How to Propose as a Woman

A woman proposing to her girlfriend on a rooftop with a ring.

Already in 2018, Pinterest noticed that searches for how to propose as a woman were significantly up. It seems that with the rise of feminism, the act is losing its taboo status. And since 2020 will be a leap year, we can expect a lot more female-led proposals.

Is proposing as a woman any different than if you were a man? Not really. At the end of the day, it’s still a declaration of love and saying the words, “Will you marry me?” If you’re thinking of taking your relationship status into your own hands and popping the question yourself, go for it! When you know he or she is the one, there isn’t a moment to waste.

Ensure You’re Proposing for the Right Reasons

Before you make the leap, make sure you’re proposing for the right reasons. Asking someone to marry you should never be an ultimatum. It also shouldn’t have ulterior motives. It’s always best to have a conversation about marriage and the future of your relationship first. It’s also important to make sure that both of you are ready for that kind of commitment.

When you’re sure and ready to take the next step, you can start thinking about how the proposal will happen. It’s a good idea to think things through and plan ahead, at least to some degree, to assure that the moment will be memorable and special. If you’re looking for tips on how to go about proposing, here are a few handy tips.

Know When to Keep it Simple

Of course everyone is different, but men generally prefer more simpler proposals as opposed to grand gestures. They will appreciate the moment and its meaning more than an elaborate display of fireworks. So don’t rattle your head too hard trying to come up with a dramatic scene.

Show That you Know Them

Imagine how your partner would propose to you. You’d want him to make an impression on you, right? The same applies if it’s coming from your side. While you shouldn’t neglect your fantasies, the main event should be focused around him. Just because you’d like him to get down on one knee under the Eiffel Tower doesn’t mean he would.

Think of what he would like and what will make the day special for him. After all, with a proposal, you’re making a statement of how much the person means to you and how you want to spend the rest of your life with them. If you do something that shows you don’t know him well, it’ll send the wrong message.

Share the Moment

To make it the best of both worlds, pick a location and/or activity that has special meaning to both of you. Perhaps you both love to cook, so pop the question over a home-cooked meal—maybe the same recipe you first prepared together. Unless you know they’re a social butterfly who will love the attention, it’s best to keep things one-on-one.

Prepare What to Say

You don’t need to prepare a big speech if you don’t want to. You also don’t need to get down on one knee when you do, unless you want to. All you really need to say are the words, “Marry Me!” However, it’s a good idea to say a few words about what the person and what your relationship means to you, and why you want to spend your future together. Whatever you choose to say, make sure to practice! The more you do, the less nervous you’ll feel when the moment is right.

Put a Ring on It (Or Don’t)

An engagement ring isn’t necessary, but it’s a good idea to have some symbolic item to give him or her. If it’s an impromptu thing, it can be something silly like a ring made of a flower. As an alternative, you can also gift them a watch or other piece of jewelry to mark the occasion. (Should you decide to get a ring, purchase one for yourself as well. You shouldn’t expect them to buy you one, although they’ll likely gift you one later.)

Prepare a Plan B

To assure that everything goes according to plan, take the time to prepare everything carefully and double-check any details, such as meal reservations, ahead of time. And have a Plan B. What if you get stuck in traffic, or one of you gets sick? Unless you want to keep the event private, it can help to enlist your friends or family to help. That way, if anything goes wrong, you can call someone to make an emergency change to your plans.

…And Prepare for a “No”

It’s not fun to think about, but there are many reasons why he or she might hesitate or say no to your marriage proposal. It may not mean they don’t want to marry you. It might simply be the wrong time and place. Often, a man says no because he’s disappointed that he didn’t propose first—either because he’s old-fashioned or because he was already planning his own proposal. It’s probably best to have a conversation or two about marriage before you pop the question, just to be sure you’re on the same page.

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