Second Thoughts? Dealing with Your Doubts

Worried woman

Marrying your partner can be one of the most exciting, wonderful, nerve-wracking choices you’ll ever make in your life. And, as you know, it is an extremely serious, incredible, intense commitment to make to another person. But what if, as your wedding date gets closer, you start to feel some doubt creep in? How much questioning is healthy? How do you deal with those feelings? What if you’re not sure you should go forward with the wedding? What do you do?

>Know that Your Feelings Are Real

Planning a wedding and preparing to enter into a lifetime commitment with someone is a very big deal, so having very big feelings about it is completely normal. Simple nerves or anxious butterflies about your upcoming nuptials are not anything to be concerned about. Of course you’re going to be nervous about it! It might be a concern, however, if you aren’t able to process or work through those feelings. If you find yourself dreading your big day instead of feeling just butterflies, you might want to trust your feelings and look into them further.

Write it Down

Writing in a journal

Although it may sound simple, it’s a good idea to try writing down your emotions in a journal or notebook to help you process what you’re feeling. In your writings you may find specific topics or concerns coming up again and again, which can be a good indication that these subjects need to be addressed with your partner and/or a counselor.Writing can also help you find clarity and purpose with your life decisions and point you in the right direction for the next steps to take. Through this exercise, you may find that your concerns are quite simple and can be easily addressed in some open conversations with your partner. If this is the case, then wonderful! Sit down with your fiance and have a heart-to-heart about your thoughts and concerns. This might ease your fears. And if it doesn’t, that’s okay, too; it just might now be a good idea to seek outside counsel.

See a Counselor

It is always a good idea to see a professional counselor before you get married, doubts or not! Premarital counseling with your partner is a great way to make sure you both feel as comfortable and prepared as possible going into your new lives as a married couple.

If you are experiencing serious concerns or anxiety before your wedding, it’s a great idea for you to attend some counseling sessions individually to really hash out where your feelings might be coming from and to help you assess if what you’re feeling is just “cold feet” or if your reservations are coming from a deeper place in your relationship that might need to be re-evaluated. It sounds scary, but a counselor is the perfect person to openly release your fears to, as they are there and trained to help you process your feelings. If this sounds like a huge step to you, that’s because it is. But having a professional walk you through this massive life change can be completely invaluable. If you are having serious doubts about marriage, a therapist is a resource you should certainly seek out sooner rather than later.

Talking with a therapist

Postponing the Wedding

Although the idea of changing your wedding plans might sound like it would add even more stress to an already stressful situation, it is important to remember that a wedding date can be changed! If you are realizing that you’re not quite ready to move forward with everything, but you still want to remain engaged to your partner, communicate this to them! It will be a tough conversation, absolutely, but being able to move forward into marriage with confidence will be worth it! Once you and your partner have decided to hold things off for awhile, inform your guests as quickly and simply as possible. You do not need to provide an explanation if you don’t want to, just let them know that you’re looking to push the wedding off for however long you all have decided and leave it at that. Sure, it may be a hard pill to swallow, but you and your partner deserve to work through these worries now, rather than waiting until you’re legally bound!

Cancelling the Wedding

If, through this process, you decide that getting married isn’t the right choice for you, you may need to cancel the wedding. There’s no denying this will be a painful ordeal for everyone involved, but being married when it’s not the right fit would be even worse. Surround yourself with as many supportive friends and family as you can, and keep moving forward with your life. Counseling is also very beneficial in this situation, so know that there’s no shame in seeking help. You deserve to be in a happy, healthy relationship, no matter what.

Most of the time, stress and doubts you might be feeling are completely normal when approaching an extremely important, life-impacting event like your wedding! But if you’re feeling extremely anxious, it’s never a bad idea to seek further support, so that when you do decide to get married, you can walk into your wedding feeling completely confident about your decision.

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