Weddingbee Blog

I know I have us all prepped up for photo-filled recaps, but it occurred to me as I was falling asleep last night (and after watching the first 50 episodes of How I Met Your Mother in a week) that I told you how we met and how we got engaged, but I never filled you all in on the bits in the middle and it’s the bit in the middle that make us different.

So let’s go back to that magical spring back in 2006 when the Baconator and I first started our romance in London. We wined, we dined, we explored, we traveled, we watched a lot of movies on my laptop… then after four months of easy, romantic-comedy dating we broke up. The Baconator is from Illinois and went to college in Indiana, I am from Minnesota and went to college in Washington, DC, so when I asked what was to happen to us when we went back to the US, he said he assumed we’d break up. There was no big blow out fight, no yelling and screaming, no tears (in front of each other, at least); in fact, it was a neat and tidy logical break up.

He reasoned that we were both really involved on our respective campuses, we have no future plans of living in the same place ever, and if we break up when we leave England, this whole relationship would be a perfect memory. I had to agree with him—I was an active member of my sorority, active in the student programming board, taking more than a full workload of classes, I had an internship and a waitressing job. Where was I going to have the time to maintain a long distance relationship?

I definitely didn’t have the time, but I loved this guy, didn’t I?
Read more…

People change and it sucks.

My philosophy on this has been to say, oh well, que Sera. But, things get fishy when the person who is changing is someone you asked to be a bridesmaid.

She doesn’t know about this blog, but even if she did there’s absolutely nothing I could say here that she doesn’t already know or I haven’t already said to her. Hence my reasoning for writing about this out in the open instead of anonymously. I’m a pretty open person, and I’m sure there are a few of you battling a similar issue. So, no, I’m not trying to hang out my dirty laundry to dry, but I have no problem getting REAL.

When I asked this friend to be a bridesmaid, what feels like a century ago, I had no reason to think that things would change so drastically. I’ve known this particular bridesmaid—let’s call her “Mia” (for M.I.A. that is)—since high school. We stayed close through college and post-college, but somewhere between my engagement and hers things shifted.
Read more…

Mr. PF and I have been living together for three out of the five  years of our relationship. I can honestly say that when we first moved in together, I didn’t have marriage anywhere on my mind.

I know a lot of people have rules about at least being engaged before they move in with their man, but a lot of my friends were living with their guys and I didn’t really see anything wrong with it. At the time, it was the right thing for us to do. We were both relocating from Austin and it just didn’t make sense for us to be in a serious relationship and living in separate spots in a new city.

I was chatting with one of my friends the other day and she was telling me about how she and her fiance have never lived together and how she feels like she is doing something wrong. She had been getting a lot of bad feedback about how she will be in for a rude awakening when they start living together, but I actually really admire the way she is going about things. She and her FI love each other very much and they obviously know that marriage is hard, but they are confident in their love to make it through the hard times whether they have lived together before or not.

Back in the day, that’s the way people did things.
Read more…

Mr. Hyena and I had always intended to combine our bank accounts after the wedding. At that point, it seemed like a “what’s mine is yours” situation—there was no legitimate reason to not combine accounts.

Except that we got married almost eight months ago and never got around to merging anything before now. We knew that it was something we both wanted. It would allow our household to run more efficiently and allow us to take control of our future in a more proactive way.

And yet I cried on the way to the bank, clinging to my measly checking account tighter than Gollum’s grip on the Ring.

No! You cannot have the Precious!

Image via Fanpop

It’s been quite difficult for me to reconcile that what’s mine really is ours.
Read more…

While I was finishing our seating chart for our wedding reception, I noticed that there was a glaring absence: A, one of my dearest friends. If I were having a bridal party, he would have been one of the first people I asked to stand on my side. He is truly a “man of honor.” Anyway, A sent back his RSVP to our wedding with regrets. I just gotta say: I am incredibly, totally, completely bummed about this.

I met A at the University of Chicago in 2004. We struck up a conversation in Colloquium, the department’s mandatory first-year course, and realized that we had many of the same thoughts and beliefs about books. We also realized that we both lived in the same graduate housing building. We spent a lot of time in each other’s apartments that year — so much so that we moved in together the next year.

Both of us at the bean (the first time A met Mr. Mole!)

Meeting A (as well as my friend K) was one of the greatest highlights of my grad school experience. He is brilliant and kind and funny and supportive and passionate. Part of his passion, though, is what is preventing him from coming to Vegas.

Read more…

One of the things I’m looking forward to the most post-wedding is finally being able to share an address with Mr. Opossum. I can’t wait to start fresh together and be able to organize, decorate, and make decisions about our home together as a team. I’m probably not going to know what to do with all the time I now spend commuting back and forth between our respective homes.

Many other bees have addressed this topic in the past very eloquently (including Mrs. Snow Cone, Miss Aardvark, Miss Porcupine, and Mrs. Dumpling). Before I move forward with this post, I’d like to put it out there that I pass zero judgment on any couples who make a decision to live together before marriage. Every couple is different and what works for some won’t necessarily work for others. Not living together has actually worked out great for us personally for several reasons…some of them being more complicated than others.

The main reason we haven’t lived together is that we haven’t really had the chance to live together. I’m from Tallahassee (home of Florida State University), but I was “traitor” and ended up attending The University of Florida in Gainesville, about a two-and-a-half-hour drive from my parents’ home. Mr. Opossum and I spent four years commuting back and forth. Even though it wasn’t a long drive, it was difficult enough trying to manage jobs and schoolwork while traveling as many weekends as possible. Living together just wasn’t an option.

Read more…

Both of my parents liked Mr. Mole from the very beginning. They liked him for the same reasons that I did: he is incredibly caring, considerate, and supportive (plus a whole long list of other admirable qualities). Of course, they also liked him because he made me happy. Yet during the holidays, I was able to see how much they love him — and not just as my future husband but as their own son.

Seeing this subtle shift in the relationships between Mr. Mole and my parents made me think about the way that the relationship between Mr. Mole and me is about to change. Now, I know that to some extent that a legal marriage is no more than paperwork. I can’t imagine that I will love Mr. Mole any more just because I signed my name to the marriage license. I can’t imagine that either of us will change in the way we act, talk, sleep, eat, do the dishes, etc., now that we are called husband or wife. Nothing fundamental will change. But I also have to acknowledge that there is a great deal of symbolic value tied up in these legal categories (something that just makes the bans of gay marriage in many states and countries even more problematic and unfair). This symbolism may very well affect the way that we feel or think about ourselves as a couple.
Read more…

So how does it feel planning a same-sex wedding in Alberta? It can feel a little strange at times! Alberta is known as the “Texas of the North,” and we Albertans really do live up to that reputation. We’re very conservative, we hunt, we drill oil, and we have cowboys. When we visit Fiancée Eagle’s dad, he regularly serves us homemade deer and elk stew…from the last weekend’s hunting trip. We’re a little country.

Image via Unique Cake Toppers

So how have the reactions been to our same-sex wedding? As I said in my last post, our venue was awesome and supportive upfront, there were no issues.

Read more…

Wedding planning is one of the greatest times in our lives. We are busy running errands with all our bridesmaids every weekend, there are champagne brunches in our honor, and non-stop fun. But what happens when your bridesmaids, your bestest friends, live more than two hours away from you? You do that shit alone. Except maybe the party thing—I haven’t thrown a party for myself in my honor… yet.

Picture via Identity Magazine

I’m sure a lot of us are in the same situation.
Read more…

I know this topic has been discussed many times on the ’Bee (most recently by Miss Fox), but for some reason it still has a stigma attached to it, so I figured I’d throw in my experience…

In the months leading up to my engagement, I began spending a lot of time with a very good friend of mine. We had been close for years and even lived together previously, but at this point we became inseparable. From after-work happy hours to Saturday-afternoon shopping trips, we spent nearly all our free time together. So when Mr. Hawk and I announced our engagement, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind who I wanted to be my MOH. We were thrilled, and she began excitedly planning the bachelorette party and other fun activities; however, it wasn’t long afterward that things greatly changed in her life.

She broke up with her serious boyfriend and moved out of the house they shared together. She moved in with Mr. Hawk and me for several weeks until she could find a new home, and she was surprisingly upbeat and optimistic. But once she moved into her new apartment things shifted. We had a pretty big difference of opinion on something, and it created a large wedge between us. During this time, I think we both felt abandoned, and we rarely spoke to one another. Our lack of relationship during that time was not at all wedding related, but was even more glaringly obvious because of all the planning I was doing without her.

Read more…

I realize that title can have approximately 27 meanings, but here’s the one I’m talking about:

Foxy and I have made the decision to go to a combo of premarital and couples’ counseling. The former for obvious reasons, and the latter because of certain issues and differences that we feel we need to work on—namely, communication. The best and worst thing about the two of us is that we are so different, yet so similar, especially when it comes to our stubbornness. Throw in a minor disagreement, and you can potentially have the recipe for disaster (or just a really big blowout for no real reason). Hence, couples’ counseling.

We had our first session this past Monday, and while I went in nervous, I left with an overwhelming feeling of hopefulness and anticipation. Part of that excitement, if you will, came from our first “homework assignment” - to buy, read, and implement strategies from the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

Image via The 5 Love Languages

Have you heard of this book? It’s been on my “must buy/read” list for a few years now, as I’ve had many a (bloggy) friend rave about and review it.
Read more…

For children who are lucky enough, a visit to Disney World is an amazing experience. You find yourself in “The Happiest Place on Earth,” surrounded by more stimuli than you could possibly handle.

If you’re a princess lover, you have Cinderella’s Castle and all the Disney heroines from your favorite films. A pirate at heart? Swashbuckler Johnny Depp is not too far away. For the thrill seekers, Space Mountain takes you on a ride in the dark. I could go on, but you get my point.

And I haven’t even acknowledged all the opportunities that exist to open your wallet once you pass through the turnstiles—silly hats (see below), any stuffed animal you could dream of, and treats ranging from huge (no, really huge) turkey legs to popcorn to ice cream in the shape of the park’s iconic mouse.

My first trip to Disney. And my first silly hat.

I should know. I have probably eaten five times my weight in Mickey on a stick (ice cream), could pay for a full year of college by selling my old stuffed animals on eBay, and have hats ranging from Goofy to Daisy Duck. And that’s just me…I have a brother, too. I have been to Disney more times than years I’ve been alive. Personally, I believe this puts me in the running for luckiest (twentysomething) kid on the planet. However, the best part of each visit isn’t just the chance to act like the sum of my age digits but rather the chance to spend time with my family and soak up the positive energy and “happiness” that exists at Disney World.

I know what you’re thinking…this is a wedding blog—why wax poetic about Mickey Mouse?
Read more…

I’ve already mentioned some ways Mr. Hawk and I are different. (Like I’m a crier and he’s pretty unemotional. I can be a gut-feel gal, and he likes the cold hard facts.) But the reality is that those differences are just the tip of the iceberg with us. I’d even venture to say that we are more different then we’re alike in a lot of ways.

Mr. H and I grew up very differently. We come from different ethnic backgrounds, different socioeconomic backgrounds, and different lifestyles. Mr. Hawk was one of four children and spent most of his adolescence living out in the country (the sticks!). I was pretty darn spoiled, being an only child most of my life. Growing up I moved around quite a bit. From Arizona to Virginia to Texas to Tennessee and back to Virginia, I never really had a “hometown.”

In fact, our differences were so blatantly obvious that when Mr. H and I first started officially dating, I received a lot faux-pleasant “oh really?”s. (The Southern equivalent of “no effin’ way!”) I heard whispers (not always so quietly) from friends. None of the talk had anything to do with friends disliking one of us—I think we just really took everyone by surprise. They didn’t picture us together.

Read more…

Before I was engaged, I heard time and time again that brides and grooms get in tons of arguments during wedding planning. Apparently you’re supposed to plan “wedding free” date nights where you’re not allowed to mention the wedding (uh, not even once…?) and give your guy a free pass to not give a damn about wedding planning because, after all, it’s your day. It’s your special day.

Image via AedrielOriginals on Etsy

I think I need this so I can remind people what friggin’ day it friggin’ is.

I figured Mr. Unicycle and I would end up fighting about this eventually, since we fight about pretty much everything, but I really couldn’t visualize what these fights would sound like. How could people argue about wonderful things like poufy dresses and cake flavors? Would he put up his dukes when I suggested something outlandish like lavender-flavored cake? Would I slap him around when he insisted on red velvet?

Read more…

Unlike some people, I was never one to plan or even think about my future wedding before I was engaged. Sure, I knew I would probably have a ball planning a wedding if I ever did get engaged, but I figured I’d leave all the prep work until that moment. I specifically remember one night in college when my girlfriends were going around the table, announcing what their wedding colors will be and what kind of wedding and bridesmaid dresses they would eventually have. Please keep in mind, we were all very, very single at time. So when it was my turn to talk, I just laughed and said, “who the hell knows, but I really like turquoise.”  They looked at me all crazy-like (HOW could I NOT know that yet?!). And thus ended my “pre-planning.”

Well, sort of. There was one thing that I did have a very strong opinion on at the time, but it didn’t quite fit in with all the girly talk going on. I knew that, when I eventually walked down the aisle, it would be with either both my parents, or just me. I still hold to that decision.

In a nutshell, as a child of divorced parents, I did a lot of traveling back and forth from one to the other. I lived with both of them at certain points, and both have had a great influence on how I was brought up and on who I am today.
Read more…