The honeymoon is always a most welcomed distraction from your wedding day planning and stress. However, it’s not completely free from its own pressures. Mainly: sex. Most couples have certain sexual expectations when it comes to their honeymoon, which, undoubtedly and very naturally, leads to some questions. Will you be having sex as soon as you get to the hotel room? Will you be having sex all the time? Is it OK to act out a fantasy? What if you just don’t feel like having sex sometimes? These are all perfectly normal questions to have, by the way.
While most couples will picture a passionate and romantic getaway, we’re human, after all. People have questions and concerns, and it’s absolutely OK to feel some nerves and anxiety pre-honeymoon. In order to ease any of your honeymoon jitters and minimize any pressures to maximize your intimacy and connection, here are the answers to your most common honeymoon sex questions.
1. What should I expect from our honeymoon?
A good way to ease any concerns about your honeymoon is to voice them to your partner. What do YOU expect? What are YOUR desires? Opening up a dialogue with each other that involves discussing any expectations and desires surrounding intimacy will ensure that you’re both on the same page. That way, your partner won’t be disappointed when you tell them that you’d like to take a nap as soon as you arrive at the hotel. Or neither of you will be surprised if, say, your partner brings lube in their carry-on.
2. What should we bring with us?
Being prepared is always a good thing. Take with you the things that make you feel sexy and comfortable: lingerie, lotions, oils, a satin robe, perfume, a playlist of romantic songs. Also, birth control (if you’re not looking to get pregnant), lube, or any toys that you and your partner have both agreed upon.
3. Is it OK to not have sex on our wedding night?
How many times have you heard couples complain just how doggone tired they were from their wedding that they didn’t have the energy or strength to even consider having sex on their wedding night? (A lot!) Weddings are usually exhausting mentally, physically, and emotionally. Knowing this ahead of time will save you from disappointment. However, if you would like to celebrate your special night by making love, then it might help to have a game plan beforehand. Delegate duties to your wedding party on the day so you’re not stressed. Keep your alcohol intake to a minimum. Take a nap. And don’t forget to kiss and flirt with your new spouse on your wedding day so you can experience some playful anticipation. And if you don’t have sex after all? Don’t beat yourself up. Enjoy your rest; there’s always tomorrow.
4. What if one of us wants to have more sex than the other?
This is normal. One of you wants to get it on, and the other is too tired or maybe just doesn’t feel like it—totally normal responses and feelings for both parties. In this instance, it’s important to know why the need for physical intimacy is so important to that person. Is it to experience togetherness? Touch? Are they feeling insecure? Physical intimacy doesn’t always have to be about sex. There are other ways to feel pleasure and connected, like cuddling, kissing, or giving each other a massage. The key is to be open with each other and honor both of your needs.
5. How do I prevent getting a UTI?
It’s pretty common for women to contract a urinary tract infection (UTI) after sex, especially after a lot of sex. Using lube during intercourse is an effective way of preventing one. Peeing after sex, as well as washing your genital area and taking cranberry pills or drinking cranberry juice are also useful preventative measures. Drinking plenty of water before and after sex is also a good idea. If you have a history of getting UTIs, then it might be a good idea to visit your family doctor to get a prescription for some preventative meds just in case.
6. Can we get our freak on?
Your honeymoon is the perfect time to experiment and live out some fantasies that you’re both comfortable with trying together. As part of your pre-honeymoon conversation, you would’ve already discussed any sexy desires that you wanted to experience, whether it’s role-playing, using a toy, or simply wearing new lingerie. Everyone’s fantasies are different and valid. Having a conversation beforehand will help both of you with your comfort level. But don’t feel pressured to get freaky. Sexual relationships evolve over time, and your new marriage is a marathon—not a sex sprint.
7. How can we prioritize sex before and after the honeymoon?
Your honeymoon is also a vacation, so you will be leaving the bedroom at some point to sightsee and explore. Make sure that you’re balancing your vacation adventures with rest and relaxation. If you’re too tired from walking around all day, you won’t be in the mood to have sex and connect intimately, so it’s important to actually plan your vacation so you allow space to de-stress and, yes, have sex. After the honeymoon, having open communication about sex and your needs and expectations is key. Be honest and real about what works for you. All couples are different. Some have sex a few times a month, while others have sex a few times a week. Being honest with your partner and prioritizing sex that works for both of you will help keep you connected intimately.
Honeymoons can feel overwhelming for couples, especially when it comes to sex, but don’t let the pressure get to you. Honeymoons are supposed to be fun! Allow yourselves the opportunity to connect and relax without placing the unnecessary expectation that your honeymoon should be one long sex vacation. Your honeymoon is not indicative of your sex life and what’s to come, either. Focus on what feels pleasurable to both of you, and enjoy! You have the rest of your lives to have even more wonderful sex.