How to Navigate Common Wedding-Related Arguments with Your Fiance

A young couple looking at paperwork and frustrated over wedding planning.

Couples preparing to walk down the aisle experience a range of emotions during this special time. From joy and excitement to stress to just plain being overwhelmed, it’s all completely normal. One downside to wedding planning that couples may not expect is the tendency to have arguments during the planning process. But there are certainly ways to better navigate and avoid these tiffs with your fiancé so that you can really make the most out of your engagement.

The Guest List

An antique gold frame with escort cards at a wedding reception.

One of the most common fights between couples as they plan a wedding revolves around the guest list. This is one of the hardest parts of wedding planning in general, so it makes sense that this would be something that spurs high emotions. Fights frequently spawn from the idea that the list is not well balanced or fair from one side to the next. As you navigate setting your final guest list with your fiancé, agree on a maximum guest list number that’s reasonable for the size of your families and friend group. Work through the list methodically, categorizing guests into “family,” “friends,” and “family friends” buckets. Use a color coding system to mark guests onto a “B-list” that you can cut from first. Also, as you work through this, remember to respect your future spouse and their feelings and have compassion when it comes to their priority list and who they feel is important for them to share this monumental day with.

The Budget

It can definitely be tough to agree on matters that surround money when you’re planning a wedding. The truth of the matter is that weddings are not cheap. It’s completely normal to squabble over how your budget is allocated during the wedding planning process. While the bride may want to spend more on her dress and flowers, the groom may want to devote more of the funds to the bar package or entertainment. So, what to do when this issue arises? The best thing to do is to get ahead of it by setting a reasonable, concrete expectation for each aspect of the budget ahead of time so that you’re both on the same page. If this doesn’t happen, be sure to sit down and have a conversation about the cost of everything before you commit to something. Hear what your partner has to say on pricing and be open to the fact that you may have to adjust your spending in certain areas in order to ensure that you’re both happy with how your budget is allocated.

The Wedding Location

A bride staring at the ocean as she stands on a small dock in a tropical wedding location.

Many couples have issues deciding where they want to get married, and this may go deeper than just figuring out a venue. Couples can often fight about the state or even country in which they want to tie the knot. While the bride may dream of an island wedding, the groom may envision an urban environment for the big day. Family and friend living locations may play a role in this decision, too. If this occurs for you as you begin to plan your nuptials, work to compromise. Each of you should make a list that details your ideal wedding and what the most important aspects of it are to you. Then, list the pros and cons of such a wedding. Share your lists and find the similarities and discrepancies between the two. From there, find a reasonable compromise that has important aspects from each list in the day so that everyone is happy.

Your Fiancé Isn’t Contributing Enough

Planning a wedding is fun in a lot of ways, but it can be very time-consuming. Many times, one person starts to feel like they’re shouldering most, if not nearly all, of the planning while their fiancé is not contributing much. This can be frustrating and often leads to a squabble or even resentment. If you’re feeling this way, address the issue before that resentment builds. Compile a list of all that is going into wedding planning from your standpoint and ask your partner to do the same. They may be taking on more than you even know! Sit down and go over your lists. Highlight things that you would like your partner’s help with. Also be ready to talk through the best way they can help and support you in planning. Finally, be open to hearing why they haven’t been helping as much as you’d hoped and ask them what they’d feel best assisting with in the process.
Planning a wedding is undoubtedly a long and intricate process. Through it all, remember that it’s both your and your fiance’s day and it’s meant to celebrate your love. With those ideas in mind, it’ll be easier to remain calm and kind towards your soon-to-be-spouse even during the tough and frustrating moments.
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