Getting married means starting a new life together, leaving the past in the past. As you go through your things with your fiancé to combine households, you suddenly find out he keeps photos of his old girlfriends. He swears he never looks through the photos and just has them for sentimental value. For some couples this could be a huge red flag, while for other couples pictures are just pictures. Hopefully, this is a chance for both of you to grow closer while talking about past relationships.
The past may be in the past, but we grow into the people we are today because of that journey. Your fiancé’s old girlfriends are just part of the journey. He might not even think to look into that box of photos, but if he does, there may be a reason. He may just feel nostalgic going through the photos seeing pictures of them in college or at a friend’s wedding. He may not really even “see” her in the photos, but feel the experience.
Keeping old photos of his girlfriends could mean he has a back-up plan. He would probably never admit it, but that lingering “what might’ve been” might just be in the back of his mind if this doesn’t work out. You don’t want to think about it or even talk about it, but your mind is already reeling. A fiancé with a track record of cheating isn’t to be trusted until those photos are thrown out and burned.
A Picture Is Just a Picture
Some brides-to-be could care less there are photos of some girl in a box. They know their fiancé broke up with that ex- for a reason, so a picture is just a picture. They simply close the box, put it on a high shelf in the back of a closet, and forget about it. If their fiancés go searching for it and pull it down to go through the photos, that’s another story.
Talk About It
Most future brides won’t be thrilled at the thought of old girlfriends hanging around in pictures. Your fiancé might not even think about having the old photos. The photos may have been stashed in a drawer and he didn’t even realize they were still there. All you have to do is talk about it. Marriage is about communication, so simply ask him why he has the photos, and if you really hate the photos, ask him to throw them away. The only way you’re going to open the lines of communication before you flip out and burn the photos is to tell him it bothers you.
There might be other things you learn about each other that turns out to be a surprise. It’s not usually as bad as it might seem. Take a step back and look at things with a little perspective. Are a few old photos worth making a big deal about? Maybe they are, but mostly likely it is just a sentimental memory from the distant past, and nothing to worry about. They key thing is for both of you to talk about it and not let resentment build up over something that may not be very significant. Don’t worry, it gets easier with practice!