The wedding is a few short weeks away, but sex between you and your partner has stalled. Now what? The stress of wedding planning can get to anyone. The dress, the caterers, the photographer, tuxes for the groom and groomsmen, your parents, his or her parents—all of these things can cause your stress levels to escalate and make any intimacy seem forced. Yet, for most couples, happiness in the bedroom and happiness in the marriage go hand in hand.
Don’t bottle your frustrations and settle for whatever you can get. Communication between you and your partner is key to reviving your stalled sex life.
Share the Work of Wedding Planning
Even if you’re an expert at planning, budget management, crisis management, and everything else, it’s important that you don’t take the entire burden on your shoulders.
Generally, most men marrying women are not very involved in the planning process. If you ask them about anything, they may say, “I don’t care. Just tell me when and where to be and I’ll be there. I want to marry you. I don’t really care how it happens.” or “weddings are for the ladies.” They might not feel they are allowed an opinion, or they may not have much of an opinion, but the stress of planning could drive a huge wedge between you and your partner that translates into not having meaningful sex for a long time.
With same-sex couples, the “assigned” roles aren’t as strict. There are fewer expectations surrounding who should do what with the planning, so it can be easier to share the workload. However, this doesn’t mean these couples are immune to the same planning pitfalls.
Be honest if you’re getting overwhelmed, or just ask for support from the beginning. Even if your partner doesn’t have opinions on colors and table-settings, it will be time well-spent together to discuss it. It may lift some of that weight off of your shoulders.
Talk It Over
Sometimes clearing the air between the two of you is all it takes. Tension over planning issues or family drama can easily put you at odds with one another and ruin what little time alone you have. Don’t be afraid to voice your concerns and frustrations with your partner in a healthy and constructive way. It’s the first step to a solution.
If sex has been an issue for some time, you might need to dig deeper to dissect what is really going on. Does he or she want different things from your sexual encounters than you do? Have you discussed what you enjoy or don’t enjoy when it comes to sex? Everyone likes different things! Maybe you enjoy being given oral sex, but he or she doesn’t seem to like performing it. Does your partner like oral sex? Do you enjoy giving it? Some people have an aversion to putting their mouths on someone else’s genitals. If your partner doesn’t know this about you, it can cause feelings of resentment. Both of you need to know what’s going on. You can’t read each other’s minds.
Experiment With Something New
What about trying different positions? Missionary is the most common sexual position, and it’s the one we all probably started with. It may be the only one you know, and that’s okay. However, it’s not the only one out there. Doing something as simple as changing up how you have sex can make the experience into something completely new and exciting.
For women, try something that might hit that magical spot. Yes, it is there; it is not a figment of your imagination. It’s not always in the same area in every woman, but if you have the right angle and the exact amount of penetration, you can hit the spot. Believe me, it is worth trying for.
What about having your partner behind you and penetration from that angle? Sometimes if your partner is taller or has longer legs, you might have to work on the angle a bit. Try over the side of the bed, use a step stool, or move your legs a little further apart. And there is nothing wrong with self-stimulation. Help yourself along and see what happens. You might enjoy this position a lot more than you thought you would.
Being on top is always an option as well. You might find this harder than you thought if your legs aren’t in shape. It is one heck of a work out on the thighs. You can control the amount of penetration and the angle with this position, so that’s a benefit for many women.
Another position to try is with the man behind you while the woman lays on her side. He can move down a bit and hit some pretty interesting spots as he the thrusts. If you are into hair pulling, he can sure get a fistful of hair from this direction.
Of course, there is always anal as well (although this may be more typical for same-sex male couples). If you have never tried this, you might be missing out on an awesome scenario. It is not for everyone, don’t get me wrong, but it could be worth a try. The secret to enjoying anal for most people is lots and lots of lubrication. It is going to be a bit painful at first, but once penetration has been achieved, it is a sensation you can’t describe. Just be extra vigilant in taking care of yourself to prevent unnecessary pain or infection.
Always Make Time for Each Other
With family commitments and the chaos of planning on top of your already busy lives, it’s easy for a week without sex to turn into three or four. Then, you realize you haven’t had date night in three months.
Take time for yourselves to get away even for a night, somewhere special, where you can leave all the wedding planning behind for a few hours. Go out to dinner, rent a nice hotel room, grab a bottle of wine, a jetted tub, and relax. Spend some time just the two of you.
For the most part, if sex has stalled at this point in the wedding preparations, most of the time it is due to the stress and all-consuming nature of wedding planning. Remember, whatever you want for your big day will work itself out in the end. The whole point of the ceremony is to celebrate your lives together. Nothing is more important than you two together. If you don’t put in the effort now, this could be a point of contention early in your brand new marriage.