What to Say About Your Exes Before Getting Engaged

A woman spying on a couple in a restaurant

Talking about exes is one of the biggest obstacles in a relationship. You know it’s a bad idea to throw all your cards on the table on the first date, and it’s pretty weird to get married without ever discussing your exes, so when is the best time and what is the best way to discuss the exes? We have some ideas on just how to discuss this taboo subject before you find your way down the aisle together.

Past Marriage

A past marriage is both a blessing and a curse for your relationship. It might raise a red flag if one of you was married before and it didn’t work out, yet it made you the person you are today. It’s best to talk about this past marriage in depth. It’s important to share every aspect, including the characteristics of your ex, so your future spouse will understand why the two of you weren’t compatible. This ex is a huge part of your life, even if you no longer speak. At one time they held your heart, so it’s important to share everything about them and your relationship with your future husband or wife.

A woman gives back apartment keys after breaking up

Serious Exes

There’s a reason why an ex is an ex, and there’s a reason why you never made it down the aisle with him or her. It’s important to talk about these reasons with your current significant other. You may have been with this ex for half of your life, going through some of the most important events of your life together. You may have just drifted apart, or you may have had a huge event that caused a rift in your relationship. There could be one of these exes, or maybe more. The main thing is you want to be open and honest about them with your future spouse. They will want to understand why the relationship didn’t work out, and what should be done differently in your present relationship.

Meaningless Exes and Flings

There’s some exes that hung around for a few months in your younger years that meant absolutely nothing to you. It was fun and crazy, but when it was over, it was over. You might’ve even forgotten last names or what they look like by now. This doesn’t mean you are hiding anything. If you want to make a list of all your exes just to clear your conscience, go for it. You could talk about your random exes in depth, trying to recall where you went on dates, or where they are according to social media. But if they really weren’t that significant in your life, what’s the point?

A man checks out another woman with with his wife

Don’t Kill Your Romance

It’s tough to decide the best way to put into words why things didn’t work out with an ex. You don’t want to say anything that will scare your significant other away. They probably know all your quirks anyway, but diving into the serious dirt of past relationships can get muddy. You probably didn’t come out with clean hands and your heart might’ve been broken, so putting everything out there can be tough.

Realize that you might feel raw and open when you talk about these relationship issues, but you should also know you’re in safe hands. Your future spouse loves you for who you are and knows you aren’t perfect. It’s better to be open and honest than to have skeletons hiding in your closet. Talk about the past as candidly as possible, even the parts that might make you look bad. You grew and learned from the past, so you probably are a better person today because of it.

The Right Time

There is never a perfect time to have these awkward conversations about the exes. Talking about the exes isn’t exactly going to be the highlight of your date nights. Decide when it’s best to have an open and honest conversation with one another about the topic. You both have to be ready and willing to talk about your exes for it to be a productive conversation.

Your future is together, so once this conversation is out there, leave it in the past. You can move forward together without fear of the exes in your past popping up to haunt you.

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