Weddingbee Blog

Money. The most dreaded topic.

What to do with our finances after we officially become Mr. and Mrs.? I’m an independent contractor, meaning that I don’t get a regular paycheck, but work job to job. So for tax purposes, I keep close tabs on my business expenses, and have 2 separate bank accounts, one business and one personal. I only transfer money into my personal account to cover my minimum personal expenses, and leave the majority “pool” of money I have in my business account. Long story short, a joint checking account would be really unfair to Mr. Penguin, because he would deposit ALL the money he makes into the account, while I would deposit a minimum amount to cover my personal credit card.

Lately, not having combined accounts has really gotten on my nerves. Now that we cohabitate, I’m sick of deciding who pays for groceries, who pays for dinner, who pays for plants, furniture, ANYTHING. It’s not even a “50/50″ thing, because neither of us care about who’s paying more or less, its more of deciding who has more money on hand at that particular moment. And after 2 years, it’s getting exhausting.

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I’ve been reminding (ahem, nagging) Mr. Kiwi to get his suit. With 36 days to go, we kind of need to get going on that. I wasn’t worried about my dad’s suit- he’s pretty easy to size off the rack. Mr. Kiwi, on the other hand, is a XXXL size, and about 6’2″, with thighs (muscular) the size of hams. I call them his “foghorn leghorns”, in reference to the Looney Toons character.

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Last night I had a dream that Mr. Peony and I were on our honeymoon and having the time of our lives. When I woke up, I couldn’t help but be sad…..because we had just recently decided that we will not be going on a honeymoon.

When I first started budgeting for our wedding, I was taking national averages of vendor costs. It never occurred to me that a New York wedding would cost so much more. Some of the things we’re doing, such as the charter bus to and from the reception, are not necessary but I really want it as a courtesy to our many guests who are arriving from all over the world.

In addition, Mr. Peony and I just signed a contract for a condo! I honestly did not think we would find something we both love this fast. The rest of the nation may be in a real estate recession, but the NYC area is still red-hot. We knew that if we didn’t grab it, we wouldn’t be able to find anything comparable for a long time.

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Commenter Red had a good point about how most brides exceeded their initial budgets in our Real Reader Budgets post earlier today.  So we’d like to know how much your budget has changed from your initial estimate, to what it is now (mid or post planning).

Yesterday I accompanied Mr. Kiwi to the bank, for the reason of it being air-conditioned and banky-smelling. I have a weird love for the smells of places: banks, bookstores, laundromats. Anyway, after he made his deposit, we started walking out, and I asked him when he’d like to open our joint accounts.

All along, we figured we’d have a joint checking and savings. As of right now, I have a checking and savings account, and my IRA account. Mr. Kiwi also has a checking and savings account, as well as a credit union designed for teachers. If we were to also open at least one joint checking, we’d have a combined total of 7 accounts. That’s just crazy, right?

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An email we received yesterday:

I think it would be a refreshing change of pace to see a bride with the ability to spend on a whim, at least in regards to her wedding. I have yet to see one on weddingbee. Indeed, plenty of brides don’t have hundreds of thousands of dollars to spend on weddings but, plenty of them do. Many people aren’t DIY-inclined and aren’t forced by monetary constraints to be so. It’s frustrating as a daily bee reader and archiver peruser to only see conversations about how to save and what to scrimp. 

Please don’t get me wrong and think I’m implying that there is anything wrong with being resourceful or spending less.  I enjoyed immensely reading about DIY and money saving ideas/tips, but that isn’t a reality for everyone and I believe that this site could ultimately be more useful if it catered to the bride with a larger, even significantly larger spending budget.

We’ve actually had several bees with very large budgets (as well as bees with smaller budgets and most with “average” budgets), but it may not have been apparent because we usually tread very carefully around the topic of money.  Nothing gets people more riled up than budgets/money, so we try to be really cautious when those subjects come up.

One of the most common requests we get is to feature more budget weddings and ideas, but we’d love to include big budget weddings as well.   While budgets certainly affect wedding planning, we’d like to think that most of the stories and experiences shared on Weddingbee are something that all brides can relate to.

Please let us know what you think - would you like to see big budget brides on weddingbee?

There was a post on Gothamist yesterday about the NY Sun’s article on how bachelorette parties have turned so extravagant that friends have to pitch in hundreds or thousands of dollars to fly to a destination party, stay at a hotel, buy expensive dinners/spa treatments, etc. I’m sure that doesn’t come as much of a surprise to most of us, but the tone of the article was one of distinct resentment (I thought). Of course we all, as brides, try our best not to force the bridesmaids buy the $600 dress, and try to accommodate close friends and family with difficult financial situations, but it can still hurt to hear that someone can’t/won’t/isn’t willing to come to your bachelorette or even your wedding… regardless of how valid their reason is. It always feels like if they really wanted to, couldn’t they find some way to make it work?

That said… I’m also sure that many of us have also been in the opposite position. How much does it suck when you really do want to do something but can’t afford it/get time off work/whatever? Do you resent the bride for implicitly making you feel guilty, even if she’s nice and seemingly understanding about it?

Poll time! [assume that the bride and/or groom in question is a very close friend or family member]

Yick, I hate that money is ever an issue for anything, but it unfortunately is. How are you handling relative wealth disparities between you and your bridal party/family? Have you ever given or received money to be able to attend a wedding event?

As a way to save more money, Mr. Kiwi and I have given up our Disneyland season tickets. The couple of hundreds of dollars will be better used at part of my dress deposit, or twice the floral deposit. So when I think of it that way, it’s okay.

Even though I hadn’t really gone to Disneyland that much before Mr. Kiwi, I now have this sense of longing when I see anything Disney related. I suppose this is silly, and I honestly can’t fathom missing something this much, but I do. I can’t explain it. If I truly think about it, it could be because we went there in the first month of dating, and throughout the time we had our passports (what season tickets are called) our relationship grew into love. I can almost see a progression of our relationship in the park.

My first trip to Disney was a gift from my late grandma. She bought our family season tickets when I was seven. Luckily, at that time my parents still liked each other, and it was such a happy visit - despite the rain. All my memories of Disneyland are great, and mean so much to me.

I sound like such a martyr, don’t I? “I gave up tickets to Disneyland for my WEDDING.” Boo hoo.. Cry me a river.

Anyway, I assume a lot of us have given up something for our weddings - how about you?

Hi,

Thanks.

GB

Mrs. Bee here.

Real Simple Magazine’s monthly question in the most recent issue is “What’s the most surprising financial advice you’ve ever received?” One of the featured answers was wedding related:

Pennies, nickels, dimes, or quarters - hold on to your change. In just two years, I accumulated enough to pay for a nice chunk of my wedding.

In what ways have you and your SO cut back or found ways to save money towards your wedding?

Ladies,

I am proud of all of our commitments to be financially savvy! I received several emails asking more about the planner we use and how the whole process works, so I thought I would post a little more about her services specifically.

She does all levels of financial planning from the first time someone ever meets with a planner, to managing millions of dollars.

She makes money when you make money. Basically, the companies that provide you, her client, with life insurance, health insurance, mutual funds, etc, pay her to help you get organized and go with their company. She is a broker and can work with any different company offering these services, but she works primarily with Northwestern Mutual. You do not pay her anything! She makes her money from the mutual fund/stock/insurance companies.

She is fabulous and works with several young ambitious women. She is also doing the financial aspect of my business planning.

If you are interested in learning more you can email her (Mali) at mali.phonpadith@nmfn.com

Happy Planning

Mr. Raspberry and I just finished our financial planning for the next couple of years. We have a financial planner we work with who manages our health and life insurance policies, and helps us manage our money and save for the future.

Specifically, she has changed my life insurance to partial whole life, started a life insurance policy for Mr. Raspberry, changed my health insurance policy, and finally got a budget in place for us. We really want to buy a house within 4 years, and real estate is so expensive in DC. She was able to put a budget in place that will allow us to afford it in 4 years!

We felt it was really important to get everything in place before the wedding because we want to feel secure, and not worry about the future not being taken care of.

Are you and your SO doing anything to plan for your financial future, either before your wedding or for the new year?

Last March, when we first got engaged, I figured I’d have a ton saved for our wedding, no problem. The problem? I don’t have a ton saved. (Since you can’t see me, my head is hanging in shame).

While I never thought I’d get funding from my parents for the wedding (nor did I expect it), I also never thought it would be this hard to save enough money. Sure we have ten months left, but I feel like a loser. Mr. Kiwi, while having a job that pays more, has saved way more than I have. I know it’s not a contest, but I feel like I’m not pulling my own weight here. To be frank, it’s depressing me. Mr. Kiwi said to not let it bother me, we’ll save enough, but what if we don’t? We can most likely ask some family for some help if it comes to it, but I don’t want it to come to that, ya know?

The whole point to actually having a wedding and not just running off to Vegas is to prove that we’re adults and can put on a whole wedding by ourselves. If we have to ask for financial help, we’ve failed in that. I know this is utterly petty, but dropping over ten grand on one day just floors me. I’m torn because I want a wedding, I really do; but I also worry every day about saving. Some days I decide to go without lunch because 1.) forgot to bring something and 2.) my penny-pinching mind won’t let me spend the 7 dollars on lunch. When I do get something, I feel guilty.

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A few months after we got enagaged, I moved in with my FI. One of the biggest topics that was brought up, was how we would share the expenses. We decided that we would open up a joint checking account to pay for the living expenses and a joint savings as well, because we were planning to pay for the wedding ourselves. Aside from that, we were also maintaining our own personal checking and savings accounts each.

Most importantly, it was very imperative to find a savings account with a high interest rate to get the most bang for our money. Every month after all the living expenses were paid, we would try to dump as much money as possible into our wedding savings. This past weekend we did a brief analysis of how much we have been putting into our wedding savings since we opened the account, and we were pleasantly surprised. We then did a brief analysis of our projected savings (yes, we are geeks. FI even suggested we a graph, but I vetoed this idea :P) by the time of the wedding and I’m proud to say that we are right on target.

What kind of options do you have as far as saving money for the wedding? Well it all depends on how much time you have from now until your wedding and also your current financial institution. Some will not allow you to open a Savings, or CD without an active Checking.

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I’m a money cruncher. I love to break everything down to the last penny. So the budgets, forecasting, analyzing of m-o-n-e-y for the wedding is really fun for me. Strange, I know.

Like most brides out there I’ve been using excel spreadsheets to keep track of all of my credit card purchases, vendor payment schedules, small online purchases, and for budgeting purposes. I’ve been pretty good about not charging too much and buying only necessary items, but now that it’s crunch time (about 5 months left until the wedding), the credit card charges are becoming more frequent and it’s making me a little nervous.

Up until now, my excel spreadsheets have been great but I’m sure there are better programs out there. Does anyone know of good programs for brides who are struggling to keep up with wedding related bookkeeping?