What to Do About Wedding Crashers

Drunk person giving a speech at a wedding while holding wine glass and microphone

Wedding crashers. No, we’re not talking about the movie, we’re talking about real life weddings. We all know what wedding crashers are: they’re those people who don’t RSVP and then show up anyway. Sometimes they are complete strangers just coming around for the cake, trying to pass themselves off as guests. What do you do if people crash your wedding? Do you kick them out no questions asked or should you take a calmer approach? It’s hard to know in these situations especially if the crashers are people you know and don’t want to offend. Let’s look at some of the best ways to deal with these pesky people.

Is There Room?

So your next-door neighbors just showed up, even though they did not RSVP. How rude! But you don’t want to snub them even if they didn’t say they were coming. They’re here now and you’d like to seat them if you can. Can you seat them? Is there enough space? Figure out how hard it will be to seat and feed these people. If seating them is going to be a huge inconvenience, then you might consider telling them the bad news.

Reception table at wedding with guests holding wine glasses

Add and Subtract

When deciding whether to kick out the party crashers, you should add and subtract. That is, figure out whether they add or subtract from the event. Are these people you don’t even know? Are they being disrespectful or disruptive? Then you might want to get rid of them. If you know them, how close are you? Weigh the pros and cons. How offended will they be if you send them away? Instead try explaining that there are no seats, but allow them to stay and party.

Gain Advice

This problem is a hairy one, and I’m not talking about your uncle Bob. You may be wondering, “how did I get myself into this situation.” You sent out all the invites early and even marked a date for RSVP. How is it that these people managed to miss telling you if they were attending? And what do you do about it now? Well, the best thing to do is get someone else in on the problem. Find someone near you who is good at solving these kinds of issues tactfully. Ask them what they think. Your head is full of wedding stuff so it’ll be hard to make this decision on the fly. By asking someone else, you gain another brain to think up a solution.

Give the Power Away

It’s your wedding day. Usually during weddings, everyone is focused on helping the couple ensure the day goes smoothly. Most people, especially family, are all too happy to help in any way they can. Most families know that a wedding can be stressful and is way too busy for the couple as is, without them having to deal with a seating issue. Try to give the power away on this one if you can. Find a responsible person you trust and tell them to handle it. This technique is best if you just absolutely feel you’re at the end of your rope and cannot handle dealing with the crashers. You shouldn’t have to feel so stressed about people who didn’t even RSVP! Also, this way the pressure’s off you and if the crashers are offended you can point the finger towards the willing messanger.

Bride texting on a phone outside

Communicate with Your Venue

If you do decide to allow these crashers to stay, talk to your venue. Talk to catering too if it’s not the same thing. Let them know you’ll be adding some extra people. Who knows, the venue itself might put a kibosh on the idea. Then you’ve saved yourself an excuse and you can blame the venue. On the other hand, the venue might be able to figure out a perfect solution and whip up some chairs or space out of nowhere, so it’s always good to check.

How to Say Goodbye

Breaking up is truly hard to do, especially when it’s family. Let’s say you know these crashers. It’s your second cousin and her family of six come to party the night away and celebrate with you. But this group didn’t say they were coming and you don’t really have the space for them. You know you have to tell them to go, but how? Do not take this on yourself. Unless the crashers are extremely close to you, have someone else do the breaking up. Like I said before, try to find someone who knows the crashers to explain and therefore soften the blow. If no one knows them that well, then have someone reasonable and polite talk to them.

Crashers are certainly a touchy subject. I’ve heard many a bride rant and rave about how annoying it is when guests don’t RSVP. It’s one thing to not RSVP, but to then show up anyway is a total faux pas. Keep in mind that the crashers may not realize what they’re doing or if they do, realize how rude it is. They may think they sent in the RSVP when they didn’t. It could be an honest mistake. Or they just don’t realize how much planning and detail you put in to the celebration, and that them coming unannounced is a huge inconvenience and frankly frustrating. So be as gentle as you can. Most crashers have only the best of intentions.

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