The day you say “I do,” you promise to love your spouse as long as you both shall live. On paper, this sounds great: an unending, unwavering affection, both emotional and physical, that helps you support and uplift each other for years and years…
Of course, any married couple can tell you that “unending” and “unwavering” are hard promises to keep—particularly when it comes to your “marriage duties.”
Your sex life is a great part of your marriage, but it’s also a part that goes through massive changes over the years. Life can easily get in the way; in fact, sometimes it feels like busy schedules, stress, kids, and so much more are conspiring together to keep you out of the bedroom! But luckily, even the driest of dry spells will end eventually—and I have a few tips to help you speed up that process.
Try Some Self-Care
Some sexual dry spells are caused by work stress. Sometimes, a new baby is the culprit. But sometimes, the reason boils down to something much simpler: you just don’t feel sexy. When you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s hard to get “in the mood” — which is why a little self-care can work wonders.
Now, “self-care” can mean just about anything: a manicure, some new lingerie, even a nice soak in the tub can do the trick! Just take a little time for yourself and do anything that makes you feel your best. Trust me, once you’re feeling yourself, you’ll be more up for hopping into the sack with your sweetheart.
Get Away Together
There’s something inherently romantic about travel. After all, when you’re in a strange city (or a strange country) where the only person you know is the one by your side, you’re bound to feel closer to one another. This is why a change of scenery can be a great way to end your dry spell with your spouse.
A romantic weekend getaway is a great way to recharge your batteries and reconnect with your husband or wife. And you don’t need to head across the ocean (though if you want to travel internationally, I won’t get in your way). Just drop the kids off at grandma’s, hop in the car, and visit a local B&B for a weekend you’re sure to love.
Try a Special Date Night
I know what you’re thinking. “We’re in the middle of a pandemic, and you’re suggesting my spouse and I TRAVEL?!?!”
You’re right. While a romantic weekend away is usually just the thing for ending your dry spell, it’s not really responsible (or possible) in the midst of COVID-19. But don’t worry! You can still make time to reconnect with your spouse in a special way right at home.
Order take-out from your favorite restaurant for a candlelit dinner. Watch the movie you saw on your first date. Do anything that helps you remember just why you love your spouse so much—and this will probably help you both get your engines revving again.
After a few years of marriage, sex can become kind of… efficient. You know what positions work for you both, you’ve got a rhythm, and it’s easy to get going and “get it over with.” While the old standby methods are great when you want to get some action before the baby wakes up, it’s not great for breaking out of a dry spell.
If you want to reignite the passion in your sex life, you’ll need to try something new—and that means slowing things down. Spend more time with foreplay. Try new positions or toys. See what sparks your interest.
Finally, getting through a dry spell—or any marriage struggle—is only possible if you communicate with your spouse. Talk about how you’re feeling, what you want to do or try, and what you liked or disliked. If you and your spouse are on the same page, you will be able to navigate your dry spell together and come out stronger on the other side.