How do you know if your spark is fading? You come home, talk about your day, and go to bed, but is that really such a bad thing? Routines are normal! When you first meet someone, your whole life is interrupted, so you begin to mold it to include them in it. After a while, you start to get the hang of having them in your life and things calm down again. But how do you know if you’re just comfortable or if that spark is slowly dying out? Check out these warning signs so you can start yourself on the path to a solution sooner rather than later.
1. You Don’t Talk Anymore
We mean really talk. You might tell your partner about that fight you had with your boss or what you had for lunch, but what about the deeper stuff? Some don’t even get that far, sitting at dinner in total silence. Maybe you just don’t have anything to say, but this could be a sign that the passion is slipping away. When you’re really into someone, you want to tell them everything. You want to talk about everything and anything just to hear their point of view. If you’ve gotten to the point where you’re just talking surface stuff, or not talking at all, that could be your sign.
2. You Don’t Talk About Them
Remember when you first met and you were gushing to your friends and family about them? Does that feel like a very distant memory? It’s one thing for the gushing to stop, but if you find that you never talk about them or they just never seen to come up, you may be experiencing a decline.
3. You’re Bored
Are you boring each other half to death? Do you guys hardly do anything together, and when you do, you’re both only half into it? If you’re Netflix and chilling, sitting on opposite sides of the couch, and dreaming about the romantic novel waiting for you in your room, you’re bored, and trust us, it shows. It’s normal to be bored sometimes, but if this becomes pretty frequent, you might need to have a serious talk.
4. They’re Hardly on Your Mind
Just like we mentioned previously, there’s always a period when you first start dating when you can’t stop thinking about your partner. Their smile, their laugh, the way they smell. However, maybe now you don’t really think of them until you see them. All day at work, they never really pop up in your thoughts like they used to. This isn’t a normal part of being in a long term relationship; this is a big red flag.
5. Your Love Life Has Become Unexciting
When it comes to the bedroom, sparks should fly, not fade. You might now find your love life is unsatisfying. Why is this? Sometimes matters of the bedroom can become a bit routine if you aren’t putting in the effort, just like your relationship. Occasionally boring sex is normal, but if you’re constantly underwhelmed and finding yourself not attracted to the idea of being intimate, it can spell trouble. Just make sure to also ask yourself if this could be related to stress outside of your relationship as well. There is a difference between exhausted and unhappy.
6. Everything They Do Annoys You
That cute little way they clear their throat sometimes is now enough to make you murder them. When they brush their teeth, they leave their toothbrush just sitting there on the sink. Their laugh which used to be adorably quirky is now the bane of your existence. You get it. Again, a little bit of this is normal; once the rose colored glasses of a new love come off, you’re bound to find some of your partner’s behaviors annoying. However, do you find yourself bothered by every little thing? This might be indicative of another issue in the relationship, but either way, it’s safe to say you’re in trouble.
7. Your Relationship Is No Longer a Priority
Both partners can be the culprits here. You can each take what you have for granted. You can stop learning and experiencing things together to a point where you’re just existing as a couple. When neither of you are making a real effort to spend more time together doing exciting things, that’s when that bad kind of comfortable starts to settle in.
A big part of any relationship is finding things that you both enjoy and sharing in those experiences. When you stop developing any kind of interests together, something is likely off. If everything comes before date night and you find yourself saying yes to work and no to your partner, your spark might be fading away.
Now, you may be thinking, “well if the spark has faded, my relationship is failing.” This is not always the case! Relationships can take work and a few problems along the way are a completely normal road block that can be fixed. There is a chemical reaction that triggers in your brain when you first meet your lover. This reaction changes once you’ve been together for a while, making you feel more comfortable than passionate and excited. Still sound bleak to you? Think of it this way, once you’ve laid the groundwork for the relationship, you create the potential for even more excitement than in the beginning. Sure, your heart raced when you saw their face and now their face makes you think about what you want for dinner, but at least you are comfortable with this person, and that’s not bad. Comfort can mean flexibility and once you decide to get your spark back, you can try lots of new things together, things that you might not have trusted them enough to do with them before.
If you’re worried about your relationship, talk to your significant other first. Let them know about your concerns and discuss steps you both want to take. If you need help, there’s no shame in seeing a marriage or relationship counselor; they’re pros at helping you identify your problem areas and creating strategies for a solution.