Learning to Embrace Your Kinky Side

Shocked woman

How do you go about talking about the things that turn you on? It’s not easy discussing sex. Many of us were brought up not to talk about it and were taught not to enjoy it at all. If you did, you were considered loose.

But, it’s the 21st century; men and women have opened their eyes and more willingly embrace what turns them on. We are using more implements to bring our bodies to the peak of sexual satisfaction, whether they be toys, different positions while having sex, or even going as far as experimenting in new areas like BDSM (bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, sadism, masochism—the acronym is now used as a catch-all phrase for a wide variety of activities).

So, how do you go about embracing your kinky side?

Learn Yourself

The first thing you need to do is decide what gives you pleasure. You might need to experiment with this by yourself first if you aren’t comfortable talking to your partner about it, but eventually you will need to bring that person into the loop. Like I said before, having a conversation about sex is not easy for everyone. If you were brought up as I was and you couldn’t really talk to your parents about the details, you relied a lot on your friends, and usually none of you knew what it was all about.

Luckily, things are more open these days and internet shopping makes it easy to be discreet if you still want to. Kinky toys will show up in the same inconspicuous packages as everything else, so nobody knows what you’ve bought. A few things on the list a woman might think about purchasing to try are a dildo, a clit vibrator, and lubrication gel. These are the basics, but don’t be afraid to keep going. There are all kinds of toys including butt plugs, anal beads, vibrators, nipple clamps, gels that heat up, and tons and tons of dildos. Don’t be afraid to try a variety of things to see what sparks your fancy.

Have a Talk

Couple talking

After you’ve taken some time to learn yourself, talking with your significant other is the next important step. Yes, you will be shy at first and it is difficult to ask for what you want, but you have to get past that. Leave the lights off if need be, so you don’t see their face when you try to talk to them.

Be specific. They are not mind readers and if you don’t tell them what feels good, they won’t know. Saying yes, yes, yes, isn’t always sufficient! If they do something you don’t like, tell them. If it hurts, tell them. Honest and open communication will eventually get you both exactly where you want to be.

Try it Out

couple in bedroom

In general, use lots of lubrication. To be frank, sometimes women dry out down there. Even if you are really excited, things can be dry, rough, or uncomfortable. There is nothing wrong with using lube. It makes things one hundred percent better for everyone if it doesn’t hurt. There are several kinds of lubrication out there from the cheap Walmart brand to K-Y jelly that warms when rubbed on. Try them out. Experiment with the different kinds on both of you.

Time to touch on the forbidden fruit, so to speak. Has your significant other ever asked you for anal sex? Some have never tried it and don’t want to. That’s okay. If you are uncomfortable with it, you have every right to say no. But, if you are wanting to test your kinky side give it a shot. My best advice is back to the lube. Use A LOT! The slicker things are, the better it is for both of you. It will be uncomfortable at first, no doubt, especially if you have never done it before. There is pressure and it stings, especially in the beginning, but once you get past that, it’s a very different and pleasurable sensation. The other piece of advice for those trying anal, get a vibrator and use it on your clit while the anal sex is going on. This will enhance the experience for you tremendously and you will realize that anal sex can be very enjoyable for both of you.

Do you want to try bondage? If so, make sure you are comfortable with being restrained. Do NOT use regular metal handcuffs you can buy at the store. They tend to leave nasty wounds if you end up pulling at the restraints too hard. Fur lined cuffs are great and really comfortable. Don’t use ropes for this either as they will leave bad burns on your wrists or ankles with too much movement. There are some simple restraints you can buy, so do your research before you hurt yourself in the bedroom.

Also, while many people have read the big seller having to do with BDSM, Fifty Shades of Grey, please keep in mind this is fiction, and a lot of what you read in that book is not supposed to be the way it works. The community of BDSM is based on safe, sane, and consensual interactions between adults and believe it or not, some of what goes on in BDSM has nothing to do with sex.

Want to be a touch more adventurous? What about a swing? These can be fun, but make sure you are using a strong doorway or beam. If you don’t, it can cause injury if it comes down while you are using it.

Don’t be afraid to use your imagination and enjoy the journey to your kinky side. This can be a fun learning experience for you both and can lead to a much more satisfying sex life.

Enjoy!

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