wedding. I have an unnatural addiction to cheese and shoes, but love Mr. D' Orsay more than either and can't wait to become Mrs. D' Orsay!
of 2011! Ha, have I taught you nothing? This is a process that never ends, it goes on and on my friends…
We’re about to remove the conditions on Mr. D’s provisional green card/permanent resident card. That’s right, we’re in a provisional marriage. Our learner’s permit of matrimony, if you will. Basically, to ensure that you’re not in a sham marriage (and I assume, to collect further revenue) after you receive the K-1 (fiance visa), then after you are married and complete the adjustment of status you receive a provisional green card—valid for 2 years from receiving the card. In our case this is January 2010, so when the government refers to anniversaries… they mean when you received your card—not your wedding anniversary.
You can apply for your 10 year card as soon as 90 days before your expiry date. For the past year or so, I’ve been having flashbacks to our engagement year. Moments such as, “oh, we should save a holiday card to send to the government,” or “don’t forget a picture of the two of us, we need evidence!” If you don’t submit the forms, evidence of your relationship and $590… you get deported. So obviously this needs to be completed.
It’s a stressful situation for so many reasons, but it’s also a strange position to find yourself in: trying to view your relationship as an outsider, making sure you look like a real couple, proving to someone you’ll never meet that you are a couple in a real marriage. Read more…
Mrs. Parasol, San Ramon, CaliforniaAge and Occupation: 25, Non-profit writer, editor, and bloggerFiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Law school studentEngagement Date: December 19th, 2010Wedding Date: September 2011Venue: Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California) About Me: I am a California girl at heart. I love the outdoors, sunny days at the beach, and hiking in the woods and mountains. I also love good books and am fresh from completing my Master's degree in English and Comparative Literature in New York City. Living in NYC was an amazing experience, and while I'm glad to be back on the West Coast, I'm also thankful that my two years back East gave me an opportunity to explore new places, make new friends, and indulge my passion for Broadway shows. Oh, and I received a pretty awesome proposal from Mr. Parasol in Central Park. Above all else, Mr. Parasol is my biggest cheerleader and my best friend. But even though I'm thrilled to be marrying him, I wasn't always totally on board with this whole wedding thing and at first, I wanted to run off and elope. I've finally been convinced to throw the wedding I never thought I wanted, and so now I'm busy planning an intimate September wedding filled with DIY details. Along the way, I'm slowly learning to appreciate, perhaps even love the wedding planning process.
And no, I’m not talking about Mr. Parasol. I’m still shout-it-from-the-mountains-smooshy-face in love with him.
**Just to clarify: this post is in no way anti-name changing. I truly admire all of you women and men who are excited about and follow through with the process of changing your last name, and to be honest, I’m a bit jealous!
Some of you may remember my name change post from a while back, where I wrote about why Mr. Parasol and I decided to take each other’s last names. A lot of careful thought and discussion went into this decision, and we were excited about sharing a hyphenated last name.
We’ve now been married for about a month and a half, and unlike Mrs. Cannon, Mr. Parasol and I haven’t begun the process of officially changing our last names. And we currently have no plans to do so.
At first, we both had a “We’ll deal with that later” attitude towards officially changing our names. I don’t know about you, but given the choice between dealing with various government entities and not dealing with said entities, I always choose not. Besides, like most twenty-first century newlyweds, we changed our names on Facebook, and we used our new last name socially, so we figured there was no rush to make things official. Apparently we Parasols are lazy. But as the weeks ticked by, I started to feel uncomfortable with the idea of our new last name, and I realized that there was more than laziness behind my nonchalance about legally changing our names. Read more…
Ms. Ferris Wheel, San FranciscoAge and Occupation: 29, PsychologistFiance's Age and Occupation: 27, PsychologistEngagement Date: May 23 and 28, 2010 (one for each of us!)Wedding Date: November 2011Venue: Parc55 Hotel (city lights ceremony, ballroom reception)About Me: Born in the Southeast, educated in the Northeast, and over-educated on the West Coast, I finally earned my city-girl credentials and have put down roots in gorgeous San Francisco. I’m a raging perfectionist with a lightning quick wit and a terrible sense of both time and direction. Our wedding task list is endlessly growing because of my predilection to think that DIY projects I can make = DIY projects I should make (so not true!). I always go to bed wishing there were more hours in the day to enjoy all the things I adore, whether that be hobbies, friends, my career, our two dogs, or Mr. Ferris Wheel. Ours is a story of a non-traditional couple living an oddly traditional life planning a not-so-traditional wedding in this city we adore. Together we are bustin’ out all of our best skills (and some of our worst ones) to plan a laid-back-chic DIY-craftastic love-alicious affair!
Yep, today Mr. FW and I made the arduous ten minute trek to City Hall, and we completed the shockingly easy task of applying for a marriage license. As we walked up the front steps of the building I recalled that the last time I was actually inside the City Hall rotunda was a few years ago when one of my friends married his husband during the brief period of time when gay marriage was legal in California. On that day the entire building was full of lights, cameras, press members, happy couples, and excited guests. But today the place was silent, with only our voices echoing off the marble. Read more…
Mrs. Magic, Chapel Hill, NCAge and Occupation: 30, Licensed Clinical Social WorkerFiance's Age and Occupation: 30, ResearcherEngagement Date: December 1, 2009Wedding Date: October 2011Venue: Barn at ValhallaAbout Me: I’m a tall drink of water (5’10”!) and a Southern bride with an enormous appetite for Mexican food, good deals, anything French, and all things wedding! By day I am lucky enough to work with individuals with autism and their families. By night, I’m even luckier to be able to spend time hanging out with awesome friends, crafting, shopping, thinking about exercising, and kicking it with Mr. Magic and our two cats. I tend to have sudden, intense cravings that will not be denied (seafood enchiladas! new jeans!) and I’m prone to being a disorganized mess of anxiety and stress. After waiting (and waiting!) to get engaged, I am finally planning the colorful, fun, fabulously awesome Fall wedding of our dreams. In an effort to share the fun and craziness that is wedding planning, I’m gonna blog about it for y’all---the good, the bad, and the pretty!
But, on the eve of the day when Mr. Magic and I will go to the courthouse to get our marriage license, I realize that while I might have a lot of first-world problems, there is one problem I don’t have—and that’s getting legally married.
Mrs. Cannon, Toledo, OHAge and Occupation: 27, Financial AnalystFiance's Age and Occupation: 28, AssemblerEngagement Date: February 28, 2011Wedding Date: September 2011Venue: Epworth UMC & Ward PavilionAbout Me: I'm the curious combination of being a go-with-the-flow, laid back, obsessive planner. I try desperately to stay as busy as possible at all times (and am succeeding big time right now!) My biggest loves in life are Law & Order: SVU, Community (the show, not the concept, although I like that, too), ice cream, white cheddar popcorn, beer, hiking, knitting, decorating, writing, being outside, spending time with friends and family and musical theater. Mr. Cannon is pretty sweet, too. We've had a lot of fun traveling and having adventures all over the country, but have finally moved back near our hometown to settle down. We're planning a low-key, colorful, fun wedding and an awesome-to-the-max reception.
I didn’t post about whether or not I was changing my name because it wasn’t really a part of my wedding planning. I had already decided back when we gave Cherry Bomb a last name what I would be doing with my last name when we got married—I was changing it. There are a lot of reasons to change it and a lot of reasons not to, and my reason was simple—I didn’t care. I don’t have any great published works or career motivations to keep it. I’m not overly attached to it. I have a brother with two sons to “carry on the family name.” It didn’t really matter to me one way or another if I changed my name, and I think it did matter to Mr. Cannon. Would he have been upset if I didn’t change my name? No. Is he happy I’m changing? I think so. I also think it just makes it easier for people to know how to address us, and the whole family has the same last name. So, my real reason for changing is everyone else’s convenience. What a people pleaser. Plus, I think I always imagined I would take my husband’s name. And I’m happy to do it.
So today I started the name change process. Well, I guess I started it after the wedding when I changed my name on Facebook. If only the rest of the changes were that easy!
But that’s not to say the rest of it has been that hard. Read more…
Mrs. Ladyfingers, Saint Petersburg, FLAge and Occupation: 30, Marketing ManagerFiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Sports WriterEngagement Date: December 24, 2010Wedding Date: November 2011Venue: Palma Sola Botanical ParkAbout Me: I hail from Oklahoma, he was born and raised in Long Island. Fate brought us together, and now we live in a cute little rental house with our nutty dog, and our aloof cat. We both love to read, watch movies, explore our town, and laugh like hyenas. When I’m not obsessively wedding crafting, I enjoy stalking style and decorating blogs, making collages and painting, napping, thrifting, rearranging our bookshelves, and being a total weirdo with my friends. Hi!
Mrs. Skunk, AtlantaAge and Occupation: 23, Post baccalaureate studentFiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Mechanical DesignerEngagement Date: February 13, 2011Wedding Date: November 2011Venue: Neverland Farms About Me: I’m a Georgia peach born and raised in the dirty dirty. I love reading, baking lots of sweets and forcing them on my friends, and most of all, rock climbing. I am in the process of applying to graduate school in physical therapy and I work at farmers’ markets around town selling bread for a local bakery. The mister and I met while rock climbing just over two years ago and have been inseparable ever since. Our climbing friends mean the world to us and have played an integral role in our relationship. We’re planning a barnyard shindig filled with good food, good friends, and lots of love.
Mr. Skunk and I believe that all people should have the right to marry. We understand that everyone has different beliefs so we don’t want to rub anyone the wrong way, but it’s still important to us to do something on our day to support marriage equality. So likemanybees before us, we’re going to have a small bowl of White Knots on a small table with a little explanation for guests to take if they feel inclined.
Miss Fox, Washington DC/Havre de Grace, MDAge and Occupation: 26, Massage TherapistFiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Field Support EngineerEngagement Date: April 18, 2010Wedding Date: June 2012Venue: Vandiver InnAbout Me: I’m a dancer turned massage therapist who was born and raised in New York. Alas, true love has brought me “south” where I still maintain my penchants for pretty shoes, wine, crossword puzzles, cherry blossoms, and the Mets. I own more sunglasses than a normal person should and don’t eat red meat (though I make up for it by eating my weight in sushi). I tend to be a big planner who likes to get things started early, but generally end up being indecisive and procrastinating when it comes down to it. I have a (not so) secret crush on Chris Carrabba, but my loyalty and love ultimately goes to the future hubs, of course! Together, my Foxy man and I love to discuss (read: debate) politics and current events, have Mario Kart and Scrabble duels, and just laugh. A lot. We’re hoping and planning for a laid back, fun, summery, rustic vibe to our June wedding that will be genuinely “us” – that is, if we finally make some decisions. Huzzah!
So this is completely random and not so much wedding related, but about a year ago Mr. Foxy and I reached a new level in our relationship. We took the big leap…into domestic partnership! (Cue applause.)
We decided that since I would be going from a desk job with good health insurance to one as a massage therapist with likely little or no health insurance, we’d add me to Foxy’s plan through his job. In order to do so (and since we aren’t getting married for another eight-plus months), we had to fill out this fun little form:
Miss Warbler, Long Beach/MalibuAge and Occupation: 24, Quality Assurance EditorFiance's Age and Occupation: 32, Handheld AdministratorEngagement Date: December 7, 2010Wedding Date: April 2012Venue: Calamigos Ranch MalibuAbout Me: I’m a Korean BBQ loving, cheesecake enthusiast bride living in the LBC! By day I write and edit for an online search engine marketing company. By night I am a volunteer food taster of all that is delicious. I am fortunate to be marrying an amazing man who loves me and my quirky ways. I love food, books, indie music, and Harry Potter. We are planning a small, intimate wedding up in the Malibu Hills with our closest family and friends. With the help of my wonderful fiance, our loved ones, and red velvet cheesecake, our wedding will be glorious!
All-Inclusion Invitation Suites
