My Partner Still Has a Little Black Book

A smartphone, little back book and a rose sit on a table.

Single men often take pride in keeping a little black book. These days, instead of an actual little black book, their phones are crammed with the nicknames of girls they’ve met at bars, taken them home, or just hoped to take home one day. You can label (and maybe even condemn) many guys as “players” for this tactic, but what happens when it’s your significant other or your future spouse? If your significant other refuses to throw away their little black book, whether it be an actual book or the deleting of old numbers from his phone, it could raise a big red flag for your relationship.

He’s Too Lazy to Delete Them

You want to believe those numbers are in the phone because he’s simply too lazy to erase them. Does he recall who he labeled “Hot Blonde at Bar” or “Leggy Lindsey?” What about the girls you know he had in his phone for late night booty calls? You want to believe he just doesn’t care enough about having their numbers enough to erase them.

The problem is you know they are there, and he should have taken the initiative to rid of them. Lazy or not, erasing these numbers means he is totally committed to you. As you look towards the future at your life together, you don’t need old ghosts in the closet waiting to appear when you have a disagreement. He may claim to be 100% loyal to you, but that little black book doesn’t lie.

A man and his dog nap on a couch

Fear of Failure

He may be keeping the book with the thought in his mind that, “You never know what can go wrong.” Your relationship may be rock solid, but he still fears something might happen later that could leads you both on different paths. He wants that security blanket of old hookups so that he can check in with them if something does happen.

It might seem innocent on his part, but if he’s going into the relationship with this “pre-nup” of a security blanket, it could be an issue. He can always hold that over your head during fights. He knows where the little black book sits and might open it one night just to reminisce. Having that little black book easily available for drunk dialing will only create problems. You should go into your marriage without any fear of your relationship falling apart.

Friends with Exes

Some guys are simply nice guys that can remain friends with their exes. You shouldn’t have any jealousy issues if you are in this relationship forever, so it’s best to sit down and talk about your exes together. He may be keeping their numbers just to check in at times. These women may have moved on and have families of their own.

Sometimes there is a rational explanation, and you won’t know what the explanation is until you just ask. You’re both allowed to have friends of the opposite sex, even if those friends are exes. There is a reason those relationships didn’t work out. You both know and understand this reasoning, so there should be no worry about having old numbers. The scenario to possibly worry about is when random hookups are still listed in the little black book.

A group of friends standing against a wall

Discuss the Issue

The best thing to do when you find the little black book is to simply talk about it. Just ask him why he has it. He may have a good reason. He might be lazy, or he might be holding on to his past a little too tightly. Don’t attack him, let him tell you his reasoning and then talk about the issue. You are in this relationship for the long haul, so open communication will always be important. One thing to remember is that most men don’t overanalyze things.

We may be fretting for days about how to ask him about the little black book, and thinking of calling all the women and yelling at them, when he has truly forgotten about the numbers. You won’t know why he has it and it will drive you crazy until you talk about it together.

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