We all want a good sex life. Wait—make that an amazing sex life. But with busy schedules, work, families, pets, and everything else you’ve got going on, it can be tough to improve the ways we interact with our partners. Having good sex, which includes learning about our own bodies so we can communicate to others what we want, is really important to our quality of life. The average female will have sex with her partner about 3,000 times during the years she’s fertile. That’s a lot of sex, and a lot of opportunities for enhancing the experience between you and your partner.
This doesn’t have to be intimidating or a whole lot of work. It also doesn’t have to be something you feel guilty about. Today is a perfect day to start rituals that will make you feel good for years to come. Exciting, right? You should always take some time to focus on your sexual pleasure and what it means to you. Here are eight habits or rituals you can begin to improve your and your partner’s sex life.
1. Set Aside Intentional Time for Intimacy
We’ve all heard about scheduling time for sex on our calendars. Creating space to have sex in a mindful way is important. This is one of the most lauded rituals people have when it comes to having sex—but you can still keep things spontaneous. Plan for a certain day, but surprise the other person with a time or location. You can also be intentional by setting the mood and making sure your environment is free of distractions like kids, phones, etc.
2. Consider Goals Other Than Orgasm
This can help both partners let go of expectations, relax, get more creative, and be more present in the moment. Explore the rhythm you and your partner have during intercourse and see where your emotional connection peaks. What else do you want from your sex life? A sense of creativity and fun? A chance to show the depths of your passion for the other person? Establishing goals that don’t have a clear end point can also extend your experience together and take the pressure off, as well.
3. Make it a Learning Experience
A good overall ritual when it comes to our sex lives? Consider sex from the mindset of wanting to learn something new each time. Read a book or watch a movie or documentary about sex and intimacy. This can get your creativity going or start a conversation with your partner that you may not otherwise have.
4. Create a Sex To-do List
This is a great tool and point of reference, so that you can start to think about how you might challenge yourself sexually. Curious about trying sex with costumes? Maybe there’s a low-key way you can start to incorporate dress-up into your relationship. Wondering how it would feel to experiment using a vibrator with a partner? Considering S&M? We recommend writing these out rather than just thinking about them, so that you can take some time to explore what it is that you really want.
Keep in mind that you and your partner’s desires may shift or change completely as the years go by. Make a habit of checking in with each other regularly to keep the conversation open. You can always start by talking about yourself, and then turn the conversation to your lover.
5. Try Sex Journaling
You don’t have to maintain this practice for long to reap the benefits, but it can give you a lot of insight into your sex life. After sex, take a few notes on the experience, including the time, what you did, how you felt, what you enjoyed, and what you might do differently. This really helps people see patterns in their sexual relationships, and to start to be more active participants in their sex lives. Have your partner maintain a sex journaling practice as well and compare notes to make the most of the practice. You can always start small by taking a few notes on your phone, and go from there. Many people find a great deal of satisfaction from taking some time and mental space to think about their sex lives.