Wedding planning is often so stressful you forget about the relationship at the root of all the planning. You can be the most organized planner alive, with your budgets in line, the bridal party ready to report at any time, and a list of vendors and half a dozen backups, but what you don’t realize is that problems will still crop up. There’s way too many decisions to be made and everything pushes that perfect budget. During my planning, the wedding was all I could talk about. My fiance might as well have been my brother as I pushed his playful banter aside to discuss reception tablecloths. It’s so important to leave the stress and craziness behind whenever possible to remember the real reason you are getting married and why you love them so much. Keeping the love during wedding planning can be tough, but it isn’t impossible.
Set aside a night every week where it’s all about your relationship. Go out to dinner, enjoy a movie, go skating, or just play a board game. Do anything that does not involve wedding planning. Don’t even talk about the wedding because you’ll soon be going down the same road of discussing tablecloths and the seating chart. Odds are that you probably discuss the wedding every other night anyway, so it’s time you spend a few hours focusing one another. Date night gives you the time to remember why you love one another so much and why you’re getting married in the first place.
Talk through areas of the planning that are giving each of you stress. Your fiance may be worried about the music while you are more worried about the menu. Pent-up worries can lead a big blow up or meltdown where you end up screaming at your fiance for no reason. Stop the yelling before it starts by talking through issues. Ask one another the most important parts of the wedding to them. Focus on these by putting the most time and effort into them as a couple. This will help each of you feel a lot better about the upcoming event as a whole and while hopefully clear the air of some of your tensions.
Don’t Live In the Gray Area
The engagement area is the gray area of a relationship. There’s the time of dating where you’re happily in a relationship then poof! You’re married. Enjoy being engaged and don’t let this time become a hazy blur. If you let the wedding take over your entire life and relationship, you lose this part of the journey to husband and wife. You will continue to grow and learn about yourself and your relationship through every period of your life, including this one. Listen a little more and ask even more so you use this time to strengthen your relationship even more. Talk about your future, but live in the moment.
Spend Time Apart
It may sound crazy to spend time with others since you’re supposed to be uniting as one, but it’s very important to nurture your friendships. Go out with your friends; let your fiance have a night at a bar or club. If you absorb every single minute together, you may want to kill one another by the wedding. You need to have your time and remember you are still an individual even when you get married. You are uniting as one, but you aren’t changing your entire personality. Your friends also need to feel as if you’ll still be the same once you’ve tied the knot because you should be. Everyone wins and you get some time to vent.
Don’t Call All the Shots
Many brides figure they’ve been planning for their wedding day their entire lives, so they take over every decision to ensure it’s their fairy tale wedding. They forget that their fiance is there for anything more than looking pretty and signing the marriage license. This can make your fiance feel distant and like he has no say in his own wedding. Don’t let this get in the way of your relationship. Let him make some choices even if it pains you. This is the 21st century and you’re in this together after all! I loathed the wedding shoes my husband chose for his groomsmen, but he was so excited. I shut my eyes and said, “Yay, they’re perfect.” After the wedding when looking at pictures I can just smile knowing how much he loved those ugly shoes. They didn’t ruin the wedding, life went on, and it made him happy just to choose shoes. Odds are, your fiance might not care about the difference between blush and pink, but ask before you dive in to making every decision on your own.
Just Have Fun
Have a good time together, laughing and talking. Do silly things like play in puddles after a rainstorm, play a video game against one another, or sing karaoke on open mic night. While many weddings take a lot of time and effort to plan, you need to take a break from stressing to just enjoy life. You can even laugh at yourselves for stressing so much over the little things. Take it back to the first few weeks of your relationship when you were just in love and happy without any worries.