How to Fix a Sexless Marriage

A husband and wife in bed facing away from each other and looking at their phones.

Maintaining a marriage is tough work. Between crazy schedules, demanding jobs, and busy home lives, it can be difficult to keep the spice in your marriage and to keep things fresh and exciting. However, being intimate with your husband or wife is an important part of staying connected and maintaining a healthy relationship. If the two of you have recently let your sex life slip, don’t worry! There are ways to fix a sexless marriage and to ramp up the spice in practically no time at all.

Get to the Root of the Problem

Every marriage is different, and the reasons behind not having regular sex are different for each couple. While one pair may not be prioritizing it in their schedule, another may have a lack of desire or even hormonal imbalances. Talk about why you’re not having regular sex so that you can better address the actual issue rather than just skirt around it.

Don’t Assume There’s no Interest

It can be easy to assume that your spouse is too busy, too tired, or just plain disinterested in sex as time goes on. However, making that assumption is a slippery slope and can lead to a lack of intimacy. Give them a chance to show their interest by initiating small tokens of affection and talking about sex openly.

Go Back to Dating

A young man and woman on a date enjoying drinks at an outdoor table.

Dating one another like the good ol’ days in the beginning of your relationship can help you reconnect and get some of your spark back. Schedule romantic date nights and make them “distraction-free” without your phones nearby, to give you a chance to truly enjoy each other’s company. The more you can connect on a mental level, the more prone you’ll be to wanting to connect physically, too.

Put it on the Calendar

Especially if you’re lacking in the sex department because of busy schedules, it could be useful to start putting intimacy time on your calendar, whether it be mental or physical. Chat with your spouse about when works best for both of you and stick to the scheduled time you’ve set aside so that you get into a routine of having regular sex.

Participate in all Types of Intimacy

A couple in a bubble bath together.

Sex isn’t the only way to connect physically. Sometimes, taking part in different intimate acts can drastically help a couple’s sex life. Consider taking a shower or bath together, giving each other sexy massages, or simply having a heavy make out session. Doing these things is exciting and can help ignite an old spark that leads to further intimacy.

Don’t Compare Your Sex Life to Others’

Whether you’re comparing your sex life to that of a friend or to what you see on TV, doing so can be damaging for your own intimacy routines and confidence in the bedroom. Focus on what your sex life is like and what works for you as a couple rather than feeling like you’ll never live up to the sex lives that others portray.

Get out of Your Own Head

A young couple laughing together in bed.

It can be easy to get caught up in the worry of whether you’re having sex enough (and if you’re doing it the “right” way or to your spouse’s satisfaction). But being so mentally engrained in the act of sex can take away from the fun and pleasure of it! Commit to just going with natural feelings and enjoying the physicality of sex rather than focusing on whether it’s going well or achieving a “goal.”

Don’t Blame One Another

Placing blame on one person in the relationship for a lackluster sex life is not effective and only builds resentment within your relationship. Instead, focus on what you’d like to see happen in this department and be positive rather than negative about how you’re going to work together to problem-solve going forward.

Understand that It’s OK to Have Dry Spells

While you may feel pressure to constantly be physically connected with your spouse, it’s also important to know that it’s perfectly normal to experience dry spells. While you don’t want to go too long without intimacy, a dry spell here and there is typically not something to worry about.

While a sexless marriage is definitely something that prompts worry, take solace in the fact that there are many ways to fix this issue, to get your spark back in the bedroom and, in turn, have a better relationship because of it!

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