With three weeks until the wedding, our numbers are in, we are working on all the fun logistics like seating charts and who will sit where, but there is a deep nagging feeling of disappointment when I look at our list.
Warning: slightly ranty pity party for one ahead.
Now, I knew ahead of time that you typically get 20% declines of all the invitations you send, and that is exactly what we got. We sent out 124 invitations, and we got 25 “declines with regret” or just plain old “no” from those who couldn’t be bothered to mail back the response card that has a self-addressed stamped envelope included, and we had to spend hours tracking them down—seriously rude. How hard is it to check a box and put it in the mail? Or even better the ones who respond yes, and then text that they can’t make it. GRRR. (/rant) Sorry. I really do get that life happens and unexpected things occur, and our wedding isn’t nearly as big a deal to anyone else as it is to us, but it just stings.
Some of them were definitely expected: Mr. Ly’s cousins who live in Arkansas and both just had babies; my parents’ friends who live all over the country and I haven’t seen since I was little (and have never met Mr. Ly). But I did hope, or expect, even, that more of our family would be there. Mostly, MY family. I hate to say this, and I do feel like a brat when I do…but my brother got married not three months before our wedding—and many of the guests that came to his are not coming to our wedding. And it hurts. I know there may be extenuating circumstances, and it’s not really them choosing his wedding over mine—but it doesn’t stop it from feeling that way.
I have classic middle child syndrome, and my family has always taunted me for that. I count and measure and compare everything against my sister and brother, because all I wanted when I was little (and still to this day) was for things to be fair. I didn’t need to have more than anyone, I just needed to know that I wasn’t getting the short end of the stick. My rational side kicks in, and I know for this wedding, I am not. I am very VERY lucky to be having the wedding that we are able to have. My brother may have had more of our family members attend, but he had to seriously limit the number of his friends he could include. We have a higher minimum, so less family for us means we can include people we weren’t able to include from the start (yes, the dreaded B-list!).
The conclusion I have come to is that I need to get over it. Get over the stupid hurt feelings I have that my cousins and family who attended his wedding won’t be at ours, stop taking it all so personally. I’m sure most of these people really do wish they could be at the wedding. I am trying my best to be understanding when people keep canceling (we had four people who were originally yeses text today to say they can’t make it—so maybe that’s why the feeling is so strong right now) and just get over myself.
Thanks for being a listening ear, bees. If anyone will get it, I know it’s the hive. Anyone else go through last-minute pity parties when you got some disappointing responses?