Like it or lump it, sex droughts happen in all romantic relationships at one time or another. While no one expects the hot-and-heaviness of the honeymoon phase to last forever, it’s still disappointing. The grind of work and external daily stresses, including the addition of kids, also makes it challenging to keep the spark alive between you and your spouse.
So, where do you go from here? How do you get out of these sexual dry spells to create and maintain passion, and make physical intimacy a regular part of your marriage? Read on for these seven ways to have more sex, starting this month!
1. Go out on more date nights
Remember when you and your partner would look forward to flirting and having fun on your date nights back when you were courting? Going out on dates helps keep your relationship playful and exciting. It also helps create opportunity in your busy schedules for more sex. The more you feel attractive, desired, and excited, the more likely you’ll want to get physical with your spouse. (Need inspiration? Here’s five inexpensive date night ideas for your first year of marriage.)
2. Get off your phone and Netflix
If you and your spouse are constantly on the phone in each other’s presence or are only connecting through Netflix marathons, consider switching things up. Turn off your phone, especially before bedtime, and save Netflix for another night. Without having to rely on our go-to distractions, it becomes easier to want to reconnect physically. (And while we’re at it, here are some more bad habits you should ditch for a better marriage.)
3. Explore new things
Exploring your sexuality can be a fun way of reigniting the spark in your marriage. Trying out new locations, positions, and even scenarios will make the experience exciting and will help you want to reconnect with each other in a new way.
4. Let go of control
While scheduling sex can work for some couples (more about that later), it’s also equally important to know that creating passion doesn’t come from maintaining control 24/7. Passion is spontaneous and electric and fun, and is the gateway for sexual attraction. If you’re someone who likes to remain in control at all times, let your hair down a little! Allow yourself to let go of control and experience what it means to feel real passion in your life. Maybe it means not keeping a tight schedule for a week or two. Maybe it means buying a sexier outfit than what you usually wear. Maybe it means letting go of the image that you have of your partner and allowing yourself to see them as they truly are without any ego, anger, or old stuff interfering. Let go of control and see where it takes you.
5. Schedule sex
On the flip side, maybe scheduling sex will help you and your partner connect. While scheduling times for intimacy can sometimes feel a little formal and contrived, it can work for some couples, especially in the beginning of trying to get their groove back. Seeing “sexy time” in your Google calendar may make you feel a little frisky and instead of feeling “scheduled,” it can be something you look forward to.
6. Allow yourself to be vulnerable
It’s easy to lack self-confidence or be fearful of expressing our needs when we aren’t having sex as much as we used to. But vulnerability is sexy, and is an amazing way of connecting with your partner. Allow yourself to speak honestly about your needs and desires, as well as any hang-ups you might be experiencing. Getting honest with how you feel about your body and your sex life will deepen the intimacy between you and your husband or wife, which can lead to more sex.
7. Use sex toys
Including the use of sex toys is another fun way to add more electricity to your physical intimacy. Whether you’re using a vibrator on your own or exploring other new devices with your partner, sex toys are usually a quick and easy way to get into the mood and spice things up.
By committing to the seven tips above, you’ll be having way more sex in the next 30 days. You’re welcome!