There are thousands of books and magazine articles providing wedding advice, but most of it is centered on heterosexual couples. Although this is slowly changing, when you’re a woman who is getting married to another woman and you’re trying to plan a ceremony, it can get a little frustrating to see a lack of good advice out there.
There are lots of details to plan and things to figure out in every wedding, heterosexual or homosexual, but as two brides-to-be, it can feel even more challenging that you might have anticipated.
- What will the two of you wear?
- Where will the ceremony be?
- Do we want to have a bridal party? Who should be included?
- Should we have flowers at the ceremony?
- Who should officiate?
Before you start stressing, here are a few things to consider as you plan that dreamy, romantic ceremony you always wanted.
There Are No Rules You Have to Follow
Modern day weddings are all about personalization and breaking these traditional wedding “rules.” You can make your wedding as traditional or as nontraditional as you like. If you want to get married in a house of worship, your parents’ backyard, or in a national park—it’s completely up to you.
Because you don’t have the traditional heteronormative rules of wedding ceremonies to adhere to, you can really feel free to make up whatever kind of ceremony you want to have. You don’t have to feel the pressure of having a bridal party (unless of course you want to), you don’t need to make it a religious ceremony, and you can write your own vows that symbolize the kind of marriage that you want to have.
This is your chance to be truly creative, so have fun with it!
Wear the Kind of Ceremonial Attire You Want
One of the biggest decisions that you’ll need to make for your wedding ceremony is what the two of you will wear. Of course, the tradition is that a bride wears a white dress, but it is completely up to you whether you follow that tradition.
If both of you can’t imagine getting married without wearing wedding dresses, then talk about what kind of styles you want to wear and whether you want to coordinate your attire. If you’re not planning on going dress shopping together and you want to be surprised on the big day, consider working with a special wedding dress stylist. They can ensure that the two of you don’t pick out clashing colors or styles.
Don’t picture yourself wearing a bride-like gown? That’s perfectly fine too. Dress in whatever makes you feel your best, whether that’s a pantsuit, a tux, or a simplified version of a bridal gown like a sheath dress or a skirt set.
Choose LGBTQ-Friendly Venues, Vendors, and an Officiant
Your wedding day should be a celebration. You are choosing to spend the rest of your life with the person you love the most, and you’re making that commitment surrounded by beloved friends and family. You should never feel like someone is judging you or dampening your day in any capacity.
When you are planning your wedding ceremony, only choose venues that are LGBTQ+ friendly. Not only will you want an LGBTQ+ friendly venue, but you’ll also want someone to officiate the ceremony who is accepting and supportive of your relationship. Also be sure to look around town for LGBTQ+ friendly vendors such as DJs, bands, bakeries, caterers, and florists who are happy to take your business and excited to help with your ceremony.
Have the Bridal Party You Want—or Don’t Have One at All
Most brides and grooms choose to have a bridal party filled with their family and friends who help plan bachelor and bachelorette parties, bridal showers, and who kick the party into high gear.
Whether or not you want to have a traditional bridal party is completely up to you. You and your partner could both choose several friends to be your bridesmaids, or you could completely forego the tradition altogether. Many LGBTQ+ couples share a group of friends, so there may not be a need for your friends to stand on either side during the ceremony. It’s also not a necessity to stick to the “rule” of only having female friends serve as bridesmaids. You could have male friends be your attendants or even be the “man of honor.”
Another option is to have your friends read poems or scripture during your wedding, light special ceremonial candles, or even officiate the wedding. Don’t forget though, your friends are still more than obligated to throw you unforgettable bachelorette parties before your wedding day.