10 Signs You Need to Spice up Your Marriage

A close-up image of a man and woman holding hands.

While most couples want to keep their relationship “spicy,” there are definitely time periods in a marriage when doing so feels next to impossible. Let’s just say that it’s easier said than done. But if you heed the red flags, you’re on the right path toward preventing a boring sex life. In an attempt to keep what goes on in your bedroom fresh and exciting, here’s some things to watch out for.

1. You Don’t Try New Things

When your relationship was new, it probably came naturally to try novel things in the bedroom. Once that stops happening and you fall into the same old (somewhat boring) routine, it’s definitely an indication that it’s time to freshen things up.

2. There’s no Spontaneity

This comes down to being too invested in routine. Being spontaneous is a natural way to keep things exciting in your bedroom. Rather than only being intimate on designated days or at certain times, spice things up by being less regimented and letting your instincts rule. Taking the time to surprise your spouse in this way shows that you want to keep your relationship exciting and intimate time with them is more than just a date on a calendar.

3. You Keep Sex in the Bedroom

A young man and woman kissing on a chair in their apartment.

If sex is always occurring in the same place, take that as a sign that you need to shake things up. Try a new location, as well as a new position or two, to keep things fun and interesting. Changing up your entire routine—including time of day, location, and method—all make for a more spicy love life.

4. You De-Prioritize Sex

If everything in your life seems to come before sex, it’s a major sign that you need to spice things up. This includes using the excuse of being “too busy” to be intimate with your partner. Although everyone gets swamped from time to time, sex shouldn’t be consistently low on the priority list.

5. There’s no Physical Affection Outside the Bedroom

A young man and woman kissing at a table outside of a cafe.

A lack of affection in general between you and your spouse could indicate that you need to change things up. If you never hold hands, cuddle, kiss, or touch each other in non-sexual ways, you could use some more physical affection in your marriage. Work on being more affectionate with one another outside the bedroom, which will naturally lead to more affection inside the bedroom.

6. You’re Jealous of Others’ Sex Lives

If you find yourself pining after the sex life that your best friend describes, it could be a sign that you need to spice things up in your own relationship. Instead of fantasizing about someone else’s reality in the bedroom, make it your own with the most important person in your life.

7. Date Nights Are no More

A young man and woman dancing on an urban rooftop with the sun setting in the background.

Of course, with social distancing at the top of many people’s minds, date nights can be far and few between these days. However, they’re important to your relationship. Make it a point to have a date night in which you actually interact with each other rather than just sitting in front of the TV or burying your nose in your phone.

8. Sex Feels Rushed

If sex feels rushed, it’s definitely a sign that things need some spicing up with your spouse. Sex is meant to be enjoyed rather than rushed through, so make sure you’re making the most out of this special time with your husband or wife.

9. There’s no Foreplay

A young man and woman kissing on a pillow.

Skipping right to the main event when you have sex is a sign that you need to shake things up where intimacy is concerned. Foreplay is a fun and important part of sex with your partner, so don’t skimp on it!

10. You Avoid Talking About Sex

If you don’t talk about sex regularly with your partner, it could indicate that this part of your marriage needs some attention. Talk about sex more regularly, and it just may lead to actually having more sex and, in turn, establishing a deeper connection. Need some ideas of what to talk about? Here’s three conversations to have about sex with your husband.

Keep an eye out for these signs that lead to the need to spice things up for you and your spouse.

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