I think I’ve mentioned our photographer in the past, Lisa Rigby. She takes the most gorgeous pictures ever, and was someone I came back to over and over again always when looking for photographers.
When we were looking at photographers, there were very few photographers that I really loved most of their pictures. The hive also spoke very highly of her and I really had a great feeling when I talked to her on the phone. I haven’t actually gotten a chance to meet her in person, but if she’s anything like how she is on the phone, I’m sure we’ll get along fine. The decision to book her was not very difficult at all.
Source: Lisa Rigby Photography
So if this post isn’t to gush about how awesome my photographer is (though I should—she is awesome), what’s the deal?
I have to admit, I am absolutely terrified about the pictures that we are going to get. Terrified.
When I sat down and thought about it. It really wasn’t about the pictures at all. But rather, the fear of failure was manifesting itself as a fear of having picked the wrong photographer. Ultimately, I’m afraid that the whole wedding, with all of the details that I’ve carefully made and put together, is going to fall apart into one big hot mess. I’m scared that it won’t look magical or well put together. I’m afraid that I’m going to be running around like a chicken with no head, rather than enjoying the day, and I’m afraid that it’s going to show in all of the pictures.
And in a way, I guess this makes sense. I love Lisa’s pictures and I think she’s great at what she does. But it’s so easy to look at someone you don’t know’s pictures and see the beauty that’s there. It’s not as easy to see the wonder and beauty in your wedding, when you see the flaws.
That is my logical side, which tells me that this is happening because I have never spent this much money on anything before, and that it’s OK to be scared. My emotional side, on the other hand, is completely freaked out and is curling in a ball in the corner.
I’m scared about how much money we’re paying, I’m scared about the number of pictures we’re getting, I’m scared that I’m going to hate all of my wedding pictures, and I’m scared that we’re going to look awkward and dorky (because, let’s face it, we’re awkward and dorky).
Essentially, I’m scared that I’ve wasted the last two years of my life putting together an event that still sucked and looked awful, everything is going to fall apart, and I’m going to be left a very sad panda.
Because frankly, my posts haven’t had enough pictures of cute pandas. / Source: George Lu on Flickr
Did anyone else freak out over some admittedly irrational fear? Did you realize it was really about something else completely different when you sat down and thought about it? What do you do to make yourself feel better? How do you get over your irrational fears of failure?