In the immortal words of Salt-N-Pepa, “Let’s talk about sex, baby.”
Woah, hold up. Don’t close this article so quickly! Sex is an important part of every marriage—the one thing we all have, but no one seems to want to talk about. The legacy of Puritanism and buttoned-up attitudes here in the U.S. (and many other cultures) means that many people are uncomfortable talking about sex with anyone, including their partners.
Here’s the truth: the only way to have a truly great sex life is to communicate about it with your partner. You both need to be on the same page mentally and emotionally before you can knock each other’s socks off horizontally! I know it may be awkward, but here are three things you should talk about with your husband.
What You Like
We all already know that everyone’s body is different. Some of us have food allergies. Some of us have lightning-fast metabolisms. Similarly, no two people think exactly alike. Some people love dogs. Others love cats. Some think aliens don’t exist, and some are convinced they’ve seen them in the flesh (or whatever it is aliens have). Our world is filled with unique people, who each have their own bodies, minds, hearts, and personalities. Which means…most people have their own, unique sexual interests.
When you start a relationship with someone, they have no idea what’s going to excite you in bed or make you orgasm. With time (and luck) they may discover a few key points, but there’s only one person who can really unlock that secret: you! Don’t expect your husband to intuitively know what feels good for you; be upfront and let him know. A kind, yet direct, conversation about what turns you on is the fastest way for you both to become more satisfied with your love life.
When It’s Uncomfortable
Marriage is a lifetime commitment to one person. You and your husband are going to spend years together, navigating ups and downs in every aspect of your life. Your finances will go up and down. You’ll go through stressful times at work. Your bodies will age together (faster than you might expect). There will be changes around every corner—many of them great, don’t get me wrong—but sometimes, those changes will affect your libido.
It’s important for couples to continue communicating about sex throughout their marriages. Never feel obligated to have sex in a certain way or at a certain time! If you don’t feel comfortable—physically or emotionally—let your partner know right away!
Open lines of communication will prevent your sex life from becoming a pain point in your marriage. Remember, as you both get older, your interests may change (as do your abilities: just because you loved that one position on your vacation in Cabo doesn’t mean you want to try it five years later at home). Talking about what’s good and what’s not will help keep you both feeling better.
What He Needs from You
Marriage requires both give and take—or in this case, talking and listening. You have every right to tell your husband what you want in the bedroom (and what you don’t), but you also need to listen to his wants and needs. After all, you both are in this for the long haul, and you both deserve a happy sex life!
Make sure you take the time to hear what your husband has to say. If he suggests something that makes you uncomfortable, be honest with him and work together to find a compromise that makes you both happy. While the conversation may feel awkward or weird, talking about sex is a healthy and mature way to make sure both you and your spouse are healthy, happy, and satisfied with this element of your relationship.
Your husband wants you to be happy, and I’m sure you want the same for him. So, if your sex life is feeling lackluster lately, don’t be afraid to sit down and talk about it. If you do, I’m sure you’ll uncover (to paraphrase Salt-N-Pepa again), “All the good things (and no bad things) that may be.”