7 Simple Habits for a Better Married Sex Life

A young married couple walking into their bedroom.

Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you have to settle for a boring sex life. In fact, as the years go by, your sex life should be getting better and hotter. Why? Because your partner should know your likes, dislikes, desires, and hottest passions. And because you know each other so well, the vulnerability and intimacy is so much stronger, which only leads to good sex. While life can definitely get in the way sometimes (like work, kids, chores, family obligations) your sex life should remain a top priority for your marriage. After all, a regular sex life is what helps differentiate couples from roommates. Read on for seven simple habits for a better married sex life.

1. Establish Positive Communication

A couple sitting at a table on a date and laughing.

Couples with the best sex life communicate well with one another. This means they connect and communicate honestly and regularly about the good stuff—and the hard stuff. They express their needs and desires. They share their innermost thoughts, dreams, and fears. Communicating vulnerably on a consistent basis builds intimacy, which means a hotter, more intimate sex life.

2. Share Sexual Expectations and Desires

Keeping the spark alive means sharing your expectations and desires in the bedroom. Sometimes our sexual needs, wants, and interests change over time, and that’s OK. This is why it’s important to tell your husband or wife what works for you and what you crave in addition to what you’re curious about. Unmet expectations can sometimes impede relationships and build resentment. Keep the channel of communication open. Be gentle and positive, but be clear with what works for you. At the same time, be reciprocal to what your spouse shares. Sex, after all, is a two-way street.

3. Make Time for It

The things we want sometimes only happen when we make them happen. If you want to have more sex in your marriage, you’re going to have to create the time and space for it. Maybe that means creating a sex schedule during those busy weeks. Maybe that means dropping expectations and being spontaneous when your partner makes a move—even if that means you have to drop other plans. Compromising, making plans that work for you both, and making sex a priority in your schedule is a great habit to start right now.

4. Touch Each Other a Lot

A couple on a walk touching hands.

Physical touch is an important ingredient to an intimate, loving relationship because it builds your level of connection and trust (plus it’s fun and flirty, too!). Physical touch can include anything from kissing, cuddling, and hugging to holding hands. Touching your partner regularly doesn’t need to be a precursor to sex, by the way. Sometimes, just a hot make out session is more than enough.

5. Don’t Be Afraid to Initiate Sex

If you’re usually waiting for your husband or wife to initiate sex, it’s time to switch things up! Married couples with hot sex lives initiate sex equally. It’s important for both of you to take responsibility for having a regular and passionate relationship. Everyone loves to feel desired, so it’s important that both parties feel confident that they’re attractive to their partner.

6. Be Flexible with the Timing

Sometimes, sex won’t happen when we expect it to due to busy schedules and stress. It’s completely normal for married couples to go through periods of “sex drought.” Other times, our husband or wife won’t be in the mood when we are. Sometimes, the sex just isn’t that great. That’s OK! Sex isn’t supposed to be perfect every single time, not even with your spouse. Remember that hot sex can also be measured in quality over quantity.

7. Try Therapy if Need Be

A couple holding hands in front of a therapist.

Sometimes we need a professional to help us through some murky times in our marriage. Seeking the help of a couples’ therapist, whether it’s a sex therapist or talk therapy, can help you learn how to better communicate with each other and become more comfortable with your sexuality and expressing your sexual interests. If that doesn’t convince you, some say that even couples in happy and thriving marriages should go to therapy.

By including the aforementioned habits, you’ll be on your way to having a healthy and happy married sex life forever after.

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