When to Commit vs. When to Keep Playing the Field

man and woman meeting

Knowing when to commit versus when to keep playing the field can be difficult. Emotions are not black and white, and it is not as easy as making a pro and con list. If it were that easy, you wouldn’t be reading this and looking for the universe to send you signs.

If you’re contemplating hanging up your player’s jersey, here are some things to consider. You can go ahead and buy the hanger should you find yourself agreeing with these statements.

You’re Not Thinking About Other People

One sure sign you’re ready to commit and stop playing the field is when you’re no longer interested in seeing other people. It may seem obvious, but it’s true, especially if you’re not a serial monogamist.

Serial monogamists have less trouble taking the leap than those who are not, and they definitely do not have the same struggles and anxieties about it. If you tend to live (and love) the single life, you usually keep things more casual and your options open. So, when you start cutting ties with other partners and are no longer seeking or thinking about new ones, you’re probably ready.

He or She is Your Priority

This is a two-way street; you should be his or her first priority as well. It doesn’t feel good when someone puts everything else before you and is something that will cause strain in your relationship. Of course, he or she will always have other things going on in life, but he or she should make an effort for you. If you don’t feel like you’re ready to make another person your top priority, don’t commit to it, and definitely don’t accept it from him or her either.

It’s More Than Sex

While anything is possible, a sex-based relationship that goes the distance is not probable. If it is time to commit and stop playing the field, you will be doing more than just having sex. A true relationship should involve activities outside of the bedroom as well. You do not have to be planning elaborate outings, but you should have some mutual interests, like binge-watching Netflix or hiking.

There Is Mutual Trust

Trust is vital for any healthy relationship, and you should feel safe with your partner. You should be able to count on your partner to be there for you through thick and thin, as you would a close friend.

When it is time to commit and stop playing the field, you’ll be able to trust that you partner will remain faithful to you and that you can rely on him or her.

There’s No Pressure

Your partner shouldn’t pressure you into the relationship. You need to feel comfortable and confident about your decision. It is a mutual relationship, so the decision needs to be mutual as well.

You Have Compatible Futures

If you don’t want kids and your potential significant other does, it may cause tension down the road. That is not to say it is impossible to compromise or work through the issue, but you are more likely to stand the test of time if you want the same things.

People are always changing and growing, so in time, you may decide that you do want those with the right person. If you feel yourself swaying and thinking you may want the same things or that you’d be open to a compromise, it may be the right time to commit.

He or She Gets Along With Your Friends and Family

Your friends and family are integrated into your life. These are people you spend a decent portion of your time with. So, the person you’re going to be with needs to be able to hang. Having a significant other who cannot get along with your friends and family will most certainly cause stress, both in your romantic relationship and in your relationship with family and friends.

Tip: You can also count on your closest friends and family members to give you their honest opinions about your partner, so be sure to listen when the name comes up.

Semantics (Not a Statement, but It Matters)

There is a difference between making “I” and “we” statements. It may seem trivial, but someone who is using “we” statements (i.e.: We will see you later) is thinking of you and including you as well. Are you saying “we” yet?

Find a Balance

There needs to be balance. Just like a seesaw, a relationship is not going to work if only one person is doing all of the work.

All of the above should play a role in whether you decide to commit or keep playing the field. However, it all comes down to your gut. Your gut, your intuition, helps you in a variety of situations that your head cannot navigate appropriately. What does your gut say to do? If you have that gut feeling that you should retire your player’s jersey, do it. Take that leap of faith so that you don’t lose this person. Or, keep the jersey on a little while and play the field until you’re more certain. Do what works best for you.

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