The honeymoon phase is blissful and amazing, filled with tons of sex and intimacy. But it also has an expiration date. While we would love to think our sex lives will remain hot and heavy, the reality is most married couples will encounter issues when it comes to their sex lives. From boredom or laziness to energy levels not syncing up, there are a number of problems when it comes to knocking boots. The good news is that it’s perfectly normal. The better news? There’s a solution to what ails you. Below are the five most common sex issue every couple will encounter.
1. Someone Wants More Sex Than the Other
In a perfect world, you and your partner would both want to have sex at the same time, at the same frequency per week and/or month. However, as the honeymoon phase fades, so does the urge to do it like bunnies. The person who wants to have sex more might feel lonely and deprived, while the other partner might not realize there’s even a problem. Communicating your needs and desires is helpful to find a middle ground. While scheduling sex might not sound sexy, finding a compromise where both of your needs are met, is.
2. You Think you Have Boring Sex
Couples often get into routines in the bedroom, which often leads to ruts. This could result in a lack of affection, foreplay, experimentation, or all of the above. Basically, you both know what works for each other and what doesn’t, and you stick to the same tried-and-true. While vanilla ice cream is OK, it can get pretty boring pretty quickly if that’s all you’re eating. Not surprisingly, you might not want to eat vanilla ice cream again, or even any type of ice cream whatsoever. The solution? Discuss your needs for variety with your partner. Try experimenting with different positions, props, and toys that feel safe to both of you. Do the opposite of vanilla: try chocolate. You might even like it!
3. You Think Your Partner Is Lazy in Bed
Do you find that you’re always initiating sex? Do you wait for your partner to initiate? Or do you find that your partner isn’t as always interested in your needs between the sheets as before? If there’s a degree of laziness associated with sex, then resentment is sure to follow. This is where communication plays a huge part. Gently tell your partner that you notice they haven’t initiated sex in a while and tell them how much you miss being literally swept off your feet. You might even want to mention that you miss how they used to do a certain move in bed, and would love to try that again. Remember, this is all about wanting to feel desired again. Convey that to your partner so you can avoid hurting feelings and egos.
4. You Compare Your Sex Life to Others’
From magazines and TV shows to movies to what’s being said in your BFF group chat, it seems everyone is having a lot of hot and wild sex…except you. While it’s easy to compare yourself to others, doing so is not effective or healthy. The truth is, sex sells and people elaborate. Or what might work for one couple might not work for another. We don’t really know what’s true or not. But that’s not really important, anyway. It’s harmful to compare your life to those depicted in the media or online. It can breed competition, resentment, and inauthenticity. Commit to what works for you and your partner because that’s what matters the most.
5. You Don’t Feel Emotionally Connected Anymore
While sex can be just about the physical act, it’s crucial that a couple feel emotionally connected through sex more often that not. If you’re fighting or nagging your partner a lot outside of the bedroom, chances are you won’t connect as much with your partner in the bedroom. Find the love again in your relationship. See the good in your partner, cuddle, and be affectionate. You might even choose to embark on a new hobby together. Enhance your connection that’s not tied to sex, and you’ll find that spark again in the bedroom sooner than you think.
When you’re in a long-term relationship, sex issues are bound to come up. But by remaining open to communication and allowing yourselves to be intimate and vulnerable with your needs and desires, you can connect even better than you did before in bed.